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hands up if you are a slummy mummy??

537 replies

nappyaddict · 13/04/2008 01:09

fantastic website here to give you tips

come on own up! what things do you do that make people gasp in horror? are you the sort of mum who wipes dummies and bottle tears on your tshirt and gives straight back if they get dropped? i have done it with biscuits too stuff the 3 second rule - it's 10 seconds here!! i always forget to wash my hands after nappy changes too and tbh i only use wipes and water for poohey nappies. with wet ones i just take it off and put the new one on straight away

i am often forgetting to brush ds' teeth. we never brush them at nighttime and he will sometimes go 2 days without having them brushed. must remember to step this up a bit when he gets his adult teeth.

i don't change ds' nappy as often as i should. i did have to dry ds trousers under the handdryer in the toilets though cos i had left one on too long. usually try and change him about every 4 hours but sometimes i just ... forget. he normally only has a bath and hairwash once a week but episodes like this mean he sometimes has an extra one midweek.

also once when we weren't travelling far and it was pitch black i didn't strap the car seat in properly, just put it on the back seat. we had a very awkward car seat that in 2 peoples cars does not strap in properly. i just made sure the front seat is right against it so it can't go anywhere. our car seat was one of those that lies flat when on the pushchair, so in the car is meant to be in the most upright position. at 3 months old this didn't look very comfortable but did it anyway as i couldnt get the car seat in my friends car if i didn't. cue gasps from this woman saying oooh he shouldn't be upright like that. cue her saying oh my dd got her ds one of those door bouncers - you should get him one. now to me they look dangerous!

oh and not really child related but i rarely wear a seatbelt myself. i do in other people's cars though ...

oh and weight limits and warnings on baby products. ds sat in his baby seat for months after he could sit up and was over the weight limit.

the only thing i would be anal about really is drawing on walls and ripping wallpaper which luckily ds hasn't done yet. he is allowed to play with balls in the house, and ride his trike and ride ons in the house too. i also let him push his cars along the wall. have to watch him at other people's houses cos they usually tell their kids off for that. will let him skate in the house too when he's old enough.

not at this stage yet, but my mum used to sometimes let me have the day off school just because and i will probably let ds occasionally have a day off. for me it was usually because i hadn't done some homework that was due in.

when i go out for the day and take milk i just shove it in my handbag - no chilled cool bags for ds! oh and i feed him cold milk and have fed him cold baby food before. i often don't plan meals then he is screaming for dinner so in a mad panic i will open the fridge i give him whatever is edible uncooked. yesterday he had ham, malt loaf with butter and a cherry yohghurt altogether on his highchair. he ate the yoghurt first. today he had banana, meatballs, yoghurt and chocolate brioche.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
flossish · 16/04/2008 19:45

Probably in the world outside of Mn NA isn't so unusual...

iloatheironing · 16/04/2008 20:02

I have read most of this thread and Fruitloop you say "I toatally agree with what you're saying Nappy ". As you are a childminder I would question the wisdom of this. I would worry if I had a childminder who "totally agreed" with leaving a child unattended in the bath or highchair, or agreed that it wasn't really necessary to wash your hands after changing a nappy so long as it was only a wet one.( I won't go down the seatbelt/carseat bit - I think that's been done to death.) I'm not a neurotic "perfect parent". I have taken my dd on the school run still wearing pjs, I'm not particularly bothered if kids wear odd socks although it's not something I would do, etc, etc. I've never had a problem with kids getting muddy but would give them a bath afterwards. But would I be ok with a childminder who agreed it was alright for kids to hit each other so long as they didn't start it, or snatch toys back so long as they had said toy first? NO I wouldn't. I equally wouldn't want a childminder who didn't think stairgates, fireguards, socket covers,etc were necessary. Be careful what you say you agree with is all I'm saying.

iloatheironing · 16/04/2008 20:12

I have just re-read Nappy's self confessed lists of "slummy mummyness" and I have to say there are numerous confessions that I would be extremely unhappy with a childminder of mine proffessing to agree with. Sorry

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3kidsisquiteenuff · 16/04/2008 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 20:28

me too, tbh. although for the record i don't believe NA has adopted these practices across the board, she's a good mum i'm Absolutely Certain, and a lovely woman imo. but she is 19 and without wishing to sound like i'm Old Mother Time i do think that you learn to moderate your tone with age. that's all i think happened here, a classic OP gone wrong scenario.

however i think that if a CM is taking someone's money to look after their child they owe them a debt of honesty in return, and sometimes that might mean just saying 'nah, you're not for me, we're a clash of parenting styles'. it seems to me most unprofessional not to. by advertising yourself as a CM you're the one putting things on a professional footing. if someone's granny's looking after their kid they've no real redress, for example. and tbvh i'm not any more convinced that teachers (who should sometimes be reminded who pays their wages) should feel at liberty to bitch about their charges on parenting websites. i'd never dream about whinging about my job on here, seems outrageously unprofessional to me.

but yes, if a CM agrees totally with NA's list i'd be very worried, and i'd have thought Ofsted would have something to say about it.

fruitl0ops2muchchoc · 16/04/2008 20:29

Oh FFS

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 20:31

you're really rather aggressive, aren't you FL? can't you just think about responding constructively?

