hands up if you are a slummy mummy??

[nappyaddict]

fantastic website here to give you tips

come on own up! what things do you do that make people gasp in horror? are you the sort of mum who wipes dummies and bottle tears on your tshirt and gives straight back if they get dropped? i have done it with biscuits too stuff the 3 second rule - it's 10 seconds here!! i always forget to wash my hands after nappy changes too and tbh i only use wipes and water for poohey nappies. with wet ones i just take it off and put the new one on straight away

i am often forgetting to brush ds' teeth. we never brush them at nighttime and he will sometimes go 2 days without having them brushed. must remember to step this up a bit when he gets his adult teeth.

i don't change ds' nappy as often as i should. i did have to dry ds trousers under the handdryer in the toilets though cos i had left one on too long. usually try and change him about every 4 hours but sometimes i just ... forget. he normally only has a bath and hairwash once a week but episodes like this mean he sometimes has an extra one midweek.

also once when we weren't travelling far and it was pitch black i didn't strap the car seat in properly, just put it on the back seat. we had a very awkward car seat that in 2 peoples cars does not strap in properly. i just made sure the front seat is right against it so it can't go anywhere. our car seat was one of those that lies flat when on the pushchair, so in the car is meant to be in the most upright position. at 3 months old this didn't look very comfortable but did it anyway as i couldnt get the car seat in my friends car if i didn't. cue gasps from this woman saying oooh he shouldn't be upright like that. cue her saying oh my dd got her ds one of those door bouncers - you should get him one. now to me they look dangerous!

oh and not really child related but i rarely wear a seatbelt myself. i do in other people's cars though ...

oh and weight limits and warnings on baby products. ds sat in his baby seat for months after he could sit up and was over the weight limit.

the only thing i would be anal about really is drawing on walls and ripping wallpaper which luckily ds hasn't done yet. he is allowed to play with balls in the house, and ride his trike and ride ons in the house too. i also let him push his cars along the wall. have to watch him at other people's houses cos they usually tell their kids off for that. will let him skate in the house too when he's old enough.

not at this stage yet, but my mum used to sometimes let me have the day off school just because and i will probably let ds occasionally have a day off. for me it was usually because i hadn't done some homework that was due in.

when i go out for the day and take milk i just shove it in my handbag - no chilled cool bags for ds! oh and i feed him cold milk and have fed him cold baby food before. i often don't plan meals then he is screaming for dinner so in a mad panic i will open the fridge i give him whatever is edible uncooked. yesterday he had ham, malt loaf with butter and a cherry yohghurt altogether on his highchair. he ate the yoghurt first. today he had banana, meatballs, yoghurt and chocolate brioche.

How very naive of you Fruitloops2muchchoc to state that you totally agree with something that you haven't even bothered to read!!!! I repeat...be careful what you say you agree with. It might have been a good idea to actually read Nappyaddicts posts don't you think. Would have saved you some grief on here if nothing else!!!!

"it's crazy and mean to jump to the conclusion from what she's written that she starves her child for two days and doesn't bother about it."

I just read what was posted. You're the one who jumped to the conclusion that the child was fed or offered food because nowhere in the post does it actually say that.

Take the point about dirtiness - there is so much posted about not cleaning the baby - I really thought it would be thoroughly neglected and smelling of wee and permanently in dirty clothes til I saw the photos. You just read what is posted, because that's what it sounds like.

Don't even get me on the illegal stuff like the car seats and allowing truancy later on in life. Gawd knows what that was about.

Yes Janni, that's a fair point. I think I read what people say too literally. I am literal minded by training I think.

But NA had already posted the following before your posts, Quattro:

"there are a few things that i need to find out more about such as suncream, and whether it is necessary to wash hands before eating even if we aren't eating with our hands cos i would hate to make him poorly. i have found out that by not wearing my own seatbelt i could be endangering ds so because i know i won't remember i have put a big sign in marker pen on the back of the driver's seat to remind me."

