To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

We used to take it in turns to have a lie in and get breakfast in bed at the weekends in these years. Kept our sanity.

I still had to police it at the beginning and shout a few times that DDs had been allowed to run into the room to keep it sacrosanct. I often wasn't sleeping, just having some peace and quiet to get my head together.

They need rules!

Rubbish. What did the art of being with your children look like when boomer parents were routinely so dreadful that a entire genre of public information films had to be produced because kids would roam free all day, play on railway lines, climb pylons, drown in quarries, throw fireworks snd not have the first idea how to cross a road.

I think the PP was being a tad dramatic, but I do think there's something in there.

So many parents both have to work such long hours just to get by now. They're tired and stressed. The kids want to be with them at weekends and they want to be with the kids too but they've also got to think about the house, food, plan the week ahead. It's just none stop.

Back to the original thread, I disagree with the PP's suggestion scheduling the kids "up to the eyeballs" or hiring a weekend babysitter. The kids want/need quality time with their parents and although overwhelming when you've got so much on, it is normal. Outsourcing cleaning, ironing, gardening etc would be a better solution if feasible as it would take some of the load off and give them more family time.

Oh and the useless husband needs to sort his shite out, obviously.

Why do you need to batch cook if you wfh?

Just a few things. First your husband needs to step up and keep to the rules e.g. healthy breakfast. Next put what they eat on a plate eg. Plain pasta but also some pasta with sauce. Get them to try a bit of everything on the plate. Don't get chocolate etc into they cannot have it. Can you and husband both drop to a 4 day week? To recharge. How are they at school/nursery? Any difficulties there? Can you try to get out of the house more to local park so they can run off energy

@Yerroblemom1923

It says away from home

Are you advocating op starts hitting her children into compliance?

Indeed. It’s such a shame that we have a society and economy where motherhood is so undervalued that women are forced into working full time and outsourcing childcare to end up much more stressed out and overworked than if they were able to experience a more traditional version of motherhood. Very hard to find a man today who wants a) really wants a family and all it entails b) strives to become a provider who values the essential role of mother and is willing to sacrifice for her to be allowed to focus on just that.

I hear you. We (the human species) were NEVER meant to parent alone, all kids piling up on solo mums (yes some have involved partners but unfortunately many men opt out through weaponised incompetence). In all other eras and cultures, parents -in particular mums- band together: relatives, villages, neighbours...

Is there any chance you can make this happen for you? If you know anyone at all who's in the same boat, invite them over for coffee & playdate. That's 2 hours of kids playing/bickering amongst themselves, while you offload to the friend and vice versa. It makes ALL the difference, trust me.

And your husbandmuststep up, no ifs, buts or weaseling out. Threaten with separation if you must. Actually and unfortunately some of my friends did divorce at that life stage because mums couldn't take it all on themselves and that was the only way to get dads wake up and care for their own kids week on, week off 🤷

OP you need to start by looking for the positive’s. Write a list of what do they eat? Ditto what do they like to do out the house and what do they like to do in the house? -Build up a small plan of how your weekend will look and what they will eat.
-Factor in Dad taking them out for 1hour on his own.
-Give each one of them 15mins one on one time per day. I think they’re craving attention.
-plan some easier meals for yourselves. Get in some ready meals and add a bit of broccoli on the side.
Go back to basics OP, I sometimes put one of my kids in the bath with tubs/spoons etc and that can be an hours entertainment whilst keeping them separate. Sit on the hall with the other child playing cars. Get rid of all the toys that end up everywhere.
Be kind to yourself, parenting is hard!xx

Many ways to go with this!

a) swimming lessons- poop them out.
b) ‘honey I’m going out, you have the kids’ then take THE DAY do your arrands and even just find a comfy place at the library. You can do it all and need a day.
c) be an ass. Set boundaries and STick to them. It will take a few weeks.

but you also need ear plugs girl!!! World of a difference. You can still hear the important, but the volume does not get overwhelming.

I am so pleased i choose not to have children.

You’re in the trenches but it does get better.

Is there a way for either parent to finish work a bit early a few days a week so there is a bit more quality time on weekdays too. I remember those days where it was nursery, dinner, bath and bed and it’s not fun, thankfully I only had to do that a few days per week and worked shorter days the rest of the week.

Also if you can get yourself whatever home help you need, food shop deliveries, simple meal for kids and takeaway later for you as a treat, cleaners, ironing person, gardener, some high quality food prep / ready meals, whatever, just to allow you to focus on weekends as family.

I’d also suggest you and DH have alternative weekend mornings as a lie in, stick earplugs and an eye mask on and just get a few extra hours.

If you can also have the odd day where they go to nursery and you’ve got a days annual leave they don’t know about it makes a huge difference, I used to get all dressed as if I was going to work, take them to nursery and then go back to bed for a few hours with a movie and coffee - bliss every few months just to keep you sane as we had no babysitters on hand nearby. 😂

If they eat well at nursery then I’d speak to nursery about some recipe ideas as it’s clearly not a medical issues, it’s something that has become a habit at home, they may not actually be hungry if they are getting snacks. My kids had a few favourites from nursery lunches and I used to recreate them. If you know there are things they like then give that to them with new things to try on the side, eventually they might just try something. Clearing the junk out of the house is something we did after lockdown as we’d fallen into some bad heating habits. If they’re hungry it’s fruit, wee cracker, small bowl of popcorn etc., that way they’re hungry for meals and if you take them to the park etc. treats are okay.

