To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

Op how are you doing today? Xx

I hear you. I feel you. Completely!
I had spent the past 6 months feeling as you are and it was so difficult! It reached a point where I had no down time. I was always ‘on’- at work/at home. I felt mum guilt constantly! The lack of sleep was also effecting me. So much to the point where I became unwell and had to take time off work. That gave me chance to breathe and along with some support (medication) from the doctor I now feel so much more resilient and I’m enjoying my children again. I’ve learnt to slow down, breathe and not get frustrated with the things I can’t get done.
Having young children is tough and anyone that says ‘just get in with it’ isn’t really helpful!
take a day at a time- celebrate the small wins each day and build yourself back up slowly. Pasta is fine for now. They won’t still be eating just pasta in a few years time. I used to rush around trying to get stuff done only giving half of myself to the kids as I desperately wanted a break… and that’s normal and ok. Don’t beat yourself up.
if you’ve got to the point where you’re feeling like this then maybe take a trip to the gp to assess your own health and well-being and look at ways in which you can get some support. Things will get better! I thought they never would and they did!
just know that you are the world to your children and they want you so much because of how fabulous you are. It’s hard being in demand but take that as a positive and know you’re a great mother! Sorry if I’ve rambled here! Just want you to know that this feeling is normal and an overwhelmed mama deserves a break too! Good luck xx

I do remember these days OP, and they do get easier. In the meantime, have you considered reducing your hours at work? Could you drop a day but afford to keep the kids in whatever childcare they’re in, if only for a half day? That way you can have a few hours to yourself to regroup, take a walk, have a nap, read a book, just anything you want but importantly just for you! the weekends won’t feel as tedious if you know you’ve got that to look forward to.
Of not maybe insist you’re doing something for you one evening every weekend and husband can do the bedtime alone.
in regards to the food, I had a nightmare with DS and it became so traumatic to both of us to be trying to get him to eat different foods. I decided to stop forcing it and just feed him the same thing each day which I knew he would eat (I was lucky it wasn’t too unhealthy) when he got older he decided to start trying different foods and now he’s 11 he has a much wider range of foods on his list. Choose your battles, and let some things go.
Please know you are not alone, talk to other mums, look in the mirror, straighten your crown and be confident that you will get through this. X.

This sounds grim. All sympathy. Can grandparents help?
can you afford a cleaner? Might take some of the heat off?
Eat simple food and cut up fruit?
All sympathy.

It’s so sad that women consider themselves ‘lucky’ that their husband is fully hands-on at the weekend (that’s not a slight on you at all)

I want to give you a hug and shout at your husband. He's being a crap Dad and partner.

Set a 2 week challenge trying the stuff he
Eat pasta
Loads of outside time
Organise play dates with their friends
Sticker chart for good behaviour
Keep them busy inside - painting etc with one parent supervising and the other getting necessary house stuff done

Husband has to be on board and co parent. Do some 121 time with the kids during the 2 week window. Loads and loads of verbal praise for any good behaviour with a sticker on their chart too. Take a couple of days off work - it sounds like you really really really need to rest!

Remember it takes 21 days to form a habit so the kids need time to change

I feel like this too OP, and my DC is 12. And I've got the teen years around the corner 😖 I'm focussing on 2030 to maybe stop feeling so overwhelmed, despondent & useless. It's no consolation, but youre not alone, good luck
All i could suggest is, if possible, getting out of the house with them, and getting them to spend time with grandparents if possible. (My DC's grandparents are all far away)

Also OP I recently came across the term "mummy burnout", i think you & i both have it.

I honestly feel your pain. I remember what it was like at weekends. I just couldn't do it, and felt terrible for not "enjoying the best years of their lives". It was hell. It passed but it was only a day at a time.

I managed to reduce work to 4 days and then down to 3.5. It just gave me some time where I didn't have to be full on.

