Ex refusing to bring phone back.... what can I do?

[choosetime]

My ex currently has our daughter for three weeks. There's a court order in place.

He has sent me a message stating that he wants to be on our daughter's iPhone as the organiser again (he was before but I made him take it off as felt like he was policing it).

He has stated that he's not happy with daughter's phone content and usage. Then added two screen shots of the time she's on it. So he's obviously had a snoop on here to see what she's been doing and how long etc.

Didn't realise it was that much but they are both 47 hours ish a week. She's 11.

He's not happy and said until I move him back on there he won't allow my daughter to come back with it. I pay for it. It's mine; so is this theft? Can I call the police if he does this?

He states it's damaging her and no child should be on a phone that much. I'm so annoyed.

@Procrastinates he doesn't get a choice it's not his property of course he hands it back, otherwise it literally is theft. I don't care if the roles were reversed, if it was woman doing it I would call them out as a thief as well.

So you'd be happy just handing the phone back if it was your child?

All he's asked is to have some control over the amount of times she's on it as the OP clearly doesn't want to do that.

Yes it's technically not his property but other than keeping it he doesn't seem to have much other choice in helping resolve the issue. Genuinely what would you advise he did instead because the OP doesn't seem like she's going to be implementing any parental restrictions or that she even knew he kid spent almost 50 hours a week on the Internet.

@Procrastinates yes I would hand it back because I wouldn't risk a criminal record which is what he's doing and your minimising criminal behaviour. He also has to accept that being split from the child's mother he can't control what happens over at her house other than if he has concerns about neglect or abuse. Are you genuinely saying his concerns warrant acting illegally cause that's what you're justifying?

To answer your question, OP - No. Legally it isn’t theft. Theft requires a dishonest intention to permanently deprive. Your Ex’s intent is to stop your DD using it inappropriately.

An inexperienced officer might take a report, but as soon as their sergeant sees what they’ve done, they’ll be told to drop it. You might be able to get a court order saying he isn’t to interfere with the phone, but he might be able to get a court order saying you aren’t allowed to give her access to a phone without parental controls.

You need to see if you can parent on this matter together. As many posters have made clear - his perspective on this is not an uncommon one. He isn’t just being an ass. The two of you need to discuss the problem, take each other’s perspectives into account and come up with limits you are both okay with and enforce them.

Surely that's a typo?????? How could anyone spend 47 hours a week on a phone? That's more than a full time job!

I think yes actually I'd rather risk my ex filing a report of theft than give me child unlimited access to the Internet for so long each week.

If the OP reported it as theft and took it further to court etc yes he would have to return the phone but he would probably be the winner in the end as no judge is going to think his actions are unreasonable he's the one with the childs best interests at heart.

@Procrastinates are you seriously saying you'd risk impacting your employment by risking a criminal record thereby risking your ability to provide for your child over a phone believing a judge would say that's ok you can steal your ex's property if it's for in your opinion a good enough cause? Absolutely mad. The ex has stollen property the OP can prove belongs to her. The ex does not get to say how the OP raises their daughter in her own home save for if he had concerns over abuse or neglect. That's all there is.

Well no I'm not because he's not going to get a bloody criminal record is he.

If the OP filed a report he would hand the phone back and that would be the end of it on that front but it would probably aid his case in future because he is doing it to protect his child, allowing your child so much time unrestricted inline is pretty blooming harmful don't you think. As I said if it went to court no one is going to look at what he did and say he was being controlling he's trying to take precautions to limit his child's unrestricted screen time.

The OP won't put limits in place and won't let him put limits in place and monitor it he's tried to discuss the issue and co-parent but the OP is just interested in getting the phone back.

Jesus Christ who the hell buys an 11 year old a phone and allows them to spend nearly 7 hours a day on it? Absolutely appalling.

If I was him I'd throw the phone in the river and I wouldn't care who was paying for it.

If he's going to hand it back if the police tell him to why not just hand it back normally? Just to cause op more issues?

You're not getting it - whether you agree with it or not, he can't control what OP does with her child when the child is in her care that's what happens if parents split up. He can only restrict the use of the phone when he has care of his child

I am totally shocked if 47 hours a week is actually correct. That is a serious addiction and so incredibly unhealthy

Agree that it is too much time and agree a limit between you. However tell him you want the phone back either way as it is ultimately yours not your daughters.

Call the police and ask if you report it as theft how will they follow up.

Ask them to have a word as yes, it's definitively theft.

And when she comes home to you parent her access properly.

Can't believe that most posters are ignoring the coercive behaviour of the ex here; yes, he's right about the phone hours, but FFS! She could report him for coercion rather than theft.

Petite saying it's too much, my "screwed time" is arrived the same bit I use my phone to listen to a lot of audio books add piss cars and fire stone rain that registers as screen time even though I'm actually driving or doing house work. Plus it's the start of the holidays, I doubt it's that high when she's in school!

I do are that 1-2 hours a day should be enough for but if she is going to limit screen time only for the kids to put the phone down and go onto a switch/ps5 etc then it's a false economy.

This is almost definitely a reverse

Probably best to leave the police out of this one and work together with co-parenting for your child's best interests.

I have no fucking idea what happened here with my spelling 😂😂😂

Audio books, music and videos all account for screen time. It's likely not as bad as he thinks op.

Definitely DO call the police and ask them to call him and have a word as he's threatening a crime and being coercively controlling.

And then parent her phone access appropriately in future.

And you missed the post with the legal definition of theft, which does not cover this situation.

He isn't doing either actually.

Do you think she was really on it that long ? or is there a glitch in recording eg it didn't go back to the lock screen

@Spirallingdownwards

"And you missed the post with the legal definition of theft, which does not cover this situation."

Section 1 Theft Act:

(1) A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it; and “thief” and “steal” shall be construed accordingly.

(2) It is immaterial whether the appropriation is made with a view to gain, or is made for the thief’s own benefit.

What part of it did I get wrong? How does it not cover this situation?

There is no intention to permanently deprive.

The intention is to monitor a child's inappropriate usage in the absence of the other parent failing to do so.