...and i fear your spelling and grammar, 3kidsisenuff.

fruitl0ops2muchchoc · 16/04/2008 20:33
Hmm
AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 20:37

LOL, i'll take that as a no, shall i?

WallOfSilence · 16/04/2008 20:50

3kids, that's classed as a personal insult & isn't very fair.

FL, I am sorry, I really feel sorry for the little guy who is strapped into a seat/buggy What do you mean by getting 'fractious'? Do you see them playing outside on the swings & run out & grab him if you think he's going to take a tumble? I feel his parent should know he spends half his time in a buggy or seat, as I know if it were me I would rather look for alternative childcare than have him strapped in.

picklebum · 16/04/2008 20:52

I'm such a good mum

Quattrocento · 16/04/2008 20:57

Aitch - your posts on this thread have been wierdly contradictory.

First of all you say that NA's practices are fine and you are sure she's a good mum

Which is odd enough in itself because if she practises all the habits NA says she practises, I'd be really worried.

But then you take exception with a CM who agrees with NA because "if a CM agrees totally with NA's list i'd be very worried, and i'd have thought Ofsted would have something to say about it."

You're being very contradictory you know and making my head ache with all the about-turns, I can't keep up ... there isn't any logic ... it doesn't compute ...

scottishmummy · 16/04/2008 21:10

NA has not cast aspersions on anyone else ability to parent but sheesh plenty have been nasty about her

her op contained smiles obviously tongue in cheek (to me anyway) doubt she expected the MN posse to get stuck in and give her a metaphorical kicking

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 21:18

not true, quattro, there's no contradiction whatsoever and i think you're being a bit rude tbh and not for the first time on this thread. if you really have a headache i suggest taking a couple of paracetamol rather than sitting in front of a flickering screen.

parents aren't monitored by Ofsted, they aren't paid to do their job, they don't have professional standards to keep to, employers to report to nor health and safety measures to take. the are not, crucially, taking temporary custody of Someone Else's Child.

instead, parents have RLs that intrude and factors (such as youth) that perhaps encourage them to post in a rather gallus manner on websites.

if a CM boasted about doing everything on NA's list i would be concerned. if they did these things with their own child it wouldn't really be any of my business. perhaps i'd be shocked if i'd never heard of the person before on MN and didn't know that they are only nineteen and prone to making sometimes naive posts.

the fact that FL 'totally agrees' with NA's list is worrying to me, because for all i know she could be looking after a child i know and care for. and even if i don't, as a parent i don't think it's too much to ask for honesty between employer and employee. no loss to her, remember, she's much in demand...

i just don't believe for a minute that NA's list points to any sort of disregard for HER son. she is nineteen years old and i am convinced from other posts of hers and contact i have had with her that she is doing her best under straitened circumstances.

i'm not applauding the car seat thing, as stated previously, but as for the rest of it, it seemed to me they either came from misunderstandings (easily corrected if people had paused in their character assassination) or just differing priorities.

who cares if she puts her kid into SH shoes? presumably she means 'as new'. who cares if her child goes off his solid food for a couple of days and she doesn't fly into a neurotic panic about it? (as it happens, i rather applaud her for that). who cares if her child is too tired at night for bedtime stories, she may be reading to him at other times? etcetera etcetera etcetera ad infinitum.

BUT, a CM claiming to offer a professional service while characterising one of her charges as 'wimpy' and 'bubble boy' and his parents as hysterical etc seems to have missed the point of professionalism imo.

and too right people have been nasty about NA, SM, it's an absolute disgrace the way some people have behaved towards her, tbh. she was clearly joking around.

Quattrocento · 16/04/2008 21:24

No I don't have a headache. It was a metaphorical headache.

I have not been rude, I say things as I see them and I see an inconsistency in that you explain (away) the things that NA says she does but you really get snippy with someone else expressing the same pov. I'll say it again and maybe you'll hear me this time, but it's not logical or consistent.

