How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Agree. Hence the ‘why are people so rude and aggressive now’ threads. It doesn’t come from nowhere.

If your mum promises an ice cream she needs to deliver. I normally handle this by only promising my child treats after dinner — 9 times out of 10 he’s too full. You and your mum should try that.

I don't see that as a bad thing though, people have their limitations and you have to manage your expectations of them.

Gosh really?
I don’t know what your childhood was like but my Nan was the one person I could totally depend upon. She never once let me down or broke a promise. She had so much time, compassion, empathy for me. She really had the time and patience to listen to me.
My parents were lovely and did too but they worked hard and I had 3 younger siblings so time was more hurried with them.
A child should know that when the world is harsh and lets you down there are some people you can rely on totally and they should be your parents and grandparents.
Maybe I was just lucky.

OP you’re massively over thinking this. He was promised an ice cream and then was told he couldn't have one so threw a strop and said something he shouldn’t. This happens daily to parents all around the world. Deal with it and move on.

Whether you think he’s a prodigy or not he’s still 5 and doesn’t have the emotional or mental capacity to truly understand what he’s said.
That’s where you as a parent come in - explain to him why what he said wasn’t ok but you understand why he was angry. That’s it. I fail to see the need for a thread regarding punishment and discipline. He’s 5 and he mouthed off in a moment of anger/tiredness/disappointment. What do you expect people to suggest here?

As I’ve said - you explain why what he said was wrong in a way appropriate for a 5 year old, he apologises for hurting his grandmothers feelings. She should apologise for breaking her promise. Hugs and it’s over.

He doesn't want his grandmother to die 🙄 5 year olds don't understand the concept of death.

He's an emotional 5 year old who was promised an ice cream that he didn't get.

Sorry but ffs it was an ice cream. Have people really never said to a child ‘yes we’ll get an ice cream later’ and then later arrives and it’s now too late or it’s tea time or something came up or the ice cream man left? It’s hardly a villain origin story. It’s ice cream. He’ll get over it!

OP, tell your mother that if she promises a child an ice cream, she needs to ensure that he gets it.

To be honest I don't know what you expect. Ice cream is like the most exciting thing in the world for kids.

I'm not surprised he had a tantrum. He's 5 and can't regulate his emotions in the same way as an adult.

This is a parenting issue, not a child issue.

He doesn’t actually want his grandmother to die. Have you never met a 5 year-old? They say all sorts of things that aren’t true.

This is all fine, but also granny needs to apologise for breaking her promise.

Well - yes, people you love and trust DO let you down. My mum let me down in many ways when I was younger but becoming a mum myself I could see that she was doing the best she could with the tools she had at the time and that's true for all people.
When such an incident is balanced out with love, reassurance, following their interests then it isn't going to teach him that people let you down. If it was a child who'd experienced multiple ACEs and was living in neglect yes, in this situation no.
Sometimes I wonder if it's a touch of projection going on. There's so much pressure to be an everything mum that we feel like if we slip up then we've failed. But think about it, your child will be absolutely fine, it's our own negative feelings of slipping up that we then project onto our children.

My Nan, in hindsight, suffered with her mental health and could be a very difficult person. I loved her but it was something I had to accept about her. She was very generous with stuff like ice cream and chocolate to be fair.

The word lied is really getting to me. This was not an intentional act. It was not a lie, Grandma had every intention of buying an ice cream until she saw the time

We don't know the reason why they were late getting to the shop, maybe grandma was having a wonderful time and didn't notice the time passing. Maybe her DGS just wanted an extra go down the slide, or an extra go on the swing, who knows, but when they got to the shop it was too late for an ice cream because of DGS dinner. So now Grandma is damned if she does or damned if she doesn't because if she gets the ice cream and DGS doesn't eat his dinner then she may be in trouble with her daughter

