Social Services want my son to come home to me.. ***MNHQ adding content warning***

[TheGreenBee]

UK.

Social services want my 15yo to come back home to me after he has sexually abused my 4yo which is his brother and he’s also done this to his 8yo brother from his dads house too . I’ve been dealing with 4 safeguarding officers from each of my children’s schools and preschool - they all agree my 15yo should not come home.
Social services are threatening me with claims of neglect despite me begging them for help rehoming him and getting him the help he needs (he’s struggled for a long time with mental health and no one listens or helps and now it’s got way too far) I need to protect the innocent children I have at home, as well as try to find him somewhere safe & suitable to live etc & I keep being told he needs to come home.
His grandma had him a few days but said he had to go, his dad has suggested to social services that he stays in a summer house in his garden - which I’ve argued I don’t think is suitable at all and that he needs to be properly housed.
The social worker laughed at me when I suggested foster care & keeps threatening me and trying to blackmail me etc.
I’m waiting for her report and recommendations but she’s already suggested to me that my 3 other children go to live with their dads and I have my 15yo home but I don’t want to do that, they need their mum more than anything right now and I need them too. I know my 15yo needs help and support too, but I can’t help him in the ways he needs and I feel so hurt and angry and broken over it all I don’t want to look at him or talk to him.
Does anyone have any useful advice on a situation like this?
I feel like the social worker has lost her marbles? Or have I? My head and heart are f*cked tbh.

what about the grandmother - would she allow him on her property? Is the shed moveable? Or has she room for a caravan or similar? Why did she say he had to leave her home? Also, what grades is he going to get at GCSE - realistically, what options will there be after? Maybe a job with accommodation?

He’s got some of the top grades in the year from his prelims and predicted A or A* in most subjects for GCSE.

His grandma doesn’t want him there as he admitted what he’s done and she’s caring for her very unwell husband doesn’t want the stress. Which we have to respect. My brother and sister have young children so can’t take him in either because they have to safeguard their own.

But does the abused child have adequate housing? How is it acceptable that he should see his abuser every day on their property, sharing a bathroom and presumably a kitchen?

OP, I don't have legal or SS advice as I'm not in your country, but you're doing the right thing by moving heaven and earth to protect your little ones.Your oldest, as heartbreaking as it is, is best served if he's gone from the family.

Don't give in to them and don't be bullied by them. Imagine being told that you have to give your other children up to allow the one that abused them back in to the home.

Quite frankly I am appalled at some of the replies on here. As someone else posted, I bet they are not the only victims of his. Or are sexual abuse victims only important when they are adults and not kids?

Get your lawyer to write to SS and tell then that you will NOT be doing this and to cease with the threats.

Easily one of the worst responses in have ever read on here.
The number of parents who bury their heads in the sand vastly outnumber those like the OP who are facing it head on.
I’ve seen it happen numerous times and witnessed the repercussions of parents who convince themselves (and the victims) that it must be a "misunderstanding" or something imagined or misconstrued. No one wants to be in this position.
OP is demonstrably trying to protect her children. Many parents including those from "better" backgrounds cover this stuff up all the time.

He’s not been charged with anything, so how on earth can he be locked up?

"The OP talks about ‘Rehoming’ his as if he’s a stray dog, not one of her own children!"

Does she? Where?

I would put everything they say in writing. Make notes during meetings. Email exactly what they said and cc in the department manager too. Continue to explain why he can not return to your home (don't get involved with dads home that's between him and them) ask school/mp anyone else you can think of police if you have a contact to email explaining this is unsafe. Keep every piece of information. If you need to put in a complaint.

Whilst it's best to work with ss you need to be firm on this.

His grandmother should have him.

Sexual abusers have often been abused themselves I believe

Get the social worker to put the demand in writing then report her to the social work council. I would have her job for this and make her life hell professionally

Nobody sexually abuses children because they have had an I phone taken away.
He's obviously sexually attracted to children and is a very dangerous young man to be around children.

Was he watching porn on his phone?
Sounds like he needs a secure unit to be at to keep children safe.

Maybe he inherited a rogue gene from his father if the father was violent?

In a few short years he could be sexually abusing children- or worse- out of the family.

Then it will be jail.

It sounds horrendous.

Edit: No one sexually abuses children for ''attention'' , either.

Sounds like he's deeply mentally ill and needs a secure unit to be kept in to keep society {and him} ''Safe''.

The social workers need to do their job and find him a suitable placement.

I love the idea that there are all these households happy to take on a violent, sexual abuser 15yo, and the social workers haven't found them because they've been sitting around playing Candy Crush or something during their work hours.

If there is no placement, there is no placement. What are social workers meant to do?

I think either the OP sticks him in a shed with a chemical toilet or he winds up on the streets at this stage.

Councils are going bankrupt and do not have the money for fancy bespoke setups for older teenagers that literally nobody wants.

Undoubtedly- but many women sexually abused as children do not go on to become sexual predators to children.

Would you be happy for this lad to stay in your shed, whilst you have young children living in the house?

Spot on!

My neighbours used to do foster care for tricky teens, but sexual abuse and violence -they wouldn't take these, as they had to keep their other teens safe.

No one is going to want to take on someone else's sexually abusing, violent child.

Why should they?

None of this adds up. No he wouldn’t go into foster care, but is old enough for supported living.

How short sighted. The social worker is the bottom of the pecking order, they literally have no powers. If you want to be gunning for anyone, it should be their manager and the head of service. They’re the only ones with and actual power in decision making. Social workers aren’t stupid, they know when something is wrong but they are puppets. They can challenge service managers until they are blue in the face but it doesn’t mean anything will change.

SW here . Don’t accept him back. I’d write a formal letter raising your concerns and send this via your solicitor. I’d also get the local mp involved. You would be placing your younger children at Significant Harm by allowing your 15 year old back. Your younger children will likely end up on Child Protection Plans if they experience further sexual abuse.

Your son may not get a foster placement but the local authority can provide supported accommodation for him.

What a nasty response.
Get over yourself and stop being so superior. Would you be welcoming a childxabuser into your environment?
The OP is asking for advice, not for bitchy comments

That's horrendous.

Vulnerable children need protection from sexual predators.

What is the answer?

Secure units where sexual predators are incarcerated til they are no longer a risk?

Chemical neutering?

Actual neutering?

Don't think for a minute that teenagers attracted to abusing children are going to give up the drive to abuse young children.

It's a ''philia'' that will continue deep into adulthood.

It's very concerning.

Have her job for not magicking up a placement and reminding OP that only she and the father have parental responsibility for this child? Pipe down.

He's not her son, or anyone else's son. OP isn't happy about it but it may still be the only thing she can do.