It certainly reads to me as though she was listening to people.

but i say again, if a child refuses food for a couple of days it ISN'T the end of the world, quattro.

however, for the record NA also said in the same quote that her ds is chunky and she knows he'll eat when he's hungry, so taken COMPLETELY literally that cannot mean that he is being left without food, can it? if he'll eat when he's hungry then it clearly suggests the opposite.

This thread really is disgusting - poor NA, you sound like a lovely and loving mum and have very graciously taken on board the safety issues people have raised.

As for not getting neurotic over food, washing (I was never bathed every day as a small child), second hand shoes, or the odd day off school, I wouldn't worry about those things - it's totally an issue of individual parenting style/choice.

I agree, coppertop, I thought so too: even while being pelted with rotten eggs NA was still prepared to listen and take on board what people were saying.

I'm willing to bet that there are a lot of people out there who may be doing more washing than NA but have no clue about how to listen - really listen - to criticism.

If NA can hang onto that all too rare ability she'll be formidable, in general life and as a parent.

what a nice thing to say, wellie, and how true.
i hope NA is feeling a bit less battered now, it was just a thread that went wrong, that's all. i hope we see her around soon.

We bath and brush Toms teeth twice a week. Need to up the tooth brushing. I don't change him as often as I should. I do usually wash my hands though! I once had a lift home from FIL as all the trains had been cancelled, so Tom wasn't in a car seat. Taxi and unplanned journeys are not illegal though.

I always wear a seatbelt. The driver gets fined and you could kill someone if you are unbelted in the back (seen that advert?). Toms had cold food before. So have I. We still mash and cube food for him.

We have 3 stairgates and no stairs, lol. We don't have locks on all cupboards and no socket plugs in use at all. We have leads all over the place. Tom has just gone to bed, late yes, but I work 3 nights a week and have to pick him up from the PIL.

I know PIL let Tom play out on their backyard on his own. I can't think of anything else.

The not eating thing is teething/age. They will eat if hungry.

Quatro said "NA was in a strange world where it was genuinely okay not to wash/feed/dress/change/brush teeth/strap in car/read to/"

Well tbh, that might not be ok in your world, but for plenty of people those things are NO BIG DEAL. I have a friend who's absolutely sweet, delightful, loved and cared for children are always filthy, with unbrushed hair and second hand clothes (they're probably lucky to get a bath a week tbh) because that kind of thing just isn't important to her. She's the kind of mum who does the school run with a coat thrown on over her pyjamas. She's a great mum with happy, healthy kids though.

I've worked as a nanny for families who I'd say are a little lax with the nappy changes - more lax than I would be. I worked for a family whose toddler didn't go to bed before 10pm, and a couple who didn't do bedtime stories. The kids weren't in anyway neglected.

A child may be always dressed well, clean and washed and hair brushed, at school on time every day, eating perfectly balanced nutritious meals, watching no television but reading educational books and visiting museums, impeccable manners - but be miserable, unloved and emotionally neglected. I'd rather see a child happy and loved like NA's boy obviously is, even if they're a little rough around the edges.

Rahrah, now that is so true especially that last paragraph

I think some of the posts on this thread are shocking. I think it's evident that NA started this thread as something lighthearted and funny, and some people have been very nasty.

Nobody, no mother, no father is a perfect parent. But we strive to be, in our own ways. To some it'll mean having super clean children who eat nothing but organic food and have the reading age of 11 at the age of 4. To others it means rolling around in dirt, or sitting in the dogs bed sharing a block of cheese (yes, when I was 2!) or seeing your kid eat a worm and knowing that it's totally vile, but that's just kids!

I'll admit to finding some of the things NA listed as a bit as I do things differenlty. My dd is washed and bathed every night, I'm not anal it's just we have a dog and she's moving about so much now that she gets dirty during the day. I would never put her into her clean bed whilst she's filthy lol! She also has a strict bedtime routine because I'm with her all day, I therefore like her down to sleep at 7pm to have some me time. I always make sure she's strapped in, I never leave her with a wet/dirty nappy - ever. She's young and unable to do things for herself, I try and tune in as best as I can to her needs.

