I want to be SAHM, do I need to marry a banker to become one?

[PoliteEagle]

After being single for a couple of years and doing all the healing, I am now ready for a relationship leading to a family. The thing is, I want a kid but I want to be SAHM, at least till they go to school and then part time max. I have a good professional job but I don't have career aspirations and not really passionate about my job. I just don't see myself juggling work and childcare responsibilities. I have only 3 friends who are SAHMs, two are married to traders and one to big3 management consultant. In nowadays economy is it the only option to be SAHM? to marry a lawyer, banker or a consultant? The last thing I want is to choose SO by their job as it feels incredibly shallow. SAHMs how did you became ones?

I think in London you need a combined income at least £150k for 3 ppl incl 1 kid to live more or less comfortably

And yet millions of us manage to live in London with our families on less than that 🤷‍♀️

Ah so what you are looking for is a mysogynist. That's what those types of men are these days. They don't want a partner or an equal. They want someone who will do all the things they don't want to do. It's not the life you think it is. It will wear you down, erode your self-worth, and force you to turn a blindeye to unwanted things because you've trapped yourself in the relationship where you have no power or independence. Meanwhile, while you grow old and tired, he'll carry on working hard, playing hard, surrounded by ambitious men and women who he has more in common with.

Financially i could be a sahm but I found mat leave really boring! We are both teachers but I went part time support role. Please don't choose a partner based on this, it's silly!

I was asking if you would not respect a senior civil servant or senior nurse? Whether you would consider them to be unambitious?

Nothing to do with whether the salary is enough to support a family.

The question is why they earn lower than that? I worked very hard to get to a level where I can live comfortably so I don’t want to survive. What’s the point of living in London at all if you have to survive? Of course if you are young and know you will earn more in couple of years this is one thing. Otherwise what’s the point? Rent all your live and count every penny?

Look i am not ignoring you. I just don’t want to identify. That’s why I prefer to keep my details vague. It is anonymous forum and I wish to remain so.

I am yet to meet a man who is not interested in a woman's look

So, how do you explain all the unattractive women out there who are married? Did they only turn ugly after they came home from honeymoon?

I would respect them as people and as specialists but not as spouses. Why being nurse and not aiming at being doctor?

Some people get a lot of satisfaction and sense of purpose from badly-paid public sector jobs.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder :)

Because nurse and doctor are completely different jobs. That is a very uneducated comment.

it just means we have different values then. I would not be able to derive satisfaction from my job if I were paid peanuts

Again, I'm still not sure why it is relevant to my previous comment.

Of course it's your opinion.

I think your definition of “surviving” is pretty different to mine, and that of most people.

Which is fine, but does answer your question - you do need to marry a rich man if you want to be a SAHW. A really rich man, earning over £250k and probably with family money as well. Up to you what you do with that information now.

Fine, you can give a ballpark but the fact you won't speaks volumes.

If you are above 25 the life path you want currently is almost unachievable. Often the high achieving men have paired off by 30, and either want younger girlfriends to compensate for the time they have spent working, or want women of a similar age and earning bracket.

Now, you can be a single mum with a tradie for a husband. They often have a few kids by 30 odd. So you can be a SAHM but there will be stepkids. And no money.

Or, like me and a few other pp you both meet while young and build a very successful life which often involves having kids later. I'm also ten years younger than my husband. Men who are single and high earners have plenty of options.

It is also a privilege and the best job you could ever have
(in my opinion of course 😉 😉 )

Parenting is definitely a privilege. So is earning my own money and providing financially for my children.

Doing both is the ultimate privilege for me.

Not having to hand my young children over to strangers was the ultimate privilege for me

( isn't it great that we are all different and can hopefully have respect for others who are different)

Well, you won't like the answer to this, there are ways, and none are particularly fun.
You can save like mad,
You can meet a man who splits his pension contributions so you aren't completely fucked in old age.
You can create passive income streams,
You can overpay your mortgage and remortgage when the time comes. Hopefully making your payments vastly smaller.
You can economise so that your perspective partners wage stretches further.

Or all of the above.

But then you're reliant on him being a decent man. Many aren't.

Do they have plenty of options ? I wonder why? I thought we learnt from this thread that women are not looking for money unless they are from 1950s.
does it really surprise you why I don’t want to give more info about myself here after all this bashing I got here. I feel like every single word would be turned against now. Though there were some helpful and thought provoking comments here as well and I am grateful other commenters for that

Genuinely curious, do you have an education or a career?

Times are different now. I think you would have to be extremely lucky to find a good man, that loves you, wants a family, is faithful, loving and is happy with a SAHM. And on top of all that, you have to love him, at least if you want a shot to be happy and not marry just for money.

I had a friend like you, met while studying Engineering. She never intended to work, she just wanted to find a rich man to marry. She could have married young because she had lots of mens attention but they were not rich. She was very attractive and only found her rich man in her late 30's.

This man although rich, is older, doesn't want to marry or live together though. In that country if you live together 2 years you have the same entitlements as a wife so I guess he's protecting his money. They're just eternal boyfriends.

Be careful not to waste your youth waiting for this man.

Are you going to homeschool or do you just not agree with handing young children over to strangers before the age of 4?

They don't stay strangers for very long. One of them is now our babysitter as well as a much loved family friend.

Yes, I have a masters degree and 10 years working before I became a SAHM.
SAHM for 6 years while my children were little. Returned to work part time in a different field which I enjoy but was happiest during my time as a SAHM. Feel privileged that I could do it and there were so many benefits for my family.

My children started school when they were 5. Their teachers were not strangers because I knew them all.