wish i was not an older mum

[burgercokefries]

There ive said it i hate being an older mum.
Im 51 with a 5 year old what was i thinking.
Im tired im cranky in the mist of peri.

Just wanted a wee rant i cant tell people IRL they will think im selfish.

Gosh I'm 39 and my youngest is almost 12 and I'm shattered. I also have a disabled 13yr old, autistic 17yr old and a 20yr old. My friend had her second at 46 he now also is almost 12 and she can't cope at all. In

I will be you in a few years. Had my eldest at 24 and youngest at 32. Youngest has autism, aged 9 but still like a toddler in lots of ways. Still doesn't sleep through the night and needs constant supervision when awake. I'm nearly 42 and feel too old for this.

Snap glad it's not just me! I feel cheated.

It is exhausting but I wasn’t ready for kids when I was younger. I wanted to grow my career and travel and have fun times..all of which I did. Now I’ve gone from young looking to old exhausted frump as an older mum but find my priorities have shifted and I don’t really care about the things I used to like career and looks, I’m just enjoying focussing on the children. I think by the time they leave the nest I’ll be about ready for the OAP home anyway.

My friend said she cant cope on some day its just all to much.
Shes 52 with a 9year old & 14 year old the teen years are in full swing and she not a nice 14 year old right now i asked why did she do it again when she had he life back.
Her reply was as above poster said hormones and seeing older mums made it look easy.
She dont go out like she used to as she cant afford child care and her friends have moved on to different things now they dont want to talk about kids all the time.
I feel sorry for her.

I'm 44 now and I'm feeling fine physically, but at 50, my dcs will be 8 and 12 and it does worry me. No sign of peri at all yet but I'm reading all the articles about it. I'm coping because my DH is fortunately hands-on, and I'm a sahm so I don't have to juggle work responsibilities, but then I do have a 2yo 24/7.

I really need to increase my fitness and improve my sleep. My dcs sleep well now, but they don't go to bed early, then evenings is the only time I can do admin and some housekeeping, and I have a constant battle to keep up with that. Fitness is limited to lots of walking now, which is the only thing that fits with my toddler's routine.

I had my eldest in my teens, then also in my twenties, my thirties and my youngest was born when I had turned forty.
It might be easier for me in some ways as this exhaustion is all I’ve ever known! But I’m also weary of feeding people and ironing and matching socks. I’d quite like to be left alone for a part of every day in my garden. Just me and peace.
My youngest is now of an age where it’s much easier…yours will be even more so in just another eighteen months or so OP.

I got pregnant at 18,1969 so you got married then! Met my second DH at 39,he didn't have children. I was really lucky that I had our DD at 41,it was my easiest pregnancy and birth. A lot of people asked if it was my first,(i had always looked young for my age. oldest was 21. 2 boys in the middle. I don't regret having her, but I do feel uncomfortable now, with her partners mum being my oldest DD age and his GPs being my age.

Went through the menopause straight after having last baby, which was a shock.

Ive name changed for this.
Im 49 husband 52 and 4 year old twins my oldest child is 22 and a 24 year old.
It has taken its toll on me my marriage and my bank.
Washing machine never has a day off house is a mess.
Both have SEN its so hard.
My marriage is heading for a divorce.
We are always skint never have any time alone.
I really wanted another baby he didnt i had my coil removed without telling my husband i wish i had left it in place.
I cant keep up with the younger mums my twins spend most time fighting and shouting.
My eldest 2 dont come over as much my friends dont want to talk about kid stuff all the time i dont blame them either.
My brother and sister have booked their holidays both have adult children they stopped at 2 each now enjoying their time.
Im might as well as call myself yoyo because im up and down all the time.
I should have listened when my sister told me dont do it again.
Im a SAHM because we simply can not afford child care.
Cant even piss in peace most days hate the school holidays.
I cheated myself out of freedom and lied to my husband to do it.
My own fault my own karma.
Im just fed up if i could turn back time i would.

I can never square threads like this with all the “fertility falls off a cliff at 35” messaging that’s rammed down my throat as a single 30something woman.

