wish i was not an older mum

[burgercokefries]

There ive said it i hate being an older mum.
Im 51 with a 5 year old what was i thinking.
Im tired im cranky in the mist of peri.

Just wanted a wee rant i cant tell people IRL they will think im selfish.

Not just you i think there are loads more that feel cheated.
But at least on this thread you can get it all off your chest and share the real side of it all.
Not many want to be as truthful just in case of being judged.💐

Its also how going though menopause effects you I am so tired and struggle with family life at this stage of my life, like many women do, that urge to run away and be alone is true for me as well but there is no way I could do that.

Yes, this.

I think have your DC later is different to having several DC over 1/2 decades.

If you had them later you aren't aware of how much easier it was younger (in many ways)

Also after parenting for decades your nurturing and self sacrifice is just worn thin, you have put your DC and often your DP first for a loooooong time.

I agree. Parenting over decades means you didn't get to experience being carefree in your 20s (a privilege of many but obviously not all older mums) but nor do you get to experience newfound freedom and economic advantage of your middle age having done the hard slogs in your 20s-40s.

My story is a bit different in that I first became a mum at 26 and again at 29. Husband was very wealthy but also horrifically coercively controlling and I was miserable. Divorced at 30-something.
Met my now husband and had our daughter at 39 (his only and last bio child!) We are 43 and 48 now. He is an exceptional husband and daddy. A lot less well off financially but that's life.
No regrets re the children at all but I suppose I do feel that I've never really had a chance to live my own life. Bit sad I never travelled and now never will!

Why on earth did you let yourself be influenced like that? And do you really regret having your 2 little ones, because that is so sad for them!

Do you regret having them?

Good for you, but it doesn't always work out that way!!

Why will you never travel? You can travel with your children!

The first time we did, my wonderful late parents paid for us to go to Disney Paris. Kids were 9, 7 and 2. For a few years after that, we did staycations and then we had some lovely holidays in France, Spain and Portugal! Wonderful memories!

@Runnerinthenight Sumple answer... no money and work in education so can't go outside of school holidays 😞

That’s not forever x

I dont think mums on this thread regret having their little ones i think they regret their timing.
And as someone as said they were thinking of the now not the later.
And we have all been influenced at some point in lifes with something but with hormones and peri-menopause in the mix it does not help.
This is a non-judgemental thread to vent and to give a true insight as its not always positives.
Maybe with these women speaking up it will help others.

Just wondering. Do you think it's the same for older dads?
Is it the peri/meno that makes being an older mum extra hard?

Yes but think it is the same. Dh male acquaintances who ditched same age wives for 30 somethings who then want their own children moan a lot about being back in the soft play years. Their pals and first wives are in the sunlit uplands of more independent lives with late teen young adult kids not needing them so travelling pleasing themselves. The errant husbands back in the playground for their last active decade. Ouch.

I guess I am just a little surprised that mature mums would let "because i wanted to be part of the older mums trends" sway such a big decision? And but for the timing, it wouldn't be their current child they have, it would be a different child?

I am an older mum because of circumstances. Because I wanted three children, and it had always been the plan, and I kept on trying in spite of two miscarriages.

Do people really make decisions on the size of their family based on Instagram or Tiktok? I just can't fathom that.

Yes I think this is right!

As a mid-40's Mum with a 3yo DC, my peri has suddenly kicked in and the last year has been hell ish - feel I've aged a decade.

BUT, I am not going to say I regret becoming an "older" mum. In my case I had no choice if I wanted children at all, which I did. Life didn't work out like a movie. We have been blessed with our child. Fucking knackering but blessed.

My plan is to rise to the challenge as best I can. You cannot control everything but you can take control over some aspects of your life. I've overhauled my diet, did the Zoe plan 18 months ago, now eat an incredibly healthy diet which I love, including loads of oestrogen boosting foods. Started HRT, stopped drinking apart from the occasional glass of red wine at weekend lunch time (then I find it doesn't interfere with my sleep) and did Couch to 5K. Been strength training and working towards some serious fitness goals now.

Sorted out my sleep hygiene (and DC's) and hoping that continues. Determined that I will have plenty of energy for my child as they grow up, as it's already clear they are going to be active! I plan on doing all I can to enjoy it as far as possible and embrace older motherhood. After all my child didn't ask to be born and they deserve me to be present, in all senses of the word.

I’m an older mum and the thing that bothers me the most is fearing I’ll not be around as long as her friends parents. She’s told me that it’s her biggest fear too. I wish I’d done it sooner as it’s a fear I can’t seem to put into perspective

My mum had me in her late twenties and died when I was a teenager. I also have a friend whose mum had her at 40 and is still here at 80. There's no guarantees in life. I do think generally when a family consistently has children at a fairly young age, you do tend to end up with lots of generations around at the same time which seems nice. I know someone who is 50 and who still has grandparents. That blows my mind.

But anyway, all you can do is stay as healthy and active as possible

Had my son at 18 he's 19 now and nothing in the world would make me want another.
I'm 37 with no responsibly.
The freedom is blissful.
I have friends that have babies and toddlers and often ask me to babysit they get a big fat NO.
I wouldn't cope.

Absolutely. I am a happy older mother, but I'm older only because of 10 years of struggling with infertility. I planned to be much younger, my plans failed. So the choice was to be an older mother, or never to be a mother.

This thread has terrified me. I have a 10yr old who I had at 33. We tried for years for a second. Felt very guilty for my son being an only child, thinking he will have all the responsibility of us parents when we age. Now, unexpectedly at 42, I’ve fallen pregnant. I don’t understand how, why it didn’t happen in the 7 years previous, but here we are. I hate the idea of being an older mum. All the same concerns that seem to be validated by this thread. After wanting it for so long for our family though I just don’t think I can terminate. I’m sad it’s happened now, and not 5 years ago. But do I just go with it, better late than never?? I’m at a loss what to do. Think I’m 8 weeks.

I'm pregnant with my second and 39 and will be 40 when I have the baby (if all goes well). I've had 2 losses since having my DS 4 years ago. These recent threads have made me feel lousy too! Honestly don't feel bad and congratulations! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Don't worry. I had my last at 41 so not very different. My kids all have special needs so it's full on but it's completely fine. The peri stuff is likely to hold off until very late 40s or beyond and many women don't get much impact at all. Honestly, I absolutely loved having him at that age - and didn't feel any different from being 36 or whatever. By the time you get to 50 and the menopause shit might hit the fan, he or she will be established at primary, able to go to after school clubs - it's much easier at that point. Honest, it'll be great to have another! I'm so glad I had my third. He's an amazing character.

Thanks…. Just found out there’s twins 🤮

Even better! Well, terrifying for anyone at any age. But congratulations!