But most of the people on here see the scenario of nasty, wicked, evil witch grandma who deliberately says she is going to buy an ice cream with no intention of delivering. She deliberately spends too long in the park pretending she is enjoying herself with DGS and encouraging him to have extra turns on the equipment and then oh dear it' too late to buy an ice cream

SHE MADE A FUCKING MISTAKE, IT WASN'T DELIBERATE, SHE'S NOT A FUCKING ANDROID SHE'S HUMAN

And so I know if I make a similar mistake, what should she have done in the shop? Offered to buy sweets instead? I expect the DGS would still have not been happy. Buy the ice cream and DGS wouldn't have eaten is dinner

All you perfect people out there tell me what to do as I haven't seen anyone come up with a suggestion

He is perfectly entitled to be upset over a promise that wasn't kept. I would expect a 5.5 year old to kick off over that. No matter if it is close to dinner he was promised an ice cream when they left the park. They was no stipulation that if it was close to dinner that wouldn't happen at the start.

I have a very precise 6.5 year old. He would kick off over the same thing unless it was said if it was too close to dinner at the start. He would also expect warnings to if he was getting to the 'no ice cream' zone. They have no concept of time and understanding of what is too close to dinner.

And at the moment the favourite saying we have is 'I hate my family. You are so mean' when my DS doesn't get his own way. They are developing and learning what is right and what isn't. They are going to experiment with saying 'mean' things to get a reaction.

I'd calmly explain it isn't a nice thing to say. And ask how would they feel if those things did really happen. My DS backtracks quickly when out of the tantrum moment and realised what he said wasn't right and is very apologetic. They are learning their emotions and how to deal with disappointment etc.

Sorry, (and I write as a Grandma), but your mother was completely in the wrong here. If she promised an ice-cream, then she delivers. Your child’s behaviour might be seen as an over-reaction, but he’s five, for heaven’s sake. I know teenagers who would have kicked off in just the same way (and for the same reason). At five, he has no power, so he expresses his displeasure however he can. Don’t promise a child something and then fail to deliver - it’s just not fair.

I'm 30 years older than your son and if someone doesn't give me promised ice cream I'm getting the voodoo dolls out.

I agree with pp, he might be bright and switched on but his brain still isn't developed enough to cope and process his emotions as you or I do. Even at 6 it's a perfectly reasonable response for being upset about being promised something and then being let down.

I don’t disagree with the general idea, however life has unexpected turns and disappointment and it’s an important part of parenting to raise a child who can deal with it - albeit that “ spoil your dinner “ is a admittedly a crappy reason that really doesn’t cut it from a five year old’s perspective!

But I do think he needs to learn that that meltdown was inappropriate- not by punishment but I think he should apologise. Then soon he can have an ice cream treat because actually the parents DID mean to keep their word , it just wasn’t possible at that moment.

Anyone else now wanting ice-cream … at 10:32am?

Just get him to understand why he needs to say sorry to your mum.

It's normal and healthy to get angry but important to repair the bonds too. He's only enough to begin to learn why he hurt her feelings. It's important he sees forgiveness from your mum too. The 'repair' stage is a really important part of developing healthy relationships, more so than the eruption itself.

(read Philippa Perry - excellent book on tantrums, emotions, etc in both toddlers and adults!)

This. ⬆

You children have no idea what "death" really is - especially these days when characters "die" in computer games and a moment later are up and about again.

I think its important to be really firm that we do not say those things but also acknowledge that he was overcome with emotion at having been promised something that was then denied. We all have that urge to lash out and be nasty when we have been wronged (which really he was - at least on a level that feels huge to a 5 year old). If you punish him for those words you do need to make it clear you do understand his hurt in context to the situation.

Yes.

Rum 'n'Raisin for preference.

OP, it’s your mother that needs disciplining imho.

I’d be more concerned with him running out of the shop and having to be chased , than mean words to his grandmother.
My Nan would have said if you do that ever again , youll be lucky to see an icecream this side of Christmas. She’d have got me one for after dinner I must add.