Congrats to all the older mammas. 🥳

Very honest.

Thanks its an honest none judgement thread so thought id add to.
Feels good to out with it all.

@onthegoallthetime I feel for you. I got pregnant at 43, we did consider having a child but decided against it due to quite significant health issues which would have been a massive strain.

No wonder you're knackered! Nothing but sympathy, I'm 34 and constantly fielding the "are you having another?" questions because I don't feel like I have the energy now, nevermind a decade from now. I have to admire mums in their 40's and 50's still muscling through it all!

You choose the right choice.
But as a few have already said we were thinking of the now not the later.
You was cleaver and thought of the later not the now.
Wish i was you.

Make sure its what you really really want first your still young.
Dont be talked into it make sure its not hormones talking.
My advice is a big fat dont go there.

Hormone's and biology are powerful things

No-one lives in past glories. I don't know what to think of that statement, but it's certainly thought provoking!

I'm having my 1st now at 37, and I'm so grateful for my child free years behind me

My nan was in your position and she found it tough too. She unexpectedly had her 5th at 46, my dad her eldest was 21.

Growing up my dad took on a parental role with his sister to help his mum out. He had me (5 years younger) and my older sister (2 years older -technically his step child) so my auntie slotted in with us as a hybrid sibling/cousin/auntie.

I think there were two really difficult times for my nan talking to her in her later years. The early years and then the teen years. My auntie had a hard time with bullying but she met a great guy in her teens who was brought up by his nan and they were like kindred spirits. They have been married for 25 years now.

There are pros and cons of all ages but some cons hit harder. It's ok to find things a challenge. My nan and auntie did find things hard at times but they also provided great joy for one another. My Auntie had kids young and my nan was able to be very involved, i think this is often a fear of older mums that they won't be about for that set of grandchildren. Out of my nans 5 children she probably had the closest relationship with the youngest even if at times it was difficult.

The younger ages I found harder physically but not mentally. Could be just my lot but never have I fully understood the true meaning of worry until now. Their independence, their freedom, their safety, boundaries, friendships, fitting in at school: uni and their exams. The worst them going out to clubs etc and waiting for them to come home. Also much as I love them so very dearly you feel they just take what they need from you and then sometimes you look around and wonder where the magical days of their childhoods went. When they are all out and the house is quiet I can still picture them being little again, all the noise and giggles, toys everywhere and a feeling that all was right with the world.

Ive also name changed for this.
Thank god for this thread op its an eye opener.
I was gonna make a thread about finding out im pregnant again.
I have a 21 & 19 year old and found out yesterday im 8 weeks pregnant again at the age of 47 still in abit of shock.
Have spoken with my husband and had a long talk last night we have decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy we think its the best choice for both of us.
And what we both want.
We have one child moved out and one at uni.
We are stable with life with no worries and enjoying an empty home and having time for each other and time to go o holidays and random weekends away together without a care in the world.
Im booked in at a privet clinic tomorrow and my husband an i have booked 3 weeks holiday leave together so i can recover.
We have chosen not to tell any one just keep it to ourselfs as its our choice.

I'm 53 with a 7 year old and also have a child in high school and one in university and honestly, if I could, I'd have another. The only thing stopping me is knowing me and my DH need a bit of us time. And as exhausting as they are when I look back at pictures and videos of them when they were younger I just think that I wish I'd paid more attention and cherished the moments. Schmaltzy I know but I'm watching my 7 year old become his own little man and I know he's growing up so fast. I say all the time that I'm just immensely proud of getting to my 40s and making two beautiful little humans.

I was actually just lying here (next to DS while he naps) and just thinking how tired I feel being a mother to a toddler. Not lacking sleep tired, but lacking energy. I just want to sit and be still sometimes. And I'm early 30s, a very average age now for a first time mum! You don't realise how tiring parenting is until it actually happens.

Sending you all flowers. My mum had me when she was 44, I was high risk for Downs so all throughout her pregnancy she was stressed out. It was no secret that being an older mum took its toll on her.

She’s in her 80s now and she seems more youthful and energised than I’ve ever seen her before!!