Anyhow, I think I'll bow out of this thread now.

scottishmummy · 16/04/2008 21:25

nappyaddict- you are a bonnie lassie and your wee one is gorgeous you dont deserve this shit

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 21:31

quattro, you were unbelievably nasty to NA before - unless you've done the right thing and asked for that post to be deleted?

there is no contradiction in my position WHATSOEVER and i think you're being rather contrary in not seeing a professional child carer as being held to a different standard to a young mum. i do hope that your metaphorical headache is not making it difficult for you to take that on board...

SixSpotBurnet · 16/04/2008 21:34

I have dipped into this thread and I'm sorry you seem to have been given such a hard time, nappyaddict.

FWIW, I think my slumminess quotient is quite high:

  • DS3 has gone for weeks without a bath, and even longer without a proper hairwash

  • DS3 still drinks milk out of a bottle at nearly 4 although he does now drink his afternoon milk from a sippy cup so there is hope, nappyaddict!

  • I do take his milk out in the cup if it has been in the fridge right up to the point of departure provided I know he will drink it within 2-3 hours - I don't believe milk which is fresh and has been properly stored can go off that fast
  • my mum used to let me have random days off school - it did me no harm - I ended up getting into a prestigious university
  • my children bounce on sofas and beds, clamber on furniture and were always allowed to have trikes etc indoors
  • one thing I am particular about is tooth-cleaning though - as my own teeth were left to rot and I remember how very painful it was, especially when I had big abcesses on my gums which were full of disgusting tasting liquid (boak)
fruitl0ops2muchchoc · 16/04/2008 21:38

For the record, AitchTwoOh you might have noticed I stated on my 1st post on here that I hadn't read all the posts so I dont know what was on the entire list - Something else for you to nit pick about no doubt.
I was simply agreeing with the fact that kids should be kids, if a biscuit falls on the floor it wont kill them if they eat it, if they want to do fun 'boys' stuff then they should be allowed to join in and if you change one wet nappy every blue moon without using a wipe then it's not the end of the world. I dont agree with the car seat thing. I'm particularly nuerotic about that!
I don't remember saying my charges' parents were 'hysterical' or calling him 'bubble boy' . I love this little boy and no he doesn't spend half the time strapped in the buggy/highchair - that was taken entirely out of context. I put him in when my DS and his friends are getting boisterous or I take him off on his own to amuse him. I just think it's sad he cant join in with the fun that's all.
I should know better than to add my opinion to a thread in Parenting. Talk about blown out of proportion!

Quattrocento · 16/04/2008 21:40

No I wasn't nasty at all - I was honest and truthful - I actually thought it needed to be said because NA was in a strange world where it was genuinely okay not to wash/feed/dress/change/brush teeth/strap in car/read to/ etc and was looking for validation. That's what it reads like.

Genuinely off now - I really hope the little one isn't hungry and dirty etc and that NA was just exaggerating for effect.

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 21:42

"I cant stand all these nuerotic parents! They drive me insane. Especially as I'm a Childminder and was a Nanny for years before. I've got one set of parents at the moment who are so completely nuerotic, it almost makes me nervous to look after their DS. He's almost 2 yrs old and, as 2 yr old do, he gets bumps and knocks to his head quite regularly. Every time this happens they completely over react. It's getting to the point where I keep him strapped in the buggy or highchair for the fear of him getting another bruise on his head!"

i'm just going by what you wrote, FL. particularly "I've got one set of parents at the moment who are so completely nuerotic, it almost makes me nervous to look after their DS."

i just think you should TELL THEM that you feel this way about them and their parenting style. and it's not just me who thinks it, others have posted the same.

SixSpotBurnet · 16/04/2008 21:43

I don't think you can say that a little boy who is bathed and has his hair washed once a week is "dirty" - I really don't. A generation ago that was absolutely normal. I don't know when it became the norm to bath children every day or wash their hair every day but we have been advised several times that this is actually extremely bad for kids' skin.

Similarly, aitch (who knows a thing or two about feeding toddlers) says that nappyaddict's little boy is a good eater - so it's not likely that he is "hungry" - is it?

Quattrocento · 16/04/2008 21:46

NA herself posted that he was screaming with hunger, did not get fed for a couple of days etc etc. Aitch then said that he did get fed - presumably she had more information than was posted on this thread.

AitchTwoOh · 16/04/2008 21:46

you were nasty, absolutely, Quattro. if 'it needed to be said' it sure as hell didn't need to be said like that. and you know her child isn't hungry or dirty, that is such a mean thing to say.
my child certainly doesn't have a bath every night, because i think it's a waste of time and energy and dries out her skin, plus if she is off-colour and doesn't eat for a couple of days but tanks up on milk i don't go calling a medic. want to report me to SS?

welliemum · 16/04/2008 21:47

Here you go, FL:

"I've got one set of parents at the moment who are so completely nuerotic"

"This bubble world he lives in"

....from your earlier post.

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