I want to be SAHM, do I need to marry a banker to become one?

[PoliteEagle]

After being single for a couple of years and doing all the healing, I am now ready for a relationship leading to a family. The thing is, I want a kid but I want to be SAHM, at least till they go to school and then part time max. I have a good professional job but I don't have career aspirations and not really passionate about my job. I just don't see myself juggling work and childcare responsibilities. I have only 3 friends who are SAHMs, two are married to traders and one to big3 management consultant. In nowadays economy is it the only option to be SAHM? to marry a lawyer, banker or a consultant? The last thing I want is to choose SO by their job as it feels incredibly shallow. SAHMs how did you became ones?

i had the option to marry a couple of men much better-off than my husband. I could have been SAHM with either of them. And have a nice house, holidays, cars etc… Unfortunately, I just didn’t fancy them enough. The money didn’t matter. You might find money & love, though. Who knows?

The SAHMs in my area are all sitting around on benefits with loads of kids living a doss life. One girl I know just had her FIFTH baby and has never worked a day in her life.

Are you basing this on anything in particular, or just stereotypes? Because that isn’t my experience, or that of my colleagues.

Being a SAHM is a full time job, especially when the kids are young.

you are right, but I would prefer to have an option to be one, instead of being have to go to work because otherwise we wouldnt cope

i love looking after a guy :)

What about both parents splitting the work and child raising - so both working part time? Seems more and more common in professional fields

I repsect all hard working people. But I would struggle with a guy earning less than me. I would see him as non ambitious, especially if he grew up here.

yet you didn't marry someone in a low paid job such as a waiter and so on.... I am sure plenty of them have good characters and would make great dads

And you're happy to date, marry and have children with a man like that?

I'd like to be able to say this is a cultural issue because I see how you use English (no articles) and can hazard a guess where you're from, but even there they've moved with the times.

I'm imagining you as Melania Trump...

It’s not equality though is it ? Equality would be having a choice, but the reality is very few people have the choice of whether to stay at home as two incomes are required to sustain a family.

Woman now have the worst of both worlds….. they have to look good and take care of the home, whilst having a good career and bringing in a good income.

OP, I understand where you are coming from and what you would like. It’s just difficult in reality. The dating pool for you will be small and how will you set your expectations without scaring a guy off?

haha is it an insult? or a compliment?
as for your question, I am yet to meet a man who is not interested in a woman's look

I don't consider this to be gold digging. Growing up, both of my parents were working and a housekeeper was at home, and I definitely did not get the love that I needed from the housekeeper. Society is better off if there are also people who want to stay-at-home because otherwise, the stay-at-home family structure just won't be sustainable. Also, it's only parentally responsible to want a certain household income since kids require a lot of resources to get started with life from a place of advantage. I would also like to add that for me, the difference between a gold digger and a faithful, respectable wife is that in both cases, a woman is with me because of the material security and prosperity that I can provide with my income, but the decent wife also will stick around and keep the family together and help support it if, say, I get laid off or something else happens and I need time to recover.

I can also, in a way, agree with your statement that most office jobs are 'pointless'. When you read management articles from accomplished people in the industry, you'll see that they love their jobs. They get to tell people what to do, and decide where large amounts of resources go and how said people interact with said resources. However, for a lot of people, a job role basically entails being a cog in a machine.

So you’d see a cardiothoracic surgeon, a barrister, an architect, a head teacher, as unambitious because those professions generally earn under £100k? That’s pretty offensive honestly.

I’m married to a builder and have been a SAHM for 18 years. We were fortunate to buy in our early 20’s though and mortgage was so small it was paid off in our mid 30’s so outgoings have always been less than normal.

exactly, I fully agree with you. Most of women have no choice now. We have to work. I though rights is all about ability to have a choice. Very few have this choice now.
And it is difficult indeed, dating pool would be a poodle .... I think can be easier if a guy's mum was SAHM as well.
Many women say they share house responsibilities equally, but in the most cases it is just not true. Some of my friends with husbands/ boyfriends whereby they split bills 50/50 but these guys are nowhere near 50/50 in housework. Sure they do something but not equal part. The same about mental load. It is again mainly on women. This is just sad. The one who have it trully equal are the lucky ones

I guess i would be better off being born in 1950s..

I was born in the 1950's and wouldn't want to live the way or have the values you do.

I'm not sure how your opinion of being a SAHM is relevant to me pointing out that a man will need to agree to fund it.

Women aren't entitled to be SAHM's.

surely they earn around 100k in London? I am talking about London salaries here. What I see as unambitious for example a guy stuck in IT support instead of going in software development in Tech.

yeah, we are all differnt. I was just meaning if I were born in 1950ies I would have more options and easier time to have a family type I want

No, they don’t. Most people in London are not on £100k salaries either. You live in a bubble.

What about a senior civil servant? My friend is a very high grade with a lot of responsibility reporting direct to the Minister but she only earns about 80k.

Or what if the man was a very senior nurse?

can they provide for a family on 80k? I think in London you need a combined income at least £150k for 3 ppl incl 1 kid to live more or less comfortably. 80k for 3 ppl is a survival mode in London... I worked very hard to get out of survival mode so dont want to go in one again.... I relocated to London from European country and tbh i feel bad that I did it now. Salaries are much better there (though taxes are higher) and social system is so better as well. Many moms work only part time. Feel like I made a mistake if people in high grade prestigious jobs are below 100k. To move back though would be very hard as I have UK specific qualifications and property here. A friend of mine moved to the US at that time, much better choice... salaries are higher and being SAHM is being much more acceptable. So much hate here especially from women who think that they are equal to men. It is still men world...

Fourth time asking this question now. How old are you OP?

It's not my opinion, it is a full time job. If both parents work you have to pay someone to look after your kids full time.