Page 3 | To genuinely hate weekends with kids

ithinkineehelp · 2024-04-22T09:57:27+00:00

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative. I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!). I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sayingitstraight · 22/04/2024 15:00

If they behave and eat well at nursery then they can do it, what boundaries and consequences do you enforce at home. You also need to deal with your DH, how your feeling must be awful, you need support .

Octavia64 · 22/04/2024 15:02

Food:

Mine were both fussy.

Make a list of safe foods that they will mostly eat.

If possible take off anything that involves too
much effort

Provide those things.

At those ages I was mostly providing a cold selection - plain bread plus various cheesestrings/baby bells etc. very little cooking time and cheap if they didn't eat it.

Fruit (cheap fruit) was always Available.

If it is cheap and you haven't put much time into making it you care a lot less when they don't eat it.

Catsinpartyhats · 22/04/2024 15:04

I've been there. It is exhausting. But it was true for me, I needed firm boundries. And it didn't change overnight. Its hard to change when you are mentally exhausted.

Set a timer for 20/30 mins for play time. Warn them when it goes off you have to do X. They can help or play on. You can play again after the jobs. If they want to help, let them wash plastic dishes at the sink/sort wet socks. Ignore any moaning. Repeat.

Offer plain pasta at every meal/dinner and whatever else you are having. Say how good it is (not too hammy though!).

Mine didn't like the tv but they did like kids games on youtube (party freeze dance, floor is lava, mario run games, mrs linky?). Give them a try.

Either kick your husband up the arse or out the door. And mean it.

Good luck. You can do this

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:06

Octavia64 · 22/04/2024 15:02

Food:

Mine were both fussy.

Make a list of safe foods that they will mostly eat.

If possible take off anything that involves too
much effort

Provide those things.

At those ages I was mostly providing a cold selection - plain bread plus various cheesestrings/baby bells etc. very little cooking time and cheap if they didn't eat it.

Fruit (cheap fruit) was always Available.

If it is cheap and you haven't put much time into making it you care a lot less when they don't eat it.

Thanks for the ideas, although they don’t eat cheese or bread.. but I see what you are saying.
my issue is more about if they don’t eat they are miserable and whinny and have meltdowns that I can’t cope with

OP posts:

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:07

Catsinpartyhats · 22/04/2024 15:04

I've been there. It is exhausting. But it was true for me, I needed firm boundries. And it didn't change overnight. Its hard to change when you are mentally exhausted.

Set a timer for 20/30 mins for play time. Warn them when it goes off you have to do X. They can help or play on. You can play again after the jobs. If they want to help, let them wash plastic dishes at the sink/sort wet socks. Ignore any moaning. Repeat.

Offer plain pasta at every meal/dinner and whatever else you are having. Say how good it is (not too hammy though!).

Mine didn't like the tv but they did like kids games on youtube (party freeze dance, floor is lava, mario run games, mrs linky?). Give them a try.

Either kick your husband up the arse or out the door. And mean it.

Good luck. You can do this

Thank you so so much

OP posts:

JLT24 · 22/04/2024 15:09

Can DH take them to the park/for a ride in the car/to visit family (something you don’t need to book) every Saturday morning for a couple of hours and you blitz the house and do meal prep? Then the rest of the weekend can be spent focusing solely on activities with the DC and you’re not trying to get them to watch TV which they don’t enjoy whilst trying to do chores. Ideally you could spend some time one on one with each child - taking turns whilst DH does the same with other DC. Do some crafts/baking/reading together etc.

DH also needs to clean up each evening at 8pm once kids are in bed and you have a bath/glass of wine/read a book/watch a film/meet a friend/chill - you need to fill your cup up with something you enjoy. Even if you take turns and get one evening each weekend to yourself.