It sounds like you're burnt out, and no wonder. Its so easy for people to say when they don't have a useless dh. In my case I laid into him the whole time, threatened to leave etc. Now as adults my kids are in therapy telling me I traumatised them by threatening to leave. But I was at the end of my tether, I just wanted to get away. In fact I wanted to die really, or just stop any possible way.

It's burnout, and that's what it does to you. It's not you. It's the circumstances. You are already stronger than most people will ever need to be.

Good luck. Get a cleaner, maybe pay for extra help with the kids at weekends. My neighbour pays my teenage daughter for babysitting while she's there, just to lighten the load. Its not as expensive as actual childcare, but it gives her just an hour or two of respite from "Mummy".

Why not start by going to your GP? It could be the boys have ADHD or similar, if your oh is useless, forget about him and just concentrate on you and the boy's, don't try to include him or wait for his help, as it will just make it harder and more upsetting for you, apart from the sugar, let them eat what the will,.. plain pasta, it will take a long time for it to effect them not having all the nutrients, and I imagine that they will be fed up of pasta before then, if they will drink milk give them plenty, and water, I was a single parent for a quite a few years ( dad wasn't on the scene at all) I used to long for some ' me time, peace etc! ' now my babies are all grown grown up I long for their baby days again!! Before you know they will be at school, college, uni, married!! It really does go fast!!
Just try and go with the flow, let them run around screaming (you can do this at the park) eat pasta, (it's not harmful) but do go to your doctor 1st, start keeping a daily diary, so you have something to show the doc. Ask your health visitor about any groups or therapy you can access ie. Start right. ... Wishing you the very best, 🫂❤️ xxxx

PS looking back, both of my kids had additional needs, but not over the threshold for diagnosis.

They were always high need, and I knew that, but everyone else just sees the mum as the root cause of all evil. 🙄

Now they of course are wonderful, beautiful adults who are utterly devoted to me to my amazement. It was worth it in the end.

I compromised massively on every possible type of standard. One had an eating disorder and the other was very picky and underweight. I just compromised and gave them what they would eat. The ED clinic said getting the basic necessary calories is the most important thing, nutrition is second. So dried pasta is fine if they are having proper food during the week.

Listen to the audio book or if you ca ever get time, read the book "How to keep house when you're drowning". It's message is helpful to those of us burning out.

Some of us, through no fault of our own, are asked more of than average as mums. The worst bit is watching others sail through while we struggle. It's not your fault, it's all the factors you're juggling with, full time work being one.

Try to drop any aspirations and just buckle down. It won't last forever.

When you go out, keep them running at all times - you can give them attention by timing them to run between things on their own and also referee races with distance/sprint/hopping etc, play "fetch", get them to be a rescue force and you be the base (keep giving them missions of people who need rescuing at different reasonably distant trees etc then they return to you for the next call-out, all at top speed), play 'captain's coming' and 'fruit salad' with you as the caller. Tuck a muslin into the back of the trousers of one and give them a three second head start, then the others have to catch them and pull the 'tail' out, then repeat with a different runner (play that one on grass, not concrete!).
After a couple of hours of constant directed motion they ought to have burned off enough energy to take the edge off things in a way that e.g.: walking, sitting on a swing, standing still playing catch doesn't).

If focus at home is an issue, try having a couple of things going on at once, e.g.: you all play DUPLO together on a mat on the floor, but you have music playing in the background that they can dance to or an audiobook to keep half their mind busy so that they can focus on the DUPLO with the rest.

Are you near public transport? When mine were that age I used to get an all day family bus/train ticket and let them decide the route planning and lunch stops. Top deck of a bus kept them entertained for hours!

This is a double edged sword and i’m not sure if it’s been suggested yet but if you need small regular breaks you are offering the wrong screens. Kids today don’t really want to watch TV. I have 3 boys (now 8 - 13) and they barely look at it. BUT what they do want is YouTube on an iPad - each, shared watching won’t cut it. At their age show them unboxing videos or Ryan’s World (my kids are a few years older, there’s probably a newer trend) and they’ll be lost.

