Social Services want my son to come home to me.. ***MNHQ adding content warning***

[TheGreenBee]

UK.

Social services want my 15yo to come back home to me after he has sexually abused my 4yo which is his brother and he’s also done this to his 8yo brother from his dads house too . I’ve been dealing with 4 safeguarding officers from each of my children’s schools and preschool - they all agree my 15yo should not come home.
Social services are threatening me with claims of neglect despite me begging them for help rehoming him and getting him the help he needs (he’s struggled for a long time with mental health and no one listens or helps and now it’s got way too far) I need to protect the innocent children I have at home, as well as try to find him somewhere safe & suitable to live etc & I keep being told he needs to come home.
His grandma had him a few days but said he had to go, his dad has suggested to social services that he stays in a summer house in his garden - which I’ve argued I don’t think is suitable at all and that he needs to be properly housed.
The social worker laughed at me when I suggested foster care & keeps threatening me and trying to blackmail me etc.
I’m waiting for her report and recommendations but she’s already suggested to me that my 3 other children go to live with their dads and I have my 15yo home but I don’t want to do that, they need their mum more than anything right now and I need them too. I know my 15yo needs help and support too, but I can’t help him in the ways he needs and I feel so hurt and angry and broken over it all I don’t want to look at him or talk to him.
Does anyone have any useful advice on a situation like this?
I feel like the social worker has lost her marbles? Or have I? My head and heart are f*cked tbh.

How do you know he isn’t suicidal? Have you asked me? He has many issues and has done for a long time, the help I’ve been getting him is not enough.

I'm not referring to young people with suicidal ideation. I'm talking about the small number of young people who will take every opportunity they get to actively try to die unless they are supervised at all times. I'm just trying to manage your expectations. Lots of teenagers have suicidal ideation. The PP was talking about an extremely high cost bespoke placement and I'm telling you that will absolutely not be provided for your DS.

You know what’s even more jarring? The people on here saying it’s my fault and I’ve fucked him up, are the same people saying he should come home to me. How’s that work then? If I’m the reason that he beats his sister and sexually assaults 2 of his brothers then why on earth would you suggest he comes back home?
It’s mental, that the one person actually trying to get him help is getting ridiculed by people on here. Maybe I should have covered it up for him like his dad tried to do. Because he’s certainly not at home at 4:30 in the morning trying to find solutions whether impossible or not, knowing I’ve got to be up in two hours for school run and work and sports day and more calls to Ss and DSL’s. No, his dad’s solution and social services was to cover it up and chuck him in the shed. And me? I’ve fucked him up, and I came here to give myself a little pat on the back for doing so. Fuck my life.
To those of you that have bought genuine ideas and suggestions or just support thank you so much, because I’ve not spoken to my friends about any of it, no one knows what’s going on except family atm because I just don’t have the energy.

All you’ve done is come on here being absolutely vile tbh. Have you got any humanity at all?

Follow your solicitors advice nd ignore the social worker. They are clearly trying to manipulate you which is utterly shameful.

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum is coming across as I imagine the social worker involved in your case would. It is quite bizarre.

I’m protecting 3 innocent children in my home! 2 of which don’t want to leave their mum alone to even have a wee right now and 1 that’s been crying for the last few weeks that she doesn’t even want to see her dad let alone live there. I am not giving up 3 children that need me to take care of 1, when the love, care, support and everything that I’ve already put in place for hasn’t worked at all, I don’t know how to help someone that sexually abuses children whether he is my child or not, I don’t know how to help him now other than by doing what other kind people on here have suggested, whether it’s fantasy or not I can try.

I bet it’s her.. 👿

People are trying to be helpful by being realistic with you - that's not vile.
Did you come here for genuine advice or for more support to fuel your solicitors/press hound/MP letters?
If you want to help your son then you need to know what's actually available to you but it sounds like you're less interested in that than being angry at everyone else.
I know you're upset and frustrated but the solution you want sounds very unlikely - sorry OP - maybe read everything again tomorrow in the cold light of day and you'll see there's well intentioned advice here (along with a few haters but thats standard online).

He cannot live with either his mother or father because there are vulnerable children in those households that he abused. It’s a non starter. He has been removed for child protection reasons and cannot be returned.

social services have an obligation to find him an appropriate placement. They cannot simply shirk that responsibility because they cannot easily find a placement. Nor force him to be returned to the household where he abused the other children.

There has been some really helpful advice and support here which I will be looking into, if it helps fantastic if it doesn’t at least I’ve tried.
There’s being realistic and there’s being vile and some of the responses are just that.
Of course I’m angry, hurt, frustrated, exhausted and tired but I’m still here trying to find some answers. I’m done with the BS and the vile comments, it doesn’t take much to show a bit of kindness when someone is struggling.

@TheGreenBee this is pretty much way beyond "unimaginable". can you maybe contcat (your local) nspcc ask for advice/support? //signposted towrds it?or
maybe approach victim support ask?

Because she has children in her home that he abused that she has to protect. She has already explained this.

The social workers need to do their job and find him a suitable placement. Threatening op with neglect etc because she won’t put her other children in danger is not acceptable.

So sorry for all this Greenbee. It’s an awful situation to be in

Did you come here for genuine advice or for more support to fuel your solicitors/press hound/MP letters?

What on earth? These were suggestions made to me, how have I come here to fuel something I didn’t even mention in my post? Acknowledgment of others ideas doesn’t make them my own. I contacted my solicitor after being threatened numerous times by the SS yes but that is all.

God give me strength.

This has been added to my list of things to do asap! A few have mentioned it and I think it’ll be worth speaking to NSPCC and a few others that have been mentioned

Thank you 🙏🏼

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Yes, sadly I think you're right. But, clearly the shed option is an appalling and ludicrous plan, and abusive in its self to the young person, who is indeed a child in need regardless of his sexual offending.
In OPs shoes here, I'd be arguing that this is the only realistic plan that meets his needs, and that it would enable the necessary risk assessments and therapeutic interventions to take place at the same time. I'd be stressing his MH issues as well.
Social services need to come up with a better plan if they won't/ can't pay for care as above.As a very last resort, and speaking now as a parent, I'd consider going to the press if they insisted that living in a shed was a viable option in these circumstances.

I'd also contact other organisations like NSPPC and Barnardo's to see what advice and specialist knowledge they could offer.

This poster is not being vile in this post, this poster is giving you important information. You might not like it, but don't shoot the messenger.

The thing is, is is adequately housed, with his mother, and the other children in the household have a father they can stay with, so they don't have to find him anything else.

He also has a shed, and that is obviously a viable option, it is big enough for a bed, and plenty of young teens live like this, perfectly happily. Given that one of the ways I have seen SS house (genuinely) homeless teens is in shared caravans on holiday sites, I really don't think SS are going to think this is inadequate, or worse than anything they can offer.

But what I keep coming back to, is this is a mess of his own making. He chose to be a child abuser and a sex offender. There is no way back from that. I also very much doubt it is only the two children you are aware of.

I’m not going to argue with you about what they have or haven’t said, some of the comments have been vile imo and unnecessary.

No they don’t have a father they can live with? There’s a court order that the children live with me and secondly they don’t want to leave me, they need me.

Yes he has a shed. In the garden, where one of the boys he’s abused has to see him every day. Which is not okay. Nor is it going to help his mental health - it will make it worse.

well, social service say the can, so what they want doesn't really come into it, as far as they are concerned, he has adequate housing, so they don't need to do anything

They can’t overrule a court order