I think sweets/sugary foods (except fruit) need to go, at least until maybe a small treat in the evening. Once they start the day on sugar for breakfast that’s all they’ll crave all day and nothing will satisfy them hence the whinging and moaning (not their fault it’s physiological). You need to have firm boundaries around this, no ice creams when out only ice cream after tea etc. Stick to very basic food they’ll eat as you know they eat well during the week at childcare and maybe give them a multi vitamin supplement each morning so at least that’ll ease your worry about nutrition.

I agree with getting outside or swimming where you can give them your full attention. Or ask what they want to do? Soon they’ll start to enjoy it with the changes above implemented.

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:14

JLT24 · 22/04/2024 15:09

Can DH take them to the park/for a ride in the car/to visit family (something you don’t need to book) every Saturday morning for a couple of hours and you blitz the house and do meal prep? Then the rest of the weekend can be spent focusing solely on activities with the DC and you’re not trying to get them to watch TV which they don’t enjoy whilst trying to do chores. Ideally you could spend some time one on one with each child - taking turns whilst DH does the same with other DC. Do some crafts/baking/reading together etc.

DH also needs to clean up each evening at 8pm once kids are in bed and you have a bath/glass of wine/read a book/watch a film/meet a friend/chill - you need to fill your cup up with something you enjoy. Even if you take turns and get one evening each weekend to yourself.

I think sweets/sugary foods (except fruit) need to go, at least until maybe a small treat in the evening. Once they start the day on sugar for breakfast that’s all they’ll crave all day and nothing will satisfy them hence the whinging and moaning (not their fault it’s physiological). You need to have firm boundaries around this, no ice creams when out only ice cream after tea etc. Stick to very basic food they’ll eat as you know they eat well during the week at childcare and maybe give them a multi vitamin supplement each morning so at least that’ll ease your worry about nutrition.

I agree with getting outside or swimming where you can give them your full attention. Or ask what they want to do? Soon they’ll start to enjoy it with the changes above implemented.

Edited

No he wont take both of them. We sometimes divide them up and spend time individually with them which is easier for me to do chores with one as opposed to two.

I have those boundaries around sugery food, unfortunately my husband doesnt follow them because its easier for him to give in. I've had this conversation SO MANY TIMES and it won't resonate

OP posts:

OriginalUsername2 · 22/04/2024 15:17

Have you seen their GP about their food issues? This sounds like the main thing that needs solving. DP should take it more seriously with a professional involved in their diet.

JLT24 · 22/04/2024 15:24

That’s actually so sad he won’t take both of his children out for 2 hours a week and also has no respect for your boundaries around food. Does he understand how badly it’s effecting your mental health?

Focusing on what you can do, if all DH will do is take one child out then put it in place it every week and then get chores done with one DC at home at least or send both DC to a club to get chores done. It sounds like some routine and structure will help rather than things only being done by DH ‘sometimes’. Could you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week or every other week to take a load off?

Things will not improve until there are some changes made. If DH is blocking the changes, then maybe you need to think about whether you can continue in the relationship.

moggle · 22/04/2024 15:25

I came over hot reading your OP as I was in your shoes 5 ish years ago although minus useless DH. DD 4 and twin DS were 1.5. I hated the weekends. DD would be at preschool 3 days a week so it was slightly easier in the week and DH in the office so the house just less busy. And while the twins napped I could do what I wanted. And then covid came and it felt like it was constant weekends for a couple of years and during that time it became clear one of the twins was probably autistic and hated us going out anywhere even for a 5 min walk. DH and I were so knackered we each needed a lie in every weekend so we couldn’t get out anywhere much before lunchtime and the parent who didn’t get a lie in that day would be simmering with annoyance, and my kids were so horrendous in public so we never ate out or went anywhere we had to pay for as it was just a waste. Somehow we came through it, they’re 9 and 6 now, this weekend on Saturday they had swimming lessons, DH took 2 of them to a football game while me and the other stayed home, we played some board games together - proper games, not boring orchard games, I gave them 50p each to hang out two loads of washing while I sat and drank coffee. On Sunday the twins went to a party and I took DD shopping to primark and M&S as we both needed some new clothes and then gave her a few quid to spend in the arcade at the bowling alley as a thank you for being so patient with trying things on. The kids were up at 7 watching tv each day which they sort out themselves along with a bowl of cereal , DH and I woke up, had coffee in bed and then got up at 8 so no passive aggressive comments about who is more tired.
we all ate meatballs and pasta together for dinner on Saturday, yes served in 4 different ways, food can still push my buttons!
you've had some great advice, I don’t have much else to say just if none of the advice fixes it, time will make it easier. It does definitely sound like DH needs some work though…