Then your pain will be getting them off it to come to not eat the food you’ve made for each meal! No joking matter - the restricting of the screens is even worse but with the right boundaries from the start you’ll buy yourself a few moments to hear your own thoughts!

P.S. If you’re ready to throw yourself in front of a bus imagine how fun covid working from home while home schooling and looking after kids (just like yours - with useless husband to boot) that age was and you’ll hopefully feel a little better! 😂

I brought up two children with very little money and on the whole they were very happy times with happy parents and children.
First stop of the day is the park, swimming or in the garden to let some energy off ( one parent can do this to give the other a break). Then it’s lunch, get them helping, mine loved to top a mini pizza or help make hot dogs. Afternoon a bit of quiet time, books, Lego then maybe a family movie at 5pm. Just some ideas.
The way you are going your life sounds awful and something needs to change.
I suggest you both go on a parenting course to learn the basics as this will only get worse.
It really doesn’t need to be this miserable, this is not normal family life.

Forget about the partner? Oh and just let him check out. No fucking way.

Oh my !
you need some time once a week for you , even if it means they are in nursery and you’re at home / not working one weekday .
Can you afford a cleaner once a week or fortnight ?
I didn’t have a cleaner but I did have one day child free from 9 -3 when my younger 2 were smaller ( I have 3 )
The food thing is very difficult, mine weren’t picky .
Of course there were ( and still are ) foods they don’t like but everyone , child or adult will have some foods they dislike

Have come across this thread a few times and not had time to comment but thankfully my kids (6 and 4) are having a dance party downstairs after lunch and I’m getting on with some bits upstairs (half life admin and half scrolling 🤫😂). I love them to bits and enjoy our time together (in and out of the house) massively but it’s these bits of time I think every parent needs to themself to stay sane and not face the overwhelm! I could also be having a bath right now and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t bat an eyelid or come looking for me. What is your boys’ bond like? Do they play together well or do they always need you with them? Have you ever introduced a timer, using it like ‘you’ve got 20 minutes to play together while Mummy does XYZ and then I’ll come and join in too’ ? Even if XYZ is you having some quiet time in another room to reset because they’ve been particularly hard work prior to that - that’s still time you need for you. If their bond isn’t there yet because of their ages, I have hope for you that it will come.

Re the food issues, that must be hard and it’s tricky to know which approach to go for if they change their minds often - lots of picky bits on the table that they choose, including some safe bits, and a ‘try something new’ food? That’s a rule we’ve always had in our house, if there’s something new you have a choice to try a big bit or a small bit 😂 but I have a niece and a nephew who are particularly fussy and won’t sit at the table so I can see how it plays out. Even just a few rules around mealtimes, such as staying there until everybody has finished, one green thing on your plate etc could be helpful

With the whining, I can’t stand it. Absolutely can’t stand it. Be firm with them about expectations and how you talk to each other respectfully - whining not tolerated. They should be able to understand that at their ages. Even if they’re hangry. I get it from my kids time to time obviously because that’s normal but on the daily would drive me insane and I’d start taking away some of their privileges until they learned I’m not putting up with it.

And finally your OH 🤯🤯🤯🤯 wtf?! His behaviour is lazy and disrespectful (hello, consistent boundary setting for kids 👋🏼) and in all honesty if he can’t cope with looking after them together / for lengths of time, he either needs to go to parenting classes, counselling or be given the cold, hard fact that he’s not husband material anymore because you need somebody who supports you - physically and emotionally 😡 I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this basically on your own OP, especially with such a full-on job. I’m not sure what your finances are like but I think lightening the load by paying a cleaner / healthy meal prep service so you can have more energy for being around your family would be a great start.