But that's me, we all do things differently. As does NA, but it doesn't make her a bad mother by any means. If anything, I read that NA's little boy has an amazingly fun filled life, with a mum who'll let him get down and dirty. She's aware that she's made a few mistakes. But we all do. We learn from them, that's how we know they're mistakes.

I hope she's not feeling too battered!

One of the things that's been kind of interesting on this thread is the bouts of hysterical-herd-animal behaviour whereupon anyone who queries The Way It's Done must be 'insane' or 'neglectful' or 'thinks its cool to be a rebel'. There are an awful lot of things that lots of people thought were OK for years and years and are now not thought of as OK, similarly there are lots of modern parenting things that would have been greeted with horror 30 or 40 years ago. Quite a lot of the current Proper Parenting stuff is propaganda put out by companies wanting your money (having different types of handwash for different times of day/different family members, never buying secondhand clothes, and don't get me started on the car seat hysteria). Most kids survive just fine. Most kids remember, once they grow up, whether or not they felt loved and had fun rather than whether or not every meal arrived on time and how often their noses were wiped.

Aitch, you've been utterly lovely to Nappies on this thread. She did herself a great disservice with her OP, but, I think many have taken what she's said so far out of context its unbelievable.

Quattro - I usually find your posts measured and reasonable, but I have to agree with others in that your post was very aggressive, and over the top in response, particularly considering you have misinterpreted some of the things nappies said wrt to feeding issues and have jumped to some pretty huge conclusions.

Nappies said firstly about food:"
"i often don't plan meals then he is screaming for dinner so in a mad panic i will open the fridge i give him whatever is edible uncooked. yesterday he had ham, malt loaf with butter and a cherry yohghurt altogether on his highchair. he ate the yoghurt first. today he had banana, meatballs, yoghurt and chocolate brioche. "

23 posts later she said....

"By nappyaddict on Sun 13-Apr-08 02:38:49
if he goes a day or two without eating i don't get overly stressed about it. he's a chunky boy and i know he'll eat eventually."

Yet, you've stuck these two comments together and merged them into one statement that is just not the case.

Also, below:

"17 we don't have stairgates, fireguards, plug covers, cupboard locks etc. NO I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD"

"21 we don't do bedtime stories TOO MUCH EFFORT IS IT?"

The above two comments you added after addressing Nappies comments were just plain sarcastic and nasty. No need for it at all. In my humble opinion.

Also, absolutely fabulous post by underrated.

Finally - nappies - did you not learn after the "is it okay for my neighbour to babysit next door" saga?????

At last posts of reason here. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about the sheer nastiness of alot of posts and yet I couldn't post in reply in a calm manner. If I were a newbie to mumsnet and had stumbled across this thread I would have left in sheer horror.

Most of what I came on here to post having gathered my thoughts has been covered by the more recent posts so I won't cover ground already said.

To put it politely I do think some people need to take a deep breath and think before they judge, stick the boot in and nastily tear apart a poster. I joined this thread very early on when it was a light hearted thread about un-matching socks etc... admittedly a few of NA's posts were not acceptable but how and why certain posters felt the need to be so nasty over and over again is beyond me.

I wasn't going to post anymore on this but there is something i want to ask bexie and i might aswell give my thoughts on a few other things whilst I am here. Anyway bexie is that true about unplanned journeys? If that's the case won't people just tell the police it was an unplanned journey if they got caught?

So for my thoughts on some things people have written since yesterday...

I went to school and happily washed my hands cos that's what everyone else did even though i never did it anywhere else. As soon as you were finished you were allowed out to play.

What I sometimes give him for lunch in a rush may be random but it's not unhealthy. Also you can't force kids to eat. If he won't eat for a day or two I don't really know what i'm supposed to do except offer milk and water and hope he'll take at least a little bit of that. He won't starve or dehydrate to death - he'll do it when he wants to and has never gone for more than a couple of days. If he did go longer than that without eating anything i would get worried. He has gone a bit longer with just picking at bits here and there though. I usually put it down to teeth cos as aitch says he is normally a good eater although he did have a late start (about 9 or 10 months) to solids just cos he wasn't interested. as stripeymama said - i meant that i offer food and if he doesn't eat it i don't stress. not that i don't bother to give him food for 2 days.