MavisPennies · 22/04/2024 15:26

If you work & kids go to nursery could you have a day off in the week every now and then? It sounds like you need to charge your own battery.
You don't have to tell anyone, just pack them off to nursery as usual and then go off and do whatever give you energy for the day (go back to bed, read, go to a botanical garden, museum etc, whatever works for you).
I'd even take the odd sickie to do this if I were you.

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:31

MavisPennies · 22/04/2024 15:26

If you work & kids go to nursery could you have a day off in the week every now and then? It sounds like you need to charge your own battery.
You don't have to tell anyone, just pack them off to nursery as usual and then go off and do whatever give you energy for the day (go back to bed, read, go to a botanical garden, museum etc, whatever works for you).
I'd even take the odd sickie to do this if I were you.

i've done that but i always end up doing chores. I should force myself to do something for me.. thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:31

moggle · 22/04/2024 15:25

I came over hot reading your OP as I was in your shoes 5 ish years ago although minus useless DH. DD 4 and twin DS were 1.5. I hated the weekends. DD would be at preschool 3 days a week so it was slightly easier in the week and DH in the office so the house just less busy. And while the twins napped I could do what I wanted. And then covid came and it felt like it was constant weekends for a couple of years and during that time it became clear one of the twins was probably autistic and hated us going out anywhere even for a 5 min walk. DH and I were so knackered we each needed a lie in every weekend so we couldn’t get out anywhere much before lunchtime and the parent who didn’t get a lie in that day would be simmering with annoyance, and my kids were so horrendous in public so we never ate out or went anywhere we had to pay for as it was just a waste. Somehow we came through it, they’re 9 and 6 now, this weekend on Saturday they had swimming lessons, DH took 2 of them to a football game while me and the other stayed home, we played some board games together - proper games, not boring orchard games, I gave them 50p each to hang out two loads of washing while I sat and drank coffee. On Sunday the twins went to a party and I took DD shopping to primark and M&S as we both needed some new clothes and then gave her a few quid to spend in the arcade at the bowling alley as a thank you for being so patient with trying things on. The kids were up at 7 watching tv each day which they sort out themselves along with a bowl of cereal , DH and I woke up, had coffee in bed and then got up at 8 so no passive aggressive comments about who is more tired.
we all ate meatballs and pasta together for dinner on Saturday, yes served in 4 different ways, food can still push my buttons!
you've had some great advice, I don’t have much else to say just if none of the advice fixes it, time will make it easier. It does definitely sound like DH needs some work though…

thank you for giving me hope

OP posts:

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:33

OriginalUsername2 · 22/04/2024 15:17

Have you seen their GP about their food issues? This sounds like the main thing that needs solving. DP should take it more seriously with a professional involved in their diet.

yes I have. they have no medical issues, they eat brilliantly at nursery/school and at childcare. It's only on the weekend, if I give them the exact same food they will refuse and throw a tantrum. I think its partially because they arent hungry because DH keeps giving them snacks to shut them up

OP posts:

OhYoko · 22/04/2024 15:34

It gets better. I remember crying at a broken pay and display machine in a car park on a dreary November Saturday afternoon while my 3 and 5 year old fought and bashed each other with their little mittened fists and saying to my husband that I couldn't believe that this was the high point of my week. Five years on it's much better and we have (mostly) good times together. And they sleep til at least 9am most weekends too!

