How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Only chat to him once calm. Then help him reflect, ask him how he would feel if someone he loved told him to be run over or abandoned. Then how do you think granny felt when you said these things to her? What do you think you should do to make things right? What will you do next time you’re cross about something and feel let down? Talk to you, help find a solution, make a compromise.

These situations are all about learning to reflect and finding solutions

My 5 year old told me he hated me and wanted to change families, he was dead serious in that moment too. It was because I cut his fish fingers up incorrectly.

Just explain it’s dangerous to run off and unkind to be rude but that you understand why he was upset.

Promising an ice cream then withdrawing it last minute is probably the cruelest thing a 5 year old can imagine. No wonder he was furious.

If he wasn’t allowed the ice cream why were they in the shop?

To rub salt in the wound?

I’m just wondering if there’s more to this story that granny isn’t telling. Why didn’t they leave the park in time to get the ice cream? And why go to the shop?

Fair point.

Oh come on this sort of thing happens all the time, acting like it’s a complex mystery that needs solving is ridiculous. Sometimes you lose track of time, easily done

The responses on here are batshit! Promising an ice cream to a five year old and then changing your mind is never a good idea, but that doesn't mean a child can say horrible things to grandparents, run off or shout at random adults. I would definitely be having a stern word at the very least. As someone up thread pointed out sometimes plans have to change and dealing with that disappointment and annoyance is part of life.

Also for context I have two five year olds so am very familiar with that age group!

Can’t believe someone reported @TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband ‘s post. It was a bloody joke.

It was probably the ops mum.

Lmao at the gentle parenting suggestions.

Discipline the child before you raise a brat. 5 is old enough to learn to you don't speak horribly to people just because things haven't gone your way.

Really let down 🙄 goodness me

It's too late to discipline him for it now!

I would just let him know that you were disappointed to hear he had been rude and upset granny, and leave it at that.

Sounds like he was tired, hungry, and excited for an ice cream which was then withdrawn unexpectedly at the last moment. Five year olds aren't normally very good at telling the time so even if it seemed logical it was too late to an adult, it probably wasn't obvious to him. If I had been the adult in that situation I probably would have said ah - oh dear it is a bit late for ice cream, but let's get some to take home to have after dinner. (Or get some other small treat instead which won't melt, if it was too far to walk).

Or TBH I probably would have just let them have the ice cream, if there wasn't another reason to say no, but then had it as a sort of reverse order pudding so would not have given another pudding after dinner.

Good grief, the grandma/nanny didn't deliberately set out to break a promise, they stayed too long in the park and she probably didn't want to ruin his dinner.

I think people are being a bit harsh on her, no wonder some people don't want to look after their GC

Poor kid deserves an apology from his grandmother, his feelings validated, and a replacement ice cream. Then ask him to reflect on his hurtful words. If you want him to be kind and empathetic then you need to model that for him, by leading by example and recognising his hurt. Not by discipline and consequences.

Disciplining a child for being upset when a trusted family member let him down is not the answer here. You should be angry with your mother, not your child.

I think it is quite concerning for a child of 5 to run away from their caregiver because of a disagreement over an ice cream in a shop. The bad word/name calling stuff not so much, I'd equally have been very upset if either of mine had said similar and there would be words and sanctions.

But running away... I'd want to get to the bottom of that and I have kids who are neurodiverse so have seen all sorts of meltdowns.

I do think the characterisation of granny as an evil promise-breaker who will undermine your boy's concept of trust and kindness is absolutely ludicrous. Shit happens and plans change. She was not promising a stable family home forever more and in the next breath relinquishing him to an orphanage. A sense of proportion is important here.

It's never too early to teach kids about proportionate responses. If you never expect just a little bit more of kids than they can currently do or cope with, how do they learn stuff from older, wiser adults,? Surely that's the whole basis of teaching? We don't just... wait for kids to mature of their own accord. They need to see and learn about social behaviour abd expectations from others, including parents.

Gosh the drama. She didn’t leave him in the middle of the desert, she didn’t have time to buy him an ice cream

‘badly let down’
‘be angry with your mother’

With this level of exaggeration I’m surprised you’re not all on the stage

Oh come on. My four year old nephew told me today ‘I don’t like you Auntie Pp’. I said ‘that’s not nice to say’ and he said ‘well you were shouting at me’. I wasn’t - I’d told him not to swing back in his chair in case he hurt himself and got annoyed when he refused to listen. They’re kids, they don’t understand what they’re saying.

Your son understands that being hit by a car is a bad thing because adults have told him if he isn’t sensible around roads he’ll be hit by a car. So when he’s upset at a broken promise when he’s done nothing wrong he’s fired off something he knows is a bad thing to happen to someone. He’s a small child working out how to express ‘I think it’s deeply unfair I’m being denied an ice cream when I’ve been promised one and am now unset and hurt’. Many adults would go for the jugular when something they’d been looking forward to was cancelled by someone because that person had lost track of time - if that person was a parent, sibling or partner.

Incidentally, does anyone else now really want an ice cream? And I don't have any in, grrrr.

How do you know it is repeated?

Granny is totally in the wrong here and caused this behaviour.

Eh? What’s your point?

Some of the responses are a bit OTT - "replacing" the ice cream is not really necessary, just let everyone move on from the interaction, don't drag it out to the next day. You will all laugh at it when he's 16.

Children will learn to handle disappointment without being rescued from it. If I could recover it right in the moment (e.g. taking an ice cream home) especially if the fault is mine, then I would but I wouldn't go on grovelling and fixing it later. Not for an ice cream and especially when the interaction had turned so sour. I also don't think there's any sense in punishing either though. Just draw a line under it, say yeah not the best afternoon, never mind, and move on.

My 5yo is upset today, because he has a terrible cough and he will probably miss his best friend's birthday party that he is really excited about. I told him that if he does miss the party, we can take the friend to soft play on another day. That to me is a reasonable situation to "fix". A party doesn't happen every day, being ill is bad luck and he is really excited about it.

OTOH because he's a bit poorly, he got upset that his brother came home from nursery having been given a small bag with a toothbrush and toothpaste sample in it (apparently they had a visit from a dentist today) but he did not have one. I offered that he could look in our bathroom cabinet for a new toothbrush (not the same apparently) and we will check tomorrow if there is a bag for him at nursery (he does also go there) - but we aren't going to go out and buy him a new toothbrush when he already has one if it turns out that they were only given to children who were present. He was upset because he was feeling poorly and he experienced a slight disappointment which pushed him over the edge - I have sympathy because that's a horrible feeling, but it's not the end of the world, and I know that he will get over it and be fine.

A child of 5 throws an epic tantrum and tells his Nan that he hopes she gets hit by car and people think he should be given hot chocolate.
Am I missing something.
I can just imagine you with your child’s Teacher. Don’t tell my Johnny off he can do whatever he likes. No wonder the worlds in the very sorry state it’s in and wonder Teachers are leaving in their droves but that’s another story.
All that said though I do fully agree that the Nan was also in the wrong. You don’t promises you can’t keep and certainly not to a child.