It would be lazy if i thought oh i should really wash my hands now but you know what i'm not going to bother. with me it just doesn't enter my head. actually the last couple of days as a result of this thread i have found myself thinking about it and have done it. then thinking to myself this is crazy - why am i doing this just to please a load of people on the internet. but cos the thought has entered my head that i should maybe wash them i can't not.

in the op i actually said i don't bother too much with suncream but will do a quick wipe over with those wipes you can get. i'm just not neurotic about applying it every hour on the dot. i will reapply as and when i remember and if i think he needs some more. i also said if it is really hot and he's going around with nothing on then i am more hot on it (scuse the non intentional pun).then i use a waterproof one that lasts all day so it doesn't matter that i won't remember to reapply it.

No, I don't read to ds every day. We are out all day, every day most of the week and then its tea, bottle and bed. Half of the time he's half asleep before he's even finished his bottle let alone making time for a story. If we are at home for a longer period in the day, then yes I will try to read to him, but most of the time he doesn't want to be read to. He takes the book away from me cos he wants to look at it on his own. I'd much rather he looked at it on his own if that's what he wants rather than me force him to listen to me reading it and him not enjoy it.

thanks for some of the nicer posts towards the end, especially niceglasses who has tried to say it was meant to be lighthearted througout and to aitch aswell for starting the niceties later on. i think on threads like this once one person gets flamed no one else wants to admit they agree or defend them which is understandable, so they wait until someone else sticks up for the op and then they will do it to.

oh and as for this being made up to get reactions - i don't think i would have let it run this far if it was do you? no, i don't do all of the stuff all of the time so i suppose you could say in that sense its exagerrated (sp??)

if he is enjoying looking at books, na, he is as good as being read to. don't worry about that one! it's all about sharing and enjoying at this age, not actually reading...

Riven - that would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. SS are SO inconsistent! We're approved adopters and have finally managed to kick out the last of the social workers. Sometimes I think they like to spend a long time having cups of tea with families like us, on our best behaviour because we need their approval, running their courses with large numbers of SW in attendance and writing their reams of paperwork, rather than just getting on with the crucial work that needs doing.

NA re. unplanned journeys have a look at this. tbh there isn't really a temporarily safe way to take a wee baby or toddler because of the way adult seatbelts are positioned. morons who regularly expose their children to risk by travelling without car seats or boosters might well lie to the police, but they are morons.

glad you're not shaking in a corner, i bloody would be if i'd taken that battering. underrated's post is a brilliant one, don't you think?

a couple of things that puzzle me:

1)thought pillows were OK after 12 months
2)my CBT guy who I was seeing for OCD/germ phobia (and who is a trained nurse) reckoned it was fine not to wash your hands after changing a dirty nappy, as long as you washed hands before food prep.

otherwise - excellent post Underrated.

think she was talking about pillows b4 12 m

"There are an awful lot of things that lots of people thought were OK for years and years and are now not thought of as OK, similarly there are lots of modern parenting things that would have been greeted with horror 30 or 40 years ago."

Absolutely. My MIL had no hot water in her bathroom as a child. If you wanted a bath you had to carry it up the stairs from the copper. So obviously that didn't happen very often. A stand up wash with a flannel was more usual. DH's neices nearly fainted with horror when they heard this. So I very much doubt that any child got a bath or even a very thorough wash every day.

My mum was fed on diluted condensed milk as a baby. Her mum didn't/couldn't bf and they lived in the back pf beyond in Oz so now fresh milk and no formula apparently. Horrifying now but not that unusual then I would imagine.

And 'modern children' are so cheeky according to many older people who expect children to be quiet and well-behaved all the time.

And, yes. I think that things today are better in many many ways. But that doesn't mean that there is only one way. I've posted about this in the past - how bloody dispiriting MN can be when the majority get out their 'Perfect Parents Handbook' and throw it at the bad girls who don't/won't follow the rules. And it's about more than the seperate elements of NA's posts - it seems to be a simple gut reaction of horror in some cases that she dares to take the terribly important 'job' of parenting with a bit of a pinch of salt.