How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

This 😂

This

That’s a tired kid promised a lovely treat and then having it removed. He can’t regulate at that moment. Your mum was taken by surprise I imagine. In these circumstances you’ve got to lean in and start from his place of disappointment.

I've never heard of a child saying such awful things to an adult. When I was a child, kids didn't act up like that either. In those days, children were more firmly disciplined and were not allowed to think that the world revolved around them. It seemed to work much better.

Hi op!

First, it is obvious he just said what he is afraid of himself so don’t panic.

Then, what do you have in place for unkind words already? Natural consequences are the best so for example maybe asking nana IF she agrees to have him around next time as he wasn’t nice last (just for him to hear), also defo no ice cream the next time around too… don’t forget to let him know before going out “no ice cream, no cake, no tears”….I feel I keep saying that at every corner for my 4 years old LOL

And this too…

I change my answer. Natural consequences are for nana…

if you say he will have an ice cream then he needs to have an ice cream or you will be called anything he can think of.

I don’t understand this really. “ Because you were promised ice-cream last time and then didn’t get it, there’s definitely no ice-cream this time.”

Clearly I have a five year old brain because this would make me feel like saying I want to abandon you.

I'm sorry and I don't mean to be unkind here... but he's 5... and probably intelligent as you say but still early emotions are very intense. If he's as critical a thinker as you say ...but you have to ask the Internet how to respond, and you don't instinctively know its immature emotions that were at play, and therefore all it needs is a cuddle and a quick chat about how unkind the words were, but that nana was ALSO wrong...then I think you'd better ask your 5 year old the best way to handle this as he's better placed to answer than you are 😉
Seriously you are putting way more emphasis in this than you should do. Lighten up - he's only 5 and let him be a child. And you and your mum should put your emotional intelligence into action and level with a 5 year old brain, not the other way around

You must be older than me.

A girl in my class at my very strict school got overwhelmed when she ( unfairly actually) was not given the prize for the hurdle race because she clipped it but it didn’t fall. She burst out at the games Master;” it’s all because you are ….( long pause) … a dumb gorilla.”

How we all laughed !

Tell your mum that in future if she promises ice cream, she should get the ice cream, but if Junior is sick or doesn’t eat his dinner, you will be dealing with it and not blaming her.

Holiday's a bit different to an ice cream! If someone promised me an ice cream and then said "oh we've run out of time before dinner", I'd look at my watch and think "oh well I guess that's right". I wouldn't sulk or scream or make death threats. I am not 5. But neither are the people commenting on this thread that they'd have a meltdown if someone promised them an ice cream and then reneged on it.

I think a lot of you need a sense of proportion. And to teach your kids one.

I recall a lot of adults being absolutely hysterical about cancelled holidays in 2020.

Geez five year olds have no idea of death and the horror of getting run over. It's all abstract fluffy stuff to them.
Have a cuddle with him later and have a calm chat about how we don't say or think things like that., why the plan changed, etc etc

Yah…that was me. I missed the bit where she said actually it was promised. I double posted my bad 🫣

my second post will make more sense to you because I actually have all the info 👌🏼

Ah great! I can mentally reclaim my age!

Only horrific in the adult world, not in the world of a 5 year old who was promised ice cream then didn’t get it. MIL should have known better. I would never have done that to my grandchild.

PS - my 4 year old granddaughter said to her daddy ‘ If you don’t let me have a biscuit I will chop your eyes out!’

older than me too and I am 70.

no i wouldn't melt down over the icecream because I am an adult and have agency and it wouldn't happen. I'd say F that I am having icecream. A child has no control. Stuff in their life can be given and taken away, seemingly at whim by adults.

To a 5 year old, an ice cream is a big deal. Like a holiday to an adult. 🙄

I think this needs repeating:

A child has no control. Stuff in their life can be given and taken away, seemingly at whim by adults.

It is utterly imperative that the adults are reliable and consistent because children have no agency. When an adult makes a promise to a child, the adult must keep that promise. A taken icecream one day could be a taken dinner the next. The child doesn't know otherwise.

DS went fucking ballistic once aged 5 at the seaside when the toy he was promised didn't materialise because the only shop there was full of utter tat shite but I cannot imagine hi I using language like 'abandoned' and death stuff.

I hope grandma learns a lesson about broken promises but the kid needs a good chat about the power of words even at that age!

Yes, those rose-tinted spectacles are a great help.

I'm 45.5
If I'd been promised an ice cream then didn't get one I'd be pissed off.
I'd be thinking critically of the person who reneged on their promise of ice cream.

Rose tinted? You mean it wasn't unusual in my time, or I've forgotten? I know how parents and kids would have reacted to such remarks and tantrums. I speak the truth when I say I never saw anything like it and nobody I knew would have tolerated it. I wouldn't waste time commenting otherwise.

Obviously standards and expectations have changed since then. Not for the better IMHO.

I am not referring to the rights or wrongs of the broken promise.