How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Haha. I had a Morrisons delivery today with a tub of Haagen Dazs in it. This thread is just making me want to open it.

Can you say a little bit more about how a week long screen and tv ban is applicable in this situation, using your best up to date knowledge of child development?

Unless you're taking the piss.

I get the feeling there are some people on this thread who are not actually parents, but they once saw a documentary on serial killers.

Agreed. Ahhh that well known method of dealing with small children displaying sociopathic behaviours... pulling them up, being very VERY firm and punishing them. Textbook, works every time.

Not got a clue.

Yes I do get that. As I said, personally I would have thought keeping the promise had more value than spoiling his dinner.

But his reaction was OTT. It’s not ( to me) totally shocking in a five year old ( just!); but in a 7 year or 8 year old it would be and he has to learn now that your words impact on others and can hurt.

Really? Because I have very distinct memories of saying to one of mine who was inclined to run ahead:” I want you to keep hold of the pram handle as we cross this road.” And after thd inevitable why: ” It’s really important not to rush out: we don’t want you being run over by a car.” So while my dc happened not to say it to anyone, I’m sure “ being 🏃‍♂️ over by a car” loomed large as at the top of the list of scary things. No therapy has been needed …

And abandonment is a natural childhood fear. Even puppies have it which is why they whine when you leave the room. It’s nature’s way of keeping little ones close to safety until they are old enough. Look at all the fairy tales of harm coming to abandoned children: Red riding hood on her own in the woods, Hansel and Gretel, Cinderella. How many children’s bookd start with disposing of the parents: Oliver, Secret Garden, Little Lord Fauntleroy. It’s a deep seated concern that speaks to children. In that slightly older context it creates a literary clean slate where” anything could happen.” I think we have a more adult concept that has overtones of NC, dysfunction etc.

Why does everything have to come back to MEN on here? He is a 5 year old LITTLE BOY.
And if we’re going down the route of teaching little boys stuff before they grow into men then what he’s been taught here is that some women lie and let you down, especially those closest to you, who you love and trust. Is that what you want this little boy growing up believing?

Granny should’ve managed her time better, if she didn’t realise the time then she could’ve got him an ice cream anyway (she went in the bloody shop!!) - “sorry he didn’t eat his dinner mum, because I promised him an ice cream and I don’t break my promises” or as she’s a GM and presumably experienced with children she could’ve diffused the whole situation by saying something like “ahh it’s so close to dinner now, let’s get some sweets/choc/whatever treat to eat after dinner instead”.

I’m also not sure that sociopathic tendencies can be “ punished” out of someone .

The glaring thing to me is neither you of recognise that he is 5!

Lose track of time and not have time for ice cream before dinner fine. Ok, it happens. Take said child into a show with ice cream, deny child ice cream and vilify him for being emotive

My daughter is not quite 4 and I often have to disappoint her with food. I never know if there will be safe treats for her to have due to food allergies. If I have to disappoint her I walk her through her emotions. I explain it's ok to be upset and angry. I'm sorry and I understand she's mad at me then deflect deflect deflect. I talk about then dinner she could have, would she like her favourite food, could we buy that at the shop instead. Didn't you have a lovely time at the park. I wouldn't expect a 5 year old to have to emotional intelligence to talk himself down. It feels like the end of the world and he need and care giver to understand and make him see with compassion that the world hadn't ended and even without ice cream the day can end on a high.
Some times she has a strop, she needs to be kept safe then when it has stopped we find somewhere quiet to have a sit and a chat about the impact of her words and actions. Blowing up and fighting emotive words with emotive words doesn't teach a child that blowing up and using emotive language is wrong.

For me this absolutely is a teaching moment for all of you and not a discipline moment. He should have been guided through his emotions in the run up to finding out that ice cream wasn't going to happen and he should have been walked through why his words were hurtful and upsetting.

As a 5yo my sister tried to saw a little boy's hand off. 5 yos have no concept of forever. It is our responsibility to teach them forever

I completely agree with this post (😳 to the hand sawing!)

He needs to be pulled up for the way he reacted but talking through a better response and helping him formulate an apology for granny is far more productive ( in the long run) than fighting fire with fire. Mum could even write it in a card for him if his writing isn’t there yet.

A few posters have said being gentle with him over this is why we have men shouting and abusing women when they get what they want. I totally disagree. Men do that because they weren’t taught as little boys to manage their emotions properly. They had to bottle … until they grew up and could call the shots like the adults who disappointed him then punished him harshly for his response. Because that’s what grown ups get to do … or so the programming goes.

Kindness and gentleness beget kindness and gentleness. So long as bad behaviour is addressed it doesn’t have to be done aggressively - certainly not in an instance like this with such a small child.

Fuckme. Its not that hard. Or deep.

Hon, dont be using those kind of words to people ok, its mean, even if your angry ok?

Mum, in all fairness hes 5, use your noodle and dont promise him an ice cream. Just get one if you can and dont if u cant. Either way hes happy.
What with him being 5 and all.

End of this particular issue.
Until the next one
What with him being 5 and all.

Try not to make it feel like he has done a dreadful, unforgivable thing. He will feel frightened deep down. Get him working on a beautiful card covered in collage, flowers with a heartfelt apology to his Nan. This will teach him more than punishment. He could pick some flowers too. We can all remember monstrous things we did or said when little. Well I can.
Promises are ever so important.

My grandson was bright and switched on at 5. While I think it’s foolish to promise a treat and then break it, I also think the bright and switched on kids can are subject to emotional they haven’t had time to deal with properly. I’ll never forget mine shouting in the garden, after I’d told him off, “Your flowers aren’t even pretty!” 😂

Why is MN suddenly obsessed that every child is a sociopath/psychopath? Has there been a documentary or something? Is it a tiktok thing?

It's the second/third thread I've seen people do it on in response to behaviour which is perhaps somewhat immature or seems illogical to adults, but is not unheard of by any stretch of the imagination.

🤣

Armchair psychology is the new Mn hobby. You must have noticed not a thread can reach its conclusion without the eye-rollingly nauseating strings of diagnoses being dished out: narcissism/passive aggression/ sociopathy/he sounds ASD/ he’s abusive/ get checked for adhd … and on it goes.

Its your mother's fault. You need to tell her that she was wrong.

Partly true but I do feel for poor old Nan. The running off must have been awful …

No, don't feel sorry for her at all. She shouldn't make promises she can't keep especially to a 5 year old. Her Grandson could have been seriously injured or killed all over a blooming ice cream.

I think there is a problem with Nan looking after her grandson if she can’t catch him. What if the other person had not been there?

I’m more horrified by the adult breaking a promise to a 5 year old and expecting him to be disciplined for kicking off. I’d give him the promise ice cream and have a word with the nan.

Sorry but this one is on your Mum. Yes he needs to say sorry for his words but as an adult if someobody said to me "oh we will do this lovekly thing" and then "we're not doing it there's no time" I'd say well I am going to do it. I think a conversation with her a) about promising and not delivering and b) about reacting to a hangry kick off could be helpful......maybe a mutual apology would be a fair way to go forward?

Poor old Nan triggered the whole thing.

How about an apology from Nan for breaking a promise?

Yeah children have to learn about disappointment but there's enough of that in life without refusing a promised ice cream because its now too close to dinner

I'm wishing easy children and pre teens/teens to some posters on here because the way they are acting over this 5 year old would make me worry for them if I was the kind of person to actually give a shit