Got judged in a shop

[Cobweb121]

Hey there. I was at a local supermarket today and my 3-year-old son was with me. I never like taking him shopping as he doesn’t listen and has lots of energy and can be quite unruly. It’s just usually more trouble than its worth.
Anyway, he went running to the end of an aisle and I shouted his name, maybe rather loudly as I was worried about him going out of my sight. Another woman was passing with her maybe 4/5-year-old sitting perfectly behaved in the trolley. Her child became startled by me calling his name, and she said to her daughter ‘I would NEVER shout at you like that’, with a really smug expression. I was a bit taken aback as I was just calling his name, not aggressively.
I have been under a lot of stress lately and my nervous system needs a break, but I didn’t think anything I did was wrong? It got me thinking, do I not talk to him in the correct manner? I don’t know. I called him about 4 times first before shouting his name. He really just doesn’t listen. It left me feeling like rubbish tbh and I’m here ruminating about it.

Ignore ignore ignore. Don’t give it anymore brain space. Ur fine. They are a smug arse ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Even my very well behaved son did things like this.

All the things people say they would NEVER do….. usually is bollocks. My best friend very publicly used to wax lyrical about how when she had children they would never eat frozen food, ever, just nutritious hand cooked food. We tried not to laugh when her toddler refused to eat anything other than custard creams for a few months!

It is fine to raise your voice if there is a safety concern and you need to get a child’s attentions you did nothing wrong.

If he runs off then you need a parent strap/harness to ensure that he cant run off
Why is he unruly?

Kids are different to each other. My sister has Perfect Kid. Sits in a cafe, eats his food. Never budges. Would never run away. Mine’s Wild Kid. Has never sat down anywhere, must talk to everyone in the room & a supermarket is like a fun game for him. Boundaries… Yup! My sister & BIL judge us harshly.

My normally well behaved 2 year old decided to run ( whilst shrieking) through the aisles of a grocery store as I ran behind him trying to catch him , whilst wheeling his pram and dodging strangers. At some point I was terrified I would actually lose him in the store. So I feel your pain and that smug woman can shut up and mind her own business.

Get some reins and do a parenting class.

Ha ha. I remember all my grand ideas and my little one just put it all to ruin🤣

Shouting in that instance is fine, if you don’t shout then he can’t hear you.

Pay no attention to the other woman.

You need to use reins or keep him in the buggy. You know he doesn’t listen.

If he isn’t listening the first 4 times, bellowing isn’t going to help. You need a different approach.

Basically, he hasn’t turned his ears on, he’s too focused of whatever is interesting him. Touching him when you speak to him
might help, or ensuring you make eye contact can possibly help. In a supermarket, sitting in the trolley or having reins might be more appropriate.

Don’t fret about what happened today. It’s over and there’s nothing to be gained ruminating on it. Think about what to try tomorrow.

How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen And How To Listen So Your Kids Will Talk might be useful. I definitely found it so.

No judgement but why not make life easier with reins?

The amount of children running around is horrendous because they nearly get hit with trollies/ baskets etc. Not sure why the new normal is letting kids run around like a playground.

See I think that’s wrong. Your method says only perfection is acceptable. That’s damaging as well.

And perhaps you’ll come back with caveats but that’s wasn’t your original message.

He can hear you so he knows you’re there maybe just say you’re leaving the store and he’ll come back.

If only supermarkets had anticipated speedy toddlers and had invented secure child seats on trollies……..

One of my dc was like this, she's 16 now and delightful, but those years were tough.

Reins were my friend, as was putting her in the trolley with a sticker book if I had to go to the shops, but mostly I shopped online.

I had many comments about what people would and wouldn't do (usually about the reins) but they parented the child they had, whereas I parented the child I had.

Just ignore others who are just going to make you feel like shit, but do come up with some effective strategies when you're out.

Honestly put it to.the back of your mind her opinion and snarkiness doesn't matter.

I do think it would benefit you if he hadb reins and sat in the trolley until he learns to listen.

The woman was rude.

However, he's 3 and 'really doesn't listen' - he was FAR too far away from you.

Would you have caught him it he ran for the door? Could you have stopped him picking up something breakable from a shelf? Probably not and with a 3 year old that's dangerous.

Plonk him in the trolley or keep him on reins.

Do they have seats that fit over 15kg? Because ours don’t and kids of the age of the OP often don’t fit in those trolley seats.

If he runs off and doesn't listen, put him in the trolley or on reins. Shouting doesn't help which you obviously know because you are posting here.

Parents aren't smug because their children are well behaved, they are rightly proud and worked hard to teach them. Until I could trust mine I used a double buggy.

Honestly, ignore it. You’ll have years of other some parents judging you - it makes them feel better about themselves. Try and tune them out and remember, those children don’t always grow up to be the teens and adults these parents think they’ll end up with.

No. There are smug parents of biddable children. Same as all the parents that think their child sleeps/eats/sits because they are amazing. Often these parents tried the thing the other parent also tried, it just worked.

My friend's DH was the smug smuggo to me. His first was an angel. You'd put her down and there she would sit. My DD was a Tasmanian Devil. His wife knew I worked twice as hard as her. He assumed it was his excellent parenting (of which he did very little). Then they had their third, who screamed from the second she was born until she was 3. He did admit he had no skills and I was a genius.

OP reins saved my life. And parenting classes.

My DD at 5 still fits into those trollies.

She is too heavy but they have clearly been tested probably with bags of soil due to what I've seen people put in those trolley seats over the years.

It’s easy for people to judge who have an easy going child. I have tried every method going over the years and mine will still run off and not listen. I used a double buggy until child was 5. Reins didn’t work.
Now I just avoid many places whilst still trying to teach the basics!

Whatever the rights and wrongs of what you did, just think how awful it will be for the other child growing up with a nasty, smug mum like that? What sort of person criticises another woman to a 4 year old? Weird.