How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

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My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

i must say i chuckled when i read the horrific thing he said, sorry op, from an outsider's perspective. of course he was upset.

He’s not able to think critically… he’s 5!! You may feel he can but honestly he is just a bundle of his own emotions. Granny caused this by not following through, never promise what you can’t deliver! He needs a hug not a punishment. He obviously didn’t mean it. He can apologise for his mean words tomorrow (and granny can apologise for breaking her promise!)

Old fashioned hete but at 5 years old and at school he knows that's a mean thing to say. 3 years old and they don't have the understanding but at 5 they should know that plans change and not kick off like that. He needs to apologise to his gran.
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they both need to apologise to each other
perhaps she should have bought icecream to have later, rather than now

WOW! The responses on this thread demonstrate exactly what is wrong with today's parenting and the low expectations of behaviour that we now accept from children.

I can't believe that so many people think that level of behaviour is understandable and a lesson for the grandma to learn!

Both people in this situation have had a pounding.

5yr old has been disappointed and upset enough to say mean things and run away. That will have been exhausting and distressing for him. You remember how it feels when something awful has happened, you cry or get cross and are then wiped out in an adrenaline slump? This is where he is, so hot chocolate and an early night.

Grandma had a raging boy on her hands, probably realises she could/should have seen it coming, and needed to tell her DD how it all went badly wrong.

Everyone knows it was awful, no one needs to be punished- it’s been bad enough already.

Often life provides its own punishment! It’s sort of built in!

You need discipline and maybe punishment where someone is making things better for themselves through bad behaviour. That needs nipping in the bud. Cheating, stealing, bullying, improver the perpetrator’s life at someone else’s expense so we punish it.

No one got a reward for their poor choices in icecreamgate!

Look up the concept of good enough parenting. (Not that gran is even a parent, but still.) gran made a mistake. Son experienced being let down in a loving, controlled environment. That’s life, sometimes you do stay longer at the park and miss out on ice cream because you’ve got tea at home. It’s not betrayal, it’s not awful behaviour, it’s an honest mistake that gran made because they were at the park, might I add for the benefit of the child!
I fully get that at 5 the son may struggle to cope with this in the moment and that’s fine, but the aftermath should be explaining that a mistake was made and it’s not ok to wish death upon a close person. Not validating him!
I just feel there’s a real desire here to avoid upsetting children in any way shape or form and it’s unsustainable. Look, at the end of the day the son wasn’t damaged in any long term way. He doesn’t need hot chocolate. He’s had a play in the park by an attentive caregiver and by the sounds of it a hot meal at home. He’s fine.

The repsosnes on this thread show why our schools are fucked.

I’m furious with Nan for promising him an ice cream and then not looking at the time / planning properly and punishing the child by saying it’s too late now. Awful and cruel to raise and dash a child’s hopes like that. Why would she do that?

I totally disagree.
All that has taught the child is people you love and trust let you down.
I would never have done this to any of my three. Yes there are times that they have had to face disappointment unavoidably but when the ice cream shop is open and it’s been Nan doing the time keeping that’s just shit of her and tells a real sense of the fact she understands little about the grandchild she is looking after.
He shouldn’t have used those words but I can understand why he did. For him the ice cream was a huge deal. For Nan it was extremely small and insignificant.

This.

He has no power so is saying the worst thing he can think of.

He's been taught that plans change. What some nutters on here want to teach him is that if you're verbally abusive to a woman in your life, other women will rush to you with hot chocolate and sympathy.

I think your expectations of a five year old are way too high.

For what it's worth I don't think a single episode of a promise being broken is going to scar a child for life. We all have to deal with unreliable and flaky people.

Jesus, no wonder he kicked off! Why would she take him in the shop after she broke her promise? Did she want to make sure he really understood which ice creams she was no longer going to buy him? Does she have form for this? How quickly did she run home and tell you about HIS bad behaviour? She could have bought him an ice cream for AFTER dinner ffs.

Extremely unreasonable behaviour from your mum!!!

BUT.... where has your son even heard stuff like that to repeat it. The abandoned by family thing is an extreme thing for a 5 year old to say and I'd be wondering where he's picked it up from.

Your husband promises you the holiday of your dreams.
You turn up together, to the airport bags packed fully invested. He turns to you and says ‘oh actually it’s too late now, we’re going home- the plane is there but we are just not getting on it’
Thats literally what’s happened here in a 5 year olds eyes.
He’s been let down by someone he trusted who promised him something is really wanted.
The harsh words were just a bunch of words he’s heard from somewhere. he wouldn’t at 5 fully understand the implications of what he is saying, he’s just really hurt. No he can’t run off so needs to be told that.
Honestly some people have no compassion or understanding of young children

Sorry but I think your mum screwed up massively here, and could easily have avoided this situation.

At that age DS was absolutely on the edge at school pick up time, he would be very tired and full on hangry. Promising him an ice cream and then not letting him have one would have been asking for trouble.

Good parenting is about foreseeing trouble and taking steps to avoid them, just as important as discipline.

He needs to have a talking to and told to say sorry, absolutely, but really your mum is supposed to be the grown up.

No, but what he will have leaned today is not to trust Nan when she promises anything. What she says froM now on will hold slightly less weight than it did before.

I think this captures my thoughts. It’s really important children learn to deal with disappointment so you do need to speak to him about the way he handled it.

That said, “ too close to dinner” might sound a good reason to us, but to a five year old who has been told ( promised?) he is getting an once-cream, it’s just arbitrary tyranny. At that age I would expect a dc to understand ( and handle appropriately/ not kick up) if his grandmother hurt herself and needed to get home quickly, or even maybe ( for a mature five year old) the shop had shut. But too close to dinner sounds like unjustified backtracking by the People in Power to someone that age.

That said, his response was OTT and dangerous, and his words to his grandmother were unkind.

I think I’d explain two things: sometimes life doesn’t go to plan and name the feeling he had, which was bog standard disappointment; and when it doesn’t, it is ok to feel disappointed but we have to find ways of feeling it without risking hurting ourselves or others. He hurt his grandmother with his words and could have been hurt running off.

I’d then try to get him to give a proper apology to his grandmother, saying he was disappointed but he knows now that wasn’t the correct response.

Then ( controversially) I’d create a new opportunity very soon to get an ice-cream! The reason I say that is not to reward the behaviour but rather to demonstrate that the adults around him do try to stick to what they represented and only deviate for good reason. Otherwise he will start to feel generally rebellious toward authority. I also think it’s a useful lesson that what goes wrong/ is disappointing one day can go right the next. I need to remember that even as an adult!

I think that’s such a wise point about parenting being about foreseeing trouble. We do need to set our dc up for success when they are learning to navigate their emotions.

His grandmother did kind of walk into it, bless her, but she was probably torn between saying no, and filling him up on ice cream and getting in trouble for that !

2 of my 3 young children have passed the age of 5 without wishing anyone dead. If my 3rd does it when she's that age, no matter how much I understand her feelings, she sure as hell won't be rewarded for her outburst as many on here are recommending.

Yes but they need to learn proportionality.

Im not suggesting punishing him, but he needs to see his actions hurt his grandmother and put him at risk.

To which I would add, apologising is a skill society is losing which is a shame, because it’s useful.

Many traditional fairy tales have abandonment as a major theme, it's a really common storyline.