Ex refusing to bring phone back.... what can I do?

[choosetime]

My ex currently has our daughter for three weeks. There's a court order in place.

He has sent me a message stating that he wants to be on our daughter's iPhone as the organiser again (he was before but I made him take it off as felt like he was policing it).

He has stated that he's not happy with daughter's phone content and usage. Then added two screen shots of the time she's on it. So he's obviously had a snoop on here to see what she's been doing and how long etc.

Didn't realise it was that much but they are both 47 hours ish a week. She's 11.

He's not happy and said until I move him back on there he won't allow my daughter to come back with it. I pay for it. It's mine; so is this theft? Can I call the police if he does this?

He states it's damaging her and no child should be on a phone that much. I'm so annoyed.

Legally.

If the OP and her ex could sit down like adults and work out a solution, she wouldn't have started a thread.

I imagine her ex is very concerned about his daughter's screen time and content she's watching and doesn't trust the OP to effectively monitor it.

I'm sure if she sought to sort something out in order to safeguard their daughter, he would hand back the phone. It appears as though he wants admin privilege because he doesn't feel his ex will monitor their child.

I'd come down like a tonne of bricks on an ex who allowed my child unlimited internet access. There are primary school kids with porn addictions, because parents are too bone idle to monitor their children's phone use.

The police won't get involved in an argument between parents about their child's phone use so I wouldn't worry about it.

@cupcaske123

The post I've quoted here puts it more succinctly than I did.

I've listened to the points you (and others) have made; I've agreed with you (and others) that screen time and phone use should be monitored; yet you (and others) still keep pushing the point about monitoring phone use (with a dash of 'safeguarding' hyperbole thrown in), whilst, apparently, being unable or unwilling to acknowledge that perfectly reasonable points have been made about coercion. 🙄

Which of us is being unreasonable?

The person refusing to safeguard their child is unreasonable.

And you're making a lot of assumptions here. You know nothing about these people. He may or may not be genuinely concerned, he may or may not be using the situation as a means of exerting control. We don't know.

Show me where they refused to safeguard their child FFS! Cognitive bias, much?

And the father's behaviour is "reasonable"? 🙄They can both be wrong!

There's no need to be aggressive. The OP says:

He has stated that he's not happy with daughter's phone content and usage.

There are apps you can download which limit screen time and what you can view. You can also limit what can be viewed on WIFI. Takes minutes to set up. They could also have a conversation about checking phone use, although there are apps that mirror what your child is watching.

Beats police involvement.

@cupcaske123 How does "he has stated that he's not happy with daughter's phone content and usage" equate to a refusal to safeguard? You make no sense. And you are ignoring my previous comments, which have already AGREED that they should discuss. The problem is that HE escalated first, he used coercion to make demands without trying to discuss.

Been great chatting with you. Enjoy your weekend.

OP as stated, try and come up with a compromise regarding phone use. There are loads of apps you can use to limit screen time and content. You just need to have a discussion about phone monitoring. I'm sure you can work something out.

Tell him that you will contact the police if he doesn’t give the phone back.

But agree that she needs limits on the screen time and you will be putting things in place to ensure she isn’t on it so often.