He wants our daughter every other day (50/50) custody

[Caw2024]

I'm 28 female, I have a 5 month old baby girl
Ex partner (babys father) is 29

Long story short we split about 2-3 months ago. Co parenting has been a night mare with him

We are starting to get in a little bit of a better place with it but no where near perfect.

He has made it clear and expects to have our baby every other day.. which I don't think is fair considering he was the one that decided he would be the one to carry on working while I stopped working to be full time mum

The reason I don't think this is fair is because on my days where he is not having baby, I spend my time doing all of our washing, clothes, Bedding, blankets, bibs etc, clean the house (babys toys everywhere) I'm also the one that does the nappy runs, the wet wipes run, milk run, im back and for the shops most days, all the health visitor or doctor appointments, I wash and Sterilise all her bottles.

Basically when he picks baby up on HIS days I hand her over with a bag full of nappys wipes clean clothes (that I've washed and dried) clean blankets, clean bottles etc. I feel like I'm just here to be a robot and do all the dirty work!

Personally I think he should have 2 days a week. I'm getting really annoyed now that my time with the baby is spent doing all the chores

Also I don't drive so rely alot on having the baby in the pram to carry all my shopping home

He's really irritating me and deep down I know he doesn't even want his daughter for time with her it's just to see me, be nosey about what's going on in my life, and probably make my life harder (I know this for a fact as he is still not over me yet)

Argh what do I do. Am I wrong to feel like this. Am I being the unreasonable one

What would u guys do or suggest

I disagree re chores - he is giving her chores by bringing back and empty nappy bag and dirty clothes and bottles. He needs to do those chores and clean his own equipment.
He should also be willing to take bags of baby laundry for op sometimes as she is exhausted being up at night with baby and he isn't she should be able to sleep and rest when baby is with him.

Diddums

Either he's as thick as mince or he's playing you - and you're letting him.

Stop pissing around and get a solicitor and start talking 'grown up'. You may not even have to have this decided in court, but he needs to see exactly what's expected of him.

Why is is hard for boys? Because the men that leave women and babies don't have full control over them?

Having read all your posts @Caw2024 I had to go back and check how old you both are because you are behaving like a pair of 15 year olds . This carry on is ridiculous , you need to get a court ordered visitation schedule in place , CMS for maintenance and then find a child minder or nursery and get back to work . He is messing you about but that is because you are allowing him to do so .

This.

Even without going to court, you can stand up to this jerk and show him you are not to be messed with.

Tell him every other day doesn't work for you at all, and here is the alternative - then tell him what days and nights suit you.

Tell him you expect him to provide all the clothes and equipment (bottles, steriliser, milk, toys, cot, mattress, blankets, buggy, pack & play, car seat, whatever) that she needs while she's with him. You will not be sending anything of yours.

Do not budge. He can take you to court if he wants to - he will be laughed at there if he thinks his demands on you are reasonable.

A baby of this age should have a primary caregiver, in this case you.

Please don't split 50/50 at 5 months old.

Stop playing his game. Go through CMS for maintenance, and let him take you to court for access. at her age she should be with you most of the time.

My ex used to demand I send DC with everything required to look after a baby. I simply said no and he had to buy own supplies of wipes, nappies, spare clothes etc. The arrangement doesn't sound in baby's best interest - you need to communicate, propose a schedule that is less disruptive eg 3 days each or set days if accommodating work rotas. If he refuses and messes around let him take you to court. I did and visits are much more consistent now they are court ordered.

Oh and also go to CMS so your maintenance is paid every week. By not involving CMS and courts you are letting him think he can do as he likes. Nothing stopping you getting a job either - if you are entitled to UC they will pay up to 85% childcare don't wait around letting his games rule your life.

He has to buy his own nappies, some clothes, whatever she needs. You need to agree a schedule and stick to it, but not one that involves dropping your daughter back whenever he feels like it, and definitely not having her every other day as that's massively unsettling.
What happened to the job you said you gave up? Didn't you take maternity leave and therefore still have it to go back to?

Take him to court. For a start, a few hours every other day is not 50/50. Secondly 50/50 for a baby that little is a bad idea. Thirdly do a proper 50/50 where he provides half the stuff (ie everything she needs at his house) and actually has her 50% of the time, one week on one week off for example.

How can either of you be expected to provide financially if you’re looking after a baby every other day?

Every other day sounds like a nightmare - need to be with each parent for longer stretches or it's just confusing.

He needs to provide what she needs when she's with him. You send her with nothing when he takes her, end of.

Don't hand her over anymore. See a solicitor and go to court.

No judge will ever agree to every other day, for a baby or older child.

You are stressed out because this setup is ridiculous. It suits him, does not suit you and I would argue is quite damaging for such a small baby.

You need to get tough OP.

I’m confused, you said 50:50 but if he’s only having her for a couple of hours every other day and no overnights then that’s nowhere near 50:50?
Anyway tell him he’s responsible for providing her stuff when she’s with him. You’re allowing this arrangement to happen. Put an end to it.

I was in this position and he needs to.provide wipes, nappies,, blankets etc . If he can keep some clothes at his then he can wash them. How can he have her every other day if working? Is it just a few hours?

Ps I think we did a few half days a week at that point. Baby needs to mostly be with primary cater until older.

I never do searches on posters as I can’t really be bothered and it’s a bit unfair. But I have just done one for this poster because I wanted to read the other thread a pp mentioned. Turns out there’s more than one post.

OP, grow the fuck up. Sort your life out and start being the mother your little girl needs you to be. The fact that you let him within a million miles of your daughter knowing that he’s smoking weed while he has her, and that he has got one of his weed smoking mates to give them a lift back over to your home, is fucking insane to me.

It’s sad so many people on here saying hi to court without even trying to sort this out. As a single parent and someone with divorced parents this should be the last resort.

Stop sending things for his days just hand over your child. If its 50/50 u shouldn't be supplying. Even if it wasn't I still would do it its his responsibility. Also as the child is getting older I would worry about the constant change every other day it would be better for their emotional and mental health to have say 3 days then 4 days then the following week can be 4 days, 3 days so it works out even its very confusing for kids

you dont send her you tell hhim when and if he doesnt like it he an take it to court

But What sort of mother will you be if you are angry and full of resentment?

you need to be happy and with a life.

mu ex would have let me do everything like this. He used to come into the house and steal things so he didn’t have to buy them . But I just didn’t do it, didn’t play ball…He eventually got his act together… well he just got a girlfriend and got her to do it … but at least I wasn’t doing it.

he is the dad. Let him be responsible.

Tehim to take you to court.

Stop handing over clean clothes, nappies, formula etc. why are you giving him all that? You’re being a mug, stop!

Get the court and the CMS involved, formalise agreements, and live your life without being subjected to his whims.

He can't have 50/50 custody of a child so young, it would be viewed as detrimental to the wellbeing of the child. And he can't demand to see her every other day for as long as he fancies while you do all the scut work.

Or rather, he can demand it, but he'd be out of luck.

The rules are when baby is with him. He provides all baby food and equipment including nappies and wipes. He does baby's washing on days he has baby too. He is the parent not a child sitter. Make him parent his child.