How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

It can be quite shocking when your dc says something awful like that, but as others have said, it’s his big feelings coming out.

I expect you’ve all learnt a lesson from this. His is to deal with disappointment and upset in a better way and your mums is to stick to her word, especially when ice-creams are involved!

Absolutely, I'm no gentle parenting advocate either but my takeaway from the initial post is that this 5 year old boy was promised an ice cream and then that got taken away from him - so no wonder all hell broke loose.

I'd have given him the ice-cream tbh and so what if he he had a bit less of his tea later - not the end of the world is it if it's a rarity?

You have to see things from their p.o.v. sometimes, seemed a needless meltdown.

I knew someone would come on to say that he should have been given a smack. Depressing that people still think it’s ok to advocate hitting a small child.

This - your mum messed up big time!!

You do not promise kids things that you can’t keep. She should have kept an eye on the clock and told him when they needed to leave to get an ice cream. He’s five, for pity’s sake.

I'm sure your son is every bit as bright and emotionally adept as you feel he is, but he is a five year old child who has been in school all day holding it together looking forward to an ice cream promised by Gran, who then changed her mind.

Of course he lost it, what would you expect any five year old to do under the same circumstances? What he said was the very worst thing he could think of in order to convey the depth of his upset. Not what he actually wants to happen. Think about it. It's fair enough. He was letting her know how upset he was with her, with very good reason.

What should you be doing in terms of teaching consequences? I'd be teaching your mum not to make promises to small children involving ice cream that she's not going to keep. That and a load of understanding towards DS should do the trick.

To add, to feel unbelivably cross, shocked and upset with him about this makes me feel that you may have some fairly high and unreasonable expectations of him possibly? I'm not sure this is shock territory is it? Just a thought. You can be bright, emotionally adept and really fucking pissed off, and that is what was going on here, good on him I say!

Whilst having a chat with your son it might be worth asking where he gets stuff like
hope she’s abandoned by her family
hope she gets run over by a car

I think promising a 5 year old an ice-cream and then going back on your word is really mean!

It’s still mean, even if he’s 5.5 😳.

Agree

@Notamum12345577 it’s not a good way to go

He might have been actually scared that he was going to get run over - because he was aware of being out of control and running off, and someone running after him. That whole episode will have been terrifying for him. And so he said the worst thing he could think of, which was the thing he was scared of.

Kids do stuff like that (say things that are really about something else) all the time.

Grow up

I’m sure he does understand why he wasn’t allowed an ice cream, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was colossally disappointed and angry about it.

And of course he knows he said horrible things - that’s exactly why he said them. He was furiously angry so he shouted the worst things he could think of to express that anger. Because he’s five years old.

It really doesn’t matter how bright he is or how capable he is of critical thinking, because this is about his emotions, not his intelligence or his logic. He could be the brightest child in the world, it doesn’t matter - because all that ‘critical thinking’ goes out of the window when a small child (or an adult for that matter) completely loses their temper.

Obviously you need a serious chat with him about his outburst now that it’s over, and perhaps he could draw a little apology card for your mum. But I also think if you promise a five-year-old a treat and then let them down, you can’t expect a calm and rational response because a five year old doesn’t have the emotional regulation that an adult does.

Why on earth would you think it was odd for a school-age child to understand those concepts?! Kids learn about road safety so they are fully aware that people get run over, and it doesn’t take a wild imagination to imagine abandonment. Kids’ books are full of abandoned kids and absent parents!

DS2 is almost 5 and prone to an occasional dramatic meltdown but capable on other occasions of listening quite sensibly and accepting disappointment in a quite matter-of-fact way.

Two examples:

1. In February. Me 'I know I said we could go to the park but it's raining now and getting dark because you went to granny's on the way home from school to have some cake. So we'll have to go tomorrow'.

DS2 'OK.'