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:34

JLT24 · 22/04/2024 15:24

That’s actually so sad he won’t take both of his children out for 2 hours a week and also has no respect for your boundaries around food. Does he understand how badly it’s effecting your mental health?

Focusing on what you can do, if all DH will do is take one child out then put it in place it every week and then get chores done with one DC at home at least or send both DC to a club to get chores done. It sounds like some routine and structure will help rather than things only being done by DH ‘sometimes’. Could you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week or every other week to take a load off?

Things will not improve until there are some changes made. If DH is blocking the changes, then maybe you need to think about whether you can continue in the relationship.

Edited

he gets too overwhelmed. i do to, i would never take them both out even at the park across the road. No he doesnt understand how much it affects me, no matter how many times we discuss it he goes on the defensive or he says that i moan too much or that others do it, why cant i

OP posts:

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:36

OhYoko · 22/04/2024 15:34

It gets better. I remember crying at a broken pay and display machine in a car park on a dreary November Saturday afternoon while my 3 and 5 year old fought and bashed each other with their little mittened fists and saying to my husband that I couldn't believe that this was the high point of my week. Five years on it's much better and we have (mostly) good times together. And they sleep til at least 9am most weekends too!

i have definitely cried in worse places! thanks for the motivation. I was on my way to work this morning and crying on the tube, I bet people thought I was crazy (not that I cared)

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/04/2024 15:36

Sayingitstraight · 22/04/2024 15:00

If they behave and eat well at nursery then they can do it, what boundaries and consequences do you enforce at home. You also need to deal with your DH, how your feeling must be awful, you need support .

What I said !!

And dh needs to stop giving snacks so that they will eat as hungry

coxesorangepippin · 22/04/2024 15:39

Park. Football. Big picnic. Wellies. Bucket. Spade. Flask of coffee for you.

Stay all day.

Job done.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/04/2024 15:40

I think you need an outside the home hobby on Saturdays or Sundays and just set off and go

JLT24 · 22/04/2024 15:47

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 15:34

he gets too overwhelmed. i do to, i would never take them both out even at the park across the road. No he doesnt understand how much it affects me, no matter how many times we discuss it he goes on the defensive or he says that i moan too much or that others do it, why cant i

Show quote history

DH is the reason the kids won’t eat well on a weekend until he respects that it won’t change. Could you let it go knowing they eat well during the week?

Yourself and DH need to share childcare and chores on a weekend or both DC go to a club whilst you get chores done. You’re having a breakdown over trying to do both. You have the power to change it.

fiddleleaffig · 22/04/2024 15:52

Lots of people have given lots of suggestions but as a very immediate suggestion - get some ear plugs! I have loop quiet ones and they honestly help so much to drown out the whining at times and will make those overwhelmed/over-talked-at so much easier to bare

BumpyaDaisyevna · 22/04/2024 15:58

Ah you're in the depths of the parenting trenches on the frontline with a 5 and 3.5 year old.

Everyone in the trenches hated it - it was miserable as hell but it was necessary and it did come to an end eventually to be replaced by better times.

Lower your expectations of enjoyment and approach it professionally- for now, this is a job I have to do, a duty to carry out.

Don't add to your burdens by expecting yourself to love every minute.

When the good times come enjoy them to the fullest ! And don't worry about the bad times - they'll pass.

And remember those two little boys love you to bits and you're their whole world - no matter how annoying they are 🤣

cuckyplunt · 22/04/2024 16:00

Just divorce the twat and let him have the kids every second weekend, he’ll learn,

Original poster

ithinkineehelp · 22/04/2024 16:07

coxesorangepippin · 22/04/2024 15:39

Park. Football. Big picnic. Wellies. Bucket. Spade. Flask of coffee for you.

Stay all day.

Job done.

cant do that, I am exhausted from the moment I wake up. plus they dont eat in picnic style. and if they dont eat they get sooooo miserable I cant get them home fast enough where they will be miserable but at least i'll be in my pyjamas and not freezing cold

OP posts:

To genuinely hate weekends with kids

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