To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

Meltdowns due to potentially additional needs or because you wont give them what they want which you do anyway?

They are different children at nursery

The more you resist spending time with the children and give them attention only when and as required, the harder it is.
When you are fully attentive and present, embracing your children for who they are in their current stage, you will be able to predict and prevent most of those things and will be the one in control of the situation.

You need more boundaries with the kids. You don’t exist to entertain them. Keep the telly off and leave them in the garden to play.

they eat what they are given. They can entertain themselves. Don’t resort to screens or they won’t develop the ability to be bored!!

No sage advice to offer, just wanted to say that I hear you, I felt very similar. It DOES get better as they get older and get more independent, but when they're 5 and 3.5 that time seems impossibly far away.

Agree with PPs that your DH really needs to step up a bit. Is it strategic incompetence, do you think?

Thank you for your positive post. I am so stressed and so overwhelmed that I am really struggling to find anything fun in my life right now. Yes we do take them out but even this is too exhausting with them constantly wanting attention, asking for ice cream and stuff… I guess I do need to find the strength to be focused more on them, I am just struggling a lot at the moment

No he is genuinely overwhelmed and he shuts down

I wish I could use screens!!! I offer TV and they say they don’t want to watch TV they want to play with me. I can’t play 24/7!

We are all overwhelmed at times, doesn't mean we give up parenting, FFS

I agree with you and this is usually the way I look at things. I am just struggling at the minute

They can’t regulate themselves when they are hungry

My five year old says he misses me when he's at at school. He still goes to school (obviously). You just say 'Ahh I miss you too, you go to X and have fun and I'll see you later.'

I understand being worried about their nutrition, but if all they'll eat is plain pasta then that's all they'll eat, regardless of where they are. And presumably they eat what's offered at school and nursery?

Have you tried saying you'll play for 10 minutes and then you need to do X. And you put your phone away, really focus on what they're doing, and give them all your attention for those 10 minutes. You can set an alarm if you want, then it's the alarm causing you to stop.

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you wanted to throw yourself out the window? Because I would love to know how you overcame this. Because that’s exactly what I was thinking to do yesterday for a split moment, and so grateful that I can express this on here without judgement x

@ithinkineehelp oxygen first rule. You need to sit down carve time for you, s walk coffee with a friend.

You cannot keep going to an empty well. This is for your children. Both parents hitting the wall will impact on the children enormously. Their father giving them sweets while you are out less so.

I promise you that respite will help.

There's your answer then op

I can't quote a quote on the app

They are being like this as you let them

Be firm. Boundaries

What does 5yr eat happily no doubt at school ?

Food is obviously a stressor for you.
What will they eat?
Repetition/bland food is absolutely fine. My DD ate about 5 meals on rotation for years plus almost the same packed lunch forever. She's a teen now and her tastes are finally broadening.

@Blondeshavemorefun jesus harsh much?

because she lets them? In what way? So what is one supposed to do, lock them in the garden and just leave them wailing, screaming and banging on the door to come in? Can you imagine the neighbours MN thread “she’s left her children screaming in the garden”

please can someone tell me how you “make your children get on with it” because believe me, some children just don’t.

Parenting is tricky especially if you don't get any support. If you work full time I would
make an effort to spend an hour or so with them after nursery as undoubtedly they are craving your attention. I just worked part time so I assume cutting work hours isn't an option?

Cut housework to the minimum and set clear boundaries so spend an allotted amount of time with them then say they need to amuse themselves for 15- 30 minutes or whatever. Do they not play independently at all? Don't worry about food but limiting sweet stuff is sensible simply because it can send them hyper.

Havjng a useless DH and workjng full time is difficult with young children so if you can change either of these this would help. can you not just go out for 30 minutes and leave him to cope?

If they can behave at school and no issues then Yes as parents need to step up more

Not harsh at all

@Blondeshavemorefun sorry but that does show you have extremely limited understanding. Children ALWAYS play up more for the primary care giver than in a school environment. Also, many children struggle to hold it all in at school and then release it all at home, “coke bottle effect”.

this doesn’t sound like a case of “not stepping up”. She’s not saying she CBA with them and wants to sit on her phone. She’s on her knees and sounds like literally cannot give anymore. Some children are just harder. Some people have less support. If you’ve been privileged in these ways you can’t draw comparisons to your own experiences.

Course they play up to the main carer - that's their safe person

But

Op hasn't said they have any special needs

I've seen this behaviour many times in over 30yrs of childcare

Yes some may have sn and coke bottle effect as you mention

Many don't and with boundaries and firmness etx plus time to herself as dh does sound useless so she can recharge herself - things will improve

I'm not the only one to mention boundaries

I'm happy to agree to disagree but that's my view

And yes dh does need to help op more

Take one child out

Sounds like op is doing both kids by herself - which may do manage if as have to - but she has a dh

Homestart is a charity which sends out volunteers (usually experienced parents and grandparents) to help you out at home for a couple of hours a week. They have been a lifesaver for some families, who do t have local relatives. Small children are hard work OP, I send you my very best wishes.

www.home-start.org.uk/

I am ok to repeat what they will eat, they eat amazing 5 days per week at childcare. But even then when I put it in front of them they will moan and that pushes me over the edge more than it should. 3.5yo is the main issue. He can go all day without eating anything and that’s an issue because he becomes progressively whinny and annoying, and he still has that screeching baby voice that digs into my brain.

Thank you so much