    2.Last week. Me 'No one is having sweets tonight because it's bath             time. So you need to get undressed ready for your bath and then             it'll be time for your story.'
        DS2 - meltdown- 'No Mummy! No! It's not fair. I want some             sweeties...blah, blah, blah....... You're mean. I'm going to put you in             the cellar and lock the door.' Rolls on floor wailing and 'sobbing'. 
        DS1 (9) 'We haven't got a cellar anymore. It got turned into the guest                         room. It's nice down there- got an ensuite and a kitchen bit.'
        DS2 'Well I'm sending you to live in........the utility room. Then you'll             be sad. That's what happens when you're mean, you end up living in             a utility room. And I'm telling Daddy on you.'
        Me 'Ok. Did you know our house didn't used to have a utility room?              Before Daddy and I moved here it was just a tiny space at the back of                            the garage and the people who owned the house got a builder to              come and he built the utility room and the laundry and the bit I use                          to do painting in. That was when we lived in our old house, you                           know the one you pass on your way to school?'
         DS2 'The one near where Lucas lives?' Sits up.
         Me 'Yes- I think it's next door to his house isn't it?' Not looking at              him.
         DS1 'It's 3 doors down from Lucas.'
         DS2 'No it's not, it's next door to Lucas, isn't it Mummy.' Stands up.              Sweets forgotten.

Agree that it's not your 5 year old to blame here. Your mum needed it as a lesson to understand the consequences of her actions. At her age, she should know to keep promises, or not make promises she doesn't intend to keep in the first place.

I doubt she ever intended to buy ice cream and it was just a ploy all along, hoping he'd forget by the time they left the park.

Taking him to the shop afterward was just rubbing salt in the wound, of course it escalated the behaviour.

I'd buy him two ice creams and send her a picture.

Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel, Rapunzel...

And being run over by a car is something we warn children about. We instruct them not to run off and not to run into the street "in case you get run over by a car".

He isn't getting his ideas from watching slasher movies, if that's what you're suggesting.

I'd probably react the same if someone promised me an ice cream and then went back on it tbf

I’d still want to ask my kids if they said those comments.
At 5yrs we didnt have books about abandonment and certainly weren’t reading that subject area to our kids.
Id want to know where it’s come from as I’d find my kids saying those things a concern even when very upset.

Honestly, if I'd had a rotten day at work and DP said he'd pick me up and take me for dinner at my favourite place, I was starving hungry and totally frazzled and gagging for a G+T, my shoes were a bit tight, and it was hot and really stuffy in the office and it smelled like farts and packed lunches, and there were thirty of us all crammed in and I didn't understand what was going on most of the day, and we went to the restaurant and then DP said Oh, sorry love we have run out of time, we need to go home now?

I would be pissed off. He was pissed off. He's human. I would deal with it like a middle aged woman. He dealt with it like a five year old. That's all there is, give him a break because it's going to be very lonely up on that pedestal for him at some point.

To add, to feel unbelivably cross, shocked and upset with him about this makes me feel that you may have some fairly high and unreasonable expectations of him possibly?

And what is worse is that OP was going to ‘discipline’ the poor boy for his ‘horrific’ behaviour had she not listened to sensible posters on here. Boy gets excited about getting a delicious treat after school and looks forwards to his ice cream but it turns out Granny lied and said he couldn’t have it after all and then on top of that Mummy disciplines him - that’s the kind of injustice you remember years later when you’re an adult, right there 😢

This.

even as an adult If I’ve been saving a chocolate bar as a treat and some bugger finds it and it’s gone when I go to savour it, I will throw a tantrum bigger than any 5 year old. Probably involving tears, statements that I hate everyone and hate the world included.

what harm would it have done letting him have the ice cream and putting dinner back half an hour?

Don't promise something to a 5 year old and then refuse to give it.

The run over issue yes. Translating it to wishing someone gets run over….mmmmm.
Not all kids know of Cinderella, Hansel and Gretal and Rapunzal. We didn’t read our boys those fairy tales….more Winnie the witch, a dog who can dig, the tiger comes to tea, louds of mystery books, Harry Potter
Did my kids dwell on Harry being an orphan…..no…..would they wish it on someone in anger……no.
So I would ask why they said what they said and if they’d heard anyone else say those things. Sometimes nasty stuff goes around the playground…it would be worth finding out.

Id like to know.

😂🤣😆

What shitty flaky arse parenting.

You'll raise your kids to be entitled brats who aren't popular.