THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

So not giving him a second chance? What if it had been you? Mums aren’t immune to accidentally falling asleep on the sofa with baby. Would you be ok with him saying you need to ask your mum to watch your baby if he’s not around?

But she didn’t. He did.

Those aren’t really signs of coping, more of struggling.

So? It could have been either one of them.

You know now that this absolute man-child cannot be trusted. I am furious for you - this kind of thing literally sends cold chills down my spine. I remember when my children were tiny babies and the exhaustion was immense, but the fear of suffocating them always outweighed anything.

I safely bedshared following the Lullaby Trust guidelines. Mine were awful sleepers but this helped us both rest. Daytime naps were so difficult if they weren't on me, but my DH would walk for miles with them or pace up and down rocking. If he had EVER fallen asleep with them on the couch (or bed in an unsafe position), I'd gave been apoplectic with rage. Our marriage would have been over - I don't know if I'd have left then and there, but I'd never have been able to trust or feel the same way again.

He literally put your baby's life in danger. That's fucking terrible. Please don't ever leave her with him again, even while you have a shower or a bath. It'll be hard and it's not fair, but you can't trust him. I'm so sorry.

It would never have been me. Far too aware of the risks, next?

I’m assuming you live together? How are you going to extricate yourself or make him go?

Sadly you can’t trust him to care for her properly. This is heartbreaking for you. I fully get the rage you feel. He endangered your baby and then minimised it.

For context I have been super exhausted after a night shift and then looking after grandchild late afternoon. Despite absolute exhaustion I have ensured that baby was safe and just didn’t lie down incase I did fall asleep.Any reason why father so knackered?

Or just never been that tired.

Is that how you view the mums on this thread that have admitted it’s happened to them despite their best efforts and intentions not to?

With the same sort of superior that can never be me attitude?

This. No excuses

No , I breastfeeding and do all the night feeds!

So sorry you experienced this! Print up in large bold letters x 30 -
'' I must not fall asleep when caring for baby'' reminders -
or whatever appropriate and stick them up all over the house.
He is not allowed to remove them before she is 40 years old!

Beautiful picture. I'm glad your baby is safe. Good luck with your future.

OP, If you ever do decide to “extricate yourself or make him go” please be aware that he will get contact. Alone. Overnight.

This is awful and very dangerous. I would be livid to. I don't think I could ever trust a man again that did that he could have killed your baby.

YANBU - so sorry you’ve had this.
now you know that you are the default parent, you cannot trust him and your instincts are right.

dont forget the above again. YOU KNOW BEST. I had some of this too but my partner was actually depressed so wasn’t coping so was just really unreliable etc.

its going to be tough but you need to step up now and be the protective shield for your child for the next while. You can steal pockets of sleep when he walks then in a pram or something safe. And you’ll catch up the sleep when they are older.

tell your friends about your struggles and hopefully some will come to help in solidarity and disgust at the incompetence of (some) men.

congrats on your baby and being an excellent mama!

Oh seriously. 🙄
bore off and stop trying to turn this into having a go at OP.

I was on my own with my first and he was a shit sleeper, and breastfeeding. I was sleep deprived to the point of hallucinating and even having mini seizures. I still would have never fell asleep on a couch with him.
Even with breastfeeding my 2nd and dp not living with us still would have never fell asleep on couch. Only ever safely co slept in bed.

This. This is why I'd not have been able to leave, at least not immediately if my DH had done this.

Play the long game, even if it's utterly exhausting and you can't stand to look at the fucker. He sounds so childish that he might well not even go after night visits, and I believe breastfeeding mothers are protected so you might not have overnight stays...but who knows. There's still naps. It's just not worth the risk.

Terrible situation the bastard has put you in.

Absolutely

As if she hasn't had an awful day already!

Thank you to those defending me aswell , I know myself and would not let myself drift off ever x

I am really not wishing to upset you any further but almost ten years ago a local mum co-slept on the sofa with her baby and woke up and her child had sadly passed away. She was only four months old it was truly devastating and horrific. You are absolutely right in your anger and it may be rare but it certainly happens just as it did to this poor family. It’s only until you see the aftermath of something like this happen that it really hits home how serious it is and that anything can happen. It’s easy to say you’re just overreacting and to just chill but the truth is that mum will never be able to forgive herself and has had her life shattered by one mistake. Please don’t leave your DP alone with baby again. Not that it’s your fault, it’s most definitely not but it’s clear he can’t understand or see the risks.

He obviously didn’t purposely do it but he knows to put her down in her crib pure laziness and like you said a man child.
i once fell asleep holiding my 1 week daughter I was solo parenting 3 under 8 and I have never felt as much guilt and it never happened again. DH wa forces and deployed and no family local so I was truly exhausted but I made sure after that once I put her in her cot/crib

He didn't want to listen to the baby crying, so he did something he knew to be dangerous instead.