I hope this weekend is a better one for you ❤️

You have my sympathy - I've been there. I wonder if you could "do deals" and use choices more? First with DH: here's the deal - I'm going out for 2 hours to chill, then you can do the same for 2 hours - and during those 2 hours with the kids you give the kids your full attention. And secondly with the kids - tell them this is the deal: Ok we'll do X together for one hour, till the timer goes. Then I need to do something else without you bothering me. While I'm busy you can choose what you do - is it going to be x or y? When the timer goes off we can talk again. Obviously you'd need to start with a small amount of time for them to entertain themselves, then build it up... Good luck. (And yes, it does get easier...at least the high pitched voices change...)

We have 5,3,1(nearly 2) and it’s similar. I’m a SAHM but desperately wanting to work a bit both for my brain and because we don’t have enough income! However realistically I can offer about 4-8 hours a week.

anyway, I find it really hard to be home with them, particularly the older two, my husband isn’t quite as useless but he too finds it easier to be out and about with them. They have literally ALL the toys but it’s still easier to be out - often expensive 🙄😫 but it feels so stressful having them just argue/fight what feels like every other minute! Mine don’t chill much either, they’re all very high energy (and only one is a boy!)

my middle one has what I think is a pretty poor diet, barely eats anything, refuses all fruit and veg but will have fruit pouch things Ella’s kitchen/aldi/lidl style which feels like something. I try to cram as many vitamins and omega into her as I can, snuck into her milk at bedtime. It’s painful.

lastly - my eldest in particular is quite into his iPad (obvs you can get cheaper options than an iPad, we thought this was worth the investment for him when he turned 4ish) at times and playing games on that… some are absolute nonsense, some are educational but it can mean some quiet time.. worth a look into?

We do this. One of us will be with the kids (4 and 1) for an hour or two, then swap. The other usually does housework, cooking or dog walks but it feels like time to yourself as you can put the radio on and mentally detach a bit 😬

Like many of you I struggle with being in the house with my 2. The youngest has just learned to walk and my oldest constantly chases him about, knocking him over (not on purpose) and snatching whatever toy he has - usually to show him how to use it properly but he inevitably cries and squawks. I know my oldest is thrilled by her baby brother but she’s just so overexcited by him still - she’s constantly shrieking and laughing at everything he does and just can’t seem to leave him alone for a moment.

So we do get out and about a lot but I try to keep it low key, because I don’t want them to grow up expecting every weekend to be crammed with excitement and high octane activities. It’s mainly walks, the park, the beach, the supermarket, ‘helping’ with errands and so on.

Well you might but not everyone does. My girls are ok but they used to bloody fight non stop . Arguing fighting stropping. Hated being indoors with them behaving like that but if I took them out they would then embarrass me with their behaviour

Had to try and make sure they were as far apart as possible from each other most of the time. They went to different schools , put them in seperate clubs. Even at age 10 and 13 they went to summer camps. I made sure one was Cornwall bound and the other went north. Off they went on 2 different coaches but manage to meet up at a central point and fight and argue before going on their next coaches

I lot of suggestions to address the children’s behaviour but this sounds like totally normal children. Non stop from morning, don’t eat and to actually expect them to watch tv. Some children might be able to engage and watch a film at 5 but most can’t, they are non stop. I think the issue is you and your partner. You need to make some big changes. I can tell from your post that you are at breaking point. But you need to do something, take time for yourself and recharge your batteries, self care and access some parenting lessons. Reach out for support, talk to your GP, something. You are heading for a break down. I know you feel guilty but the responsibility is equal for you and your partner. Please get help!!! Cause the children will suffer along side you. This is not a reply of judgement, this is a response that acknowledges the seriousness of what you are saying and how you are feeling. You are heading for a mental breakdown. I am single parent with 2 children I know it’s hard but it doesn’t need to bring you to desperation.

Can I ask op how you’re doing now? X

Hope things improve OP.

Consider taking a day off work once s fortnight but don't tell anyone! Your Me Time