How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

Hang on

The OP specifically asked family NOT to post photos of their kid on social media. Presumably because they had made an ethical decision to let their child make that decision for themselves later. Very valid. Someone broke that trust and took that choice away from both the parents and the child. Whether you agree with the OPs stance or not, that’s clearly a violation of trust.

FWIW OP, I do have pics of my son on my (locked down) social accounts- and he’s okay with that (only 8 though, so may change). One day he may be very angry that I made that choice for him, or he may not care- but I see why you’ve made that decision and 100% understand why you’re no longer sharing pics with family on WhatsApp. It will be hard to maintain, but it’s your choice and if family don’t understand that- fuck them. And if that makes them “pull away” as posters upthread have said - double fuck them.

I always always always ask friends and family if it’s okay to take pics of their kids. And if I’m ever sent a pic of a child of (for example) a family friend or a cousins baby, that I think my mum would like to see, I ask if I’m allowed to show it to anyone else. Anything else is bad manners IMO.

Exactly!!!

For those saying that all babies look the same and happily plastering them everywhere, at what age would you stop sharing photos? Age 2? Age 5? Age 10? How would you have that conversation?

this is just weird..........most babies all look similar anyway.......what's so special about your one?........that's what folk will think and this is one sure fire way to split your family.........as for baby consent??.......that is just so nauseatingly woke it's ridiculous. How do you get consent to change their nappy?

Raising a child to an adult is a long journey and you have no idea what you and your partner might go through in that time.

Isolating your child to such an extent could massively backfire on you, you never know when you might need the people not worthy of having a picture of your child.

Why not go old school? Print out a picture for them, stick it in a frame. Tell them again that you don’t want the pictures online.

It does sound weird and extreme but with the deep fake stuff that’s easily available and the vast numbers of people accessing child abuse images online, I really wouldn’t want people posting pictures of my child.

Batshit

This is totally insane. I understand not posting photos on social media (I absolutely do not post my child online!) and I understand asking others not to post.

But refusing to share photos on the family WhatsApp is insane. I would send them on WhatsApp in the format that they can open and view once. This means they won’t be able to share them, but they can still see their grandchild.

I'd be grossed out and feel physically sick - but that doesn't mean any harm has come to the child, nor does the child ever need to know about it.

I wouldn't let that stop me living a normal life, if you let fear win... and let it limit what you do, how is that OK?

And how would you find such an image... the reality is, you wouldn't. So you'd be limiting your life, for the minute, microscopically small chance of finding out something that makes you feel sick.

There is a higher chance that within someones own family there is someone who is enjoying family photos for a purpose other than that which they were intended... than you ever finding that your babies (and lets be specific, I am talking about babies, not easily recognised children!) photo on a child abuse site/pedo site.

Brilliant. I really feel a lot of new parents these days are completely bonkers. They all (huge generalisation) wander round saying it takes a village, but refuse to allow baby to be seen, cuddled, kissed or interacted with.

I really find it very difficult to understand and deal with.

I feel sorry for your poor parents why don't you want them to show their friends a photo of their grandchild?
I can understand you might not want their photo on Facebook or Instagram but not sending grandparents photos of their grandchild is crazy.
Is their a reason why you are so concerned about people seeing photos of your baby?

You won’t be able to police this going forward. You know that don’t you? Schools will ask, parents don’t care, they’ll take your child’s face and spread it everywhere. Just saying.

Will baby also be required to give consent for inoculations before she’s allowed to have them?

I feel sorry for your family. You sound deranged.

What on earth do you think anyone unrelated is going to do with a pic of a baby?
All youre doing is alienating the wider family. They've already stopped bothering to ask questions.
Bonkers

This is utterly bonkers. Consent? Do you ask for consent when you do a nappy change? If this is the hill you want to die on OP.....

How to ensure your child grows up isolated from family and has no support from them.

And no wonder the grandparents don't contact you OP, you sound seriously high maintenance.

You would never know!!

This is batshit OP. Way OTT.

OP this issue always seems to bring out the MN nastiness which I can never understand, surely wanting to protect your child's privacy/reduce risk of identity theft/avoid risk of your child's face being photoshopped onto abusive images etc can only be a good thing? But so many people get up in arms about it - I can only assume it's because they all do it and want to play down the potential risks. For some people, myself included, this is a really important boundary. We respect our families/friends choices with their children's photos, and we expect them to respect ours, which they do. If your family are sharing private WhatsApp photos on wider social media, then don't be afraid to very clearly ask them not to (maybe as a polite reminder message on the group chat when you share the next pic). If they then ignore this, then going forwards send photos directly to individials & only with the ones who do respect your choice. Also IMHO yes babies aren't very identifiable, but it's better to start with the boundaries as you mean to go on , much harder to give in now then try and change your mind down the line when your child is older.

Sounds a wee bit batshit to me but your baby your rules.

😂 "punish everyone"

no one gives a crap about your baby photos, they're just being polite.

Meghan? Meghan? Is that you?

Thanks for taking the time to explain your opinions. I do like to understand other people's viewpoints.

I guess being made to feel physically sick could be argued as harmful, at least psychologically?

A few years ago a family member had their social media hacked. They stole photos of him and doctored them with images of children we don't know then threatened to post it on his accounts. It was absolutely horrific. We knew the photos weren't real, went to the police etc who say they're seeing this happening daily. DAILY! With different images of random kids pulled from the net. Imagining the parents of those very very small children seeing them is not something I'd ever wish on them, or imagining if the person themselves somehow stumbled across them in future (facial recognition software is getting better and better, how long till we can search the internet for our faces and see everything ever posted? Appreciate your point that babies rarely resemble the adults they turn in to, but I'm still incredibly thankful that it wasn't my kids in the photos.

I don't find not being on social media to be limiting to my life in anyway. I tried it, didn't like it, left about 4 years ago and haven't looked back. I also don't share photos of my children online at all, again maybe I just don't know what I'm missing but so far it doesn't seem to be causing adverse affects though. But that's me.

So you don't want them to see pics of your baby or even have any pics but you want them to show interest in her.

Everyone is so outraged that the OP and her DH have made a valid choice not to have photos of their baby on social media. She has been called 'batshit', 'round the twist', 'deranged'. I don't know why everyone is taking this so personally and being so rude. This isn't even AIBU, it's the Parenting board where normally discussions are more measured. She was sharing photos with her family until someone disregarded her wishes and posted photos on social media.