Ex refusing to bring phone back.... what can I do?

[choosetime]

My ex currently has our daughter for three weeks. There's a court order in place.

He has sent me a message stating that he wants to be on our daughter's iPhone as the organiser again (he was before but I made him take it off as felt like he was policing it).

He has stated that he's not happy with daughter's phone content and usage. Then added two screen shots of the time she's on it. So he's obviously had a snoop on here to see what she's been doing and how long etc.

Didn't realise it was that much but they are both 47 hours ish a week. She's 11.

He's not happy and said until I move him back on there he won't allow my daughter to come back with it. I pay for it. It's mine; so is this theft? Can I call the police if he does this?

He states it's damaging her and no child should be on a phone that much. I'm so annoyed.

He doesn't get to steal her property, or control what goes on in her house.

It doesn't sound like they are coparenting, which is a shame. But it leaves them both in charge of their own time with DC.

He can confiscate it while she's with him. But he needs to return it with her.

Do whatever you need to to get the phone back. Meanwhile report the phone as list or stolen and let the police decide if they can be buggered.

If ex is unhappy with your daughter's usage she can leave it at yours when she goes to see him.

There is reason for that, some parents need a wake up call this just say something nice so the op can feel good does not help children

I know it is novel around here but the father is right

He is also her parent, and he is also the only one looking out for this child. All the OP is concerned about is that the phone is “her property”, and not that she is miserably failing to parent and protect her child

Spot on. It’s such an odd post with total focus on the ownership of the phone and zilch care of wellbeing of the daughter.

That's he has said he's keeping it and won't bring her back with it! I pay for it. It's my property.
Then why didn't he take over the contract. You aren't monitoring it properly

“Be kind” isn’t a synonym for “make shit choices with impunity”. HTH.

He’s a thief and you’re a bad parent. Poor kid!

Yes, you can go to the police and get them to intervene if he steals it from you

I'm sure he's a monumental controlling prick but in this case he's in the right and you should say

"Thanks for picking this up, please put limits on it of 2hours a day and then return it to me at the end of the holiday"

This.

Tell him that if he doesn't return it you will report it as stolen.

Tell him that he can set phone usage hours while with him as he sees fit and you are happy to discuss the issue of the number of hours she's on it, but he can't keep the phone as it is your property and it's theft.

An 11 year with an iPhone and unlimited access is the problem.

The child's father is invested in her well-being. You, much less so.

Regardlsss of what anyone thinks about the time op's child is on the phone, the phone itself belongs to OP and her ex is refusing to return it. That is completely inappropriate it's pretty much theft

Yes it is your phone.
Do you have a preferred length of time she could be using the phone daily and come to an agreement between yourself and your child without needing to add him?
I have never used a parent control app so no idea except he muat be able to see everything including your conversations?

Regardless

Im not sure the police would do anything. Legally it's your property, as a parent he can confiscate it from her while she's in his care, but in theory he has to give it back to you. I don't know how you'd actually enforce that short of taking him to small claims court. I'm not even sure you can do that for theft.

Actively stealing you mean

He is right and you are wrong. 47 hours a week is crazy! That’s almost 7 hours per day. Does she not go to school??? My daughter is the same age and she has 2 hrs limit per day incl weekends. And I feel this is too much. Your ex husband is spot on.

No, I don’t.

She is spending too much time on it I would take it off her at certain times, eg. Dinner time and before she goes to bed

But I would also call the police to get my property back.

@SemperIdem you're ok with the ex refusing to hand back the phone then, thereby stealing it?

I don't understand how some people aren't getting it, it's not about the usage it's about the refusing to hand back OP's property. They are two different things.

People get it. What they don't get is why the OPs only concern is getting the phone back and painting her ex as some sort of monster.

Why no concern for the almost 50 hours a week unrestricted access to the Internet and the fathers very real worry about this. He can be a shit ex and still right about this issue.

Sounds like the OP will get the phone back and make zero changes which is why he wants some control over the situation.

@Procrastinates because ultimately even if you disagree you don't steal someone else's property. Also being split from your child's other parent doesn't give you rights over the property of your ex. The child's father has gone about it all the wrong way.

So he just hands the phone back because it's the ops property and acknowledges his child will spend almost 50 hours on the Internet unrestricted and he can't do shit about it because the OP doesn't seem the slightest bit concerned about that just about being right.

Not sure many posters would be advocating that if the roles were reversed.

Your ex is right.