THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

Does he sound like a man who will respond well to being humiliated in front of a healthcare professional?
He's already punished the op for expecting him to take care of the baby, if she does this he'll punish her even more.

In the same way you should pull over and not drive if you felt yourself drifting asleep, you should put a baby in a safe place. Falling asleep at the wheel is a criminal offence because we have recognised that people have some agency when it comes to recognising tiredness and choose to continue driving when tired.

But it wasn’t was it - OP was well aware of the danger and she expected the dad to be too.

Presumably because he's got a two month old baby!

Classic weaponised incompetence - he’s guaranteed he won’t have to look after her again solo hasn’t he?

We all get tired, but you’ve had her for months and have managed not to fall asleep on the sofa like this. The fact he did this after just an hour on his own shows he made absolutely no effort.

Perhaps if it was a one-off accident after months of him taking care of her on his own, it might be more forgivable. But to manage to it in just that tiny timeframe? It’s almost as if he was being purposefully neglectful

While I can see why you’re upset, I don’t think it’s worth ruining your relationship over. People fall asleep with babies all the time in non ideal circumstances. It’s not great but it happens especially in the early days. I did it with my first through sheer exhaustion- i never did with my second as she loved her cot and I was better at feeding babies by then but I remember that sheer horror of jolting awake in our feeding chair and checking to make sure the baby was ok. I was very aware of safe sleep guidelines and wouldn’t have done it intentionally but I still did.

There is every chance your partner fell asleep accidentally and didn’t do it to prove a point etc like others have suggested. I would be livid if he’d fallen asleep after drinking etc but the reality is that in the early stages sleep deprivation can be hard to fight even with the best of intentions.

WHAT??????????

Stupid fucking arsehole, what if he had smothered the baby? I guess he wouldn't have been so blase then but no doubt would still have had an excuse - twat.
Bit like those idiots who leave their kids to die in the back of the car - there have been lots of those in the news recently.
I simply would not trust him with the baby again, he isn't safe and doesn't care.

OP I'm really sorry you have such a waste of space as the father of your precious baby
I've namechanged for this as it's a story I've told IRL
Some years ago I trained as a midwife. As you know parents are given advice about safe sleeping when baby and mother are discharged from hospital, which I was always careful to explain carefully.
Once I had a shift with a different midwife assigned to supervise me (as I was a student) and she told me I should initial each point of the advice in the woman's notes as I gave it, as a check for me and also to evidence that I'd given the advice. This seemed a bit excessive to me, but she explained that, tragically, a baby she had cared for had died in the exact situation you describe (parent asleep on sofa.) - there was an inquiry and she had to go to court and testify that she had, in fact, told the parents how dangerous it was to fall asleep on the sofa with a baby.
so after that I did as she said

Yes what? He’s just a twat. No need to assign weird reasons to it.

Another midwife here

Sleeping with a baby on the sofa is so dangerous! And accidentally falling asleep with baby is more dangerous than planned sleeping with baby as they are less likely to be in a safe position.

Sadly it does happen far too often and for me it would depend on the reaction. A parent devastated they have accidentally fallen asleep and taking steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again is what I would expect. A parent diminishing the risks and saying it’s not that big a problem would really worry me and make me doubt their ability to safely care for that baby.

Have you read her other posts? He's also swanned in reeking of booze at least once, thinking that's fine and trying to be around baby. She's claimed he's immature.

She had every bloody right to rage at him. The correct response to putting your tiny baby in danger is "Oh fuck I am so sorry! I cannot believe I did that, I'm a fucking idiot!" - not deflect and play down the situation.

Babies die through this. OP has literally carried this child for 9 months, birthed her, breastfeeds her, and leaves her once with this absolute twat of an overgrown child and ALL of that could have been for nothing. A tiny life ripped away because he decided he couldn't be arsed listening to her cry and taking his wife's warnings seriously.

It's not the same as a sleep deprived mum falling asleep breastfeeding at 4am. That's still wrong, but this idiot is living the life of Riley and can't even look after his own baby while his wife pops out for a bit. Wanker.

I don't even have children but as I was reading your post I was almost screaming NONONONO.

If an idiot like me knows not to put an infant to sleep on a sofa or bed or other soft thing, your husband damn sure should've known better.

OP deserves a medal for not throttling him right there on the sofa.

Update: I have invested in a camera. He is aware about this camera and it will be installed and put by the sofa!!!! I can check in whenever I need and shout through it too should I need to.

I am still so so so upset with him. He's at work now, and thinks the idea of a camera is ridiculous. I say tough shit x

It's a wonder the human race survived at all. It's a miracle we're all here being outraged!

I think you are right to be concerned. You told him not to. He is a deep sleeper and this sounds highly dangerous with such a young baby. Not surprised you are furious.

OP this relationship is dead in the water. When you have to buy a camera to ensure your child’s safety with him it’s over.

please get rid.

Awareness of a danger is not fool proof protection from the danger. We are all human and we all make mistakes.

Do you just go out of your way to be a moron and purposefully go against the grain of all common sense on every thread you post on?

Every single time it’s always your username that pops up with nonsense inflammatory waffle just to upset people. Get a bloody life.

The fact he thinks it's ridiculous proves he's not going to make any changes to his attitude; he's pissed off because now he can't get away with carrying on as he was, like he fully intended to. What an absolute twat.

(Also, apologies, I keep referring to him as your husband in previous posts!)

Oh do fuck off and then fuck off some more. Idiot.

I would actually. My baby sister died in her cot due to accidental aspiration due to spitting up and then choking on her own vomit while sleeping on her back. Ironically, it saves some lives to put babies to sleep on their backs, but adds risk to the lives of babies with reflux. My parents were devastated, they’d been aware she had reflux but thought she should still be put down on her back.

If a baby dies from accidental suffocation or aspiration, it’s not called murder and parents are not charged with killing their baby because it is almost always an accident and even good parents can make mistakes despite their best intentions in the fog of exhaustion.

Knowing it is rare means it wasn’t wholly in your control.

The OP’s DD is fine a healthy and her DH has had a wake up call. I don’t see the point of her divorcing him and deciding he cannot be trusted at all ever with anything due to one mistake that did no harm, and I don’t agree with assuming he had the worst of intentions either.

Must be nice to think you’re a god.

He clearly hasn't had a wake up call! He deflected and got angry, apologised under pressure, and thinks OP is being ridiculous for installing a camera after he proved she couldn't trust him!

You might be willing to risk your baby's life with an ignorant moron, but most mothers aren't.