I can't control my anger/frustration

[empalempa]

I have a 16 month old little girl and I really struggle at bed time when she won't relax and go to sleep. During the day I am ok and don't lose it like I do at night even if she is testing my patience.
The last couple of weeks she has really been fighting bed time, when I'm sat with her in the rocking chair she arches her back, kicks her legs and tries to sit up. When I try to stop her she will just start crying and won't stop until I put her down. This really winds me up and I end up getting too rough with her, I held her tightly tonight and shouted at her to just go to sleep, she stopped and then started again so I slammed her down in the cot and walked out of the room. Ended in me sat on the landing floor crying my eyes out.
I just don't know how to cope with these feelings and I don't know how other mums keep their cool when their children frustrate them, I feel like if people saw how I was with her sometimes they'd have her taken off me. I've told myself in the past I will learn from this behaviour but when I'm so tired the anger just takes over me. By the evening I'm so desperate for a couple of hours break and I'm not getting it at the moment. Sometimes I feel like I've made a mistake having a baby and I should never have been a mum because what mother treats their baby like this? I do have a husband who is amazing and does so much but during the week he is away 2 days a week working in London.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could control this better and how to recognise I'm going to blow before I end up taking it out on her

@empalempa

Leaving her to cry is safer than ‘slamming her down’. I appreciate your frustration but you simply cannot ‘slam her down’.

This is correct. I never rocked either of mine to sleep. I used to put them in a sleeping bag & give them a bottle & leave them to drop off.

I think she would be better off in nursery & you go back to work.

I can't believe you have alternate weekends off!

Please don't carry on with this - it's a horrible way for a baby to go to bed. Have you got a routine in place? Does she sleep through?

It sounds like you’re going through a tough time with bedtime routines and feeling overwhelmed. Establishing a calming bedtime routine can help signal to your child that it’s time to wind down.
Deep breathing before bedtime might help you stay calm and patient. Positive reinforcement for good bedtime behavior and taking short breaks when needed can also make a difference. If you’re struggling with your emotions, talking to a therapist could provide useful strategies and support.

Connecting with other parents can also be comforting and helpful. Seeking help and finding ways to care for yourself are important for managing these challenging moments. Hope this helps and you feel better soon.

@empalempa

It's only the week or so she's gone like this and I'm unsure if it's the hot weather, a regression or if she just doesn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore.

Maybe too much daytime sleep & sleeping in too late in the morning? She's probably not ready for bed - even if you are worn out.

Wow.
I just put mine in their cots and went downstairs!

I don't think people necessarily need to put all these measures in place but it's a bit shitty to suggest it's as easy as sticking them in bed and leaving them, if it was there would be no help boards for sleep! I mean unless you're fine with leaving babies and toddlers to scream obviously, which I'm not.

I wish I could just put her in her cot and leave her, it would make life so much easier. She refuses to drink milk now too so it's not like I can leave her with a bottle of milk to send her off either. She has dummies but if we put her down while she's still awake she will throw them out of the cot and continue to scream until one of us goes back in to her. Tried it last night and I was sat with her for an hour and a half with minimal interaction and she just wouldn't go. I did try leaving the room and left her for 5/10 mins and she just cried the whole time, I really don't feel comfortable leaving her to cry.
In the end DH went in and she was gone in about. 15/20 mins.
I haven't got angry or stressed with her at all since my outburst last week, I just walk away and have a cry now.

I definitely went t through this and it got better when my son was 3, in preschool room at nursery and dropped his nap.
It is hell but you will get through it.

OP have you read the Ferber sleep training book?
It's a game-changer.

@empalempa

I should never of had children and I am angry with myself for bringing her into this world with me as her mother.

I honestly think you can sort this out. I don't know how long she is napping during the day - it's possible she just isn't tired at bedtime. So no amount of shushing & parting will make any difference.

I think it would be better did you to put her in nursery a few days & that would help get her into a better routine & also take the onus off you for those days. You would I guess need to work though?

Also you mentioned difficult delivery. Have you thought about cranial therapy. It's something to do with babies having issues after a long labour.

I think that long a bedtime every night would have stressed me out too. I had to follow a routine so that I knew I could have downtime at various points during the day. I think I would have been exhausted without that.

I hope you're ok 👌🏻

When mine were babies, many years ago, DH and I used to put our daughter in the car and drive around until she fell asleep. It usually worked.

I'm sorry, everybody here will hate me but its survival. This little one is going to survive and thrive and has her own ideas and personality.
Better times are ahead.
But right now, you are the parent. You are the adult and if she's safe and loved, a bit of cry might be just how it goes for a week or 2.

Well that doesn’t work with mine. Apparently I was the toddler who would just be put in the cot and go to sleep no bother but mine just won’t.