It does get better, they’re just little. Sending strength!

I feel your pain - when my kids were similar ages (2.5 year gap), it felt never ending. I became that shouty mummy that I never wanted to be and felt I was constantly failing but it's just incredibly hard at that age imho. I've definitely cried on the train heading into work before now because I feel guilty for wanting to be at work because it's easier than being home with my babies. It does get a lot easier, although the challenges became about communication and trust as ours got older. Today I don't just love my kids, I really like them (most of the time) and am proud of the young adults they're becoming. You're trying so hard, please be kinder to yourself and see if you can carve out just a tiny bit of time in the week just for you - to go for a coffee, read a book, have a bath/nap, call a friend. Your well-being is so important in this and please believe this phase will pass.
Mine both went through a extended phase of gradually reducing the foods they would eat from the age of about 2.5 or 3 onwards, that only started to reverse when they were about 6 or so. They'd eat fine at the childminders and, latterly, at school, but not at home. The more I stressed about it, the more they reacted so I had to learn to let go.
They're now 17 and 15 and still a bit fussy about some food - for example, they still won't have butter on their bread, only houmous, and don't like any stews or things with sauces, apart from pasta dishes. I focused on what little they would eat, especially with fruit and veg as most of it they wouldn't touch - so cucumber and grapes or apple slices (never whole apples!) for one, cherry tomatoes and bananas for the other. Is there anything like that so you could feel you're getting some good nutrition in them?
If you're going to the park, could you get a couple of wide neck flasks and take some plain pasta with you so there's something that they will eat? I think you said they don't like bread but would they eat rice cakes or crackers or muffins? Do you know if it's a textural thing or do they eat those things elsewhere, just not at home? We still make banana muffins and flapjacks sometimes, sweetened with honey/dates and the bananas that are sweet treats that doesn't feel too bad. I sneak ground nuts into those to up the protein and calorie content too, when needed (allergies permitting). If your DH caves in constantly and doles out snacks, could you just not buy any more so that you removed/reduce temptation?
I understand he feels overwhelmed as I get like that and my DH gets very frustrated with me that I'm not doing stuff when I'm actually almost paralysed with being overwhelmed. If he recognises that he's getting overwhelmed, can he identify what he would be OK to cope with? Taking one of the kids swimming (maybe alternating weeks) so you only have one to deal with perhaps, if that would lessen your load? It doesn't have to be lessons, it could just be a family session so he turns up and pays on the day without you having to organise it?
I really wish you all the best x

I know you say they won’t watch tv but have you tried baby tv? I really don’t know what they do but it is like a kid magnet even to tiny babies. I would also tell your husband you are going out for one hour a day on your own kid free. ( he has a lunch break I’m sure) you need some alone time take yourself for a walk and listen to music or an audio book to unwind. Or even to an empty field to scream!

Perish the thought! I am advocating for OP to sit down and explain the textbook 'Practice guidelines for Physical Health Conditions in Psychiatry' to the little darlings.

A telly tip, don’t have it on all day, it’s not special, there’s no incentive to sit and watch - it’s always there. Leave it off til 3pm- build up to it- let’s choose what to watch, get a snack ready etc. they are more likely to sit and watch if it’s limited rather than on the whole day

Try baby led weaning cookbook fussy toddler app, cook the dish, eat yours and don’t engage with any moaning and cut the sweets

Do they like anything? This is why some kids eat nothing but chicken nuggets or buttered noodles for years. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough.

Ask for help from your DP or leave?

Do one thing each day of the weekend that solely focuses on the kids and one that focuses on you (gym, coffee with friends, spa etc). Get your DP to look after his children.

Who are you batch cooking for? Seems like it's adding more stress to your weekend.

Sounds like you're exhausted and stressed! You need to reassess how your weekends works

First time post on here because I’ve been thinking about your post. I wonder if you’re children are acting up because they want your undivided attention? So I wondered about trying to give them 100% of your time for, say, an hour? No phone, no chores, no mental wandering and no shouting. Read them a story and do the silly voices? Play play doh together? Build a tent or play ball together? And give them loads of (verbal) rewards - good boy for sitting still, well done for asking nicely, good girl for having two bites of food etc etc. It may be the opposite of what you feel like doing (I used to dream of running away) but it can’t be worse than now. And unlike other comments, right now I suspect the last thing you need is a split from DH on top of everything else. Good luck.

Yes to this. Had you thought about ADHD and Autism? This tends to run in families so could also explain the overwhelm you and your husband are feeling, as well as your children's meltdowns. Restricted food likes can be down to sensory needs, so challenging them is not always possible. Investigating this could make a huge difference to how you understand and manage parenting.

I recently discovered one of my teenage sons has both conditions and it made sense of why things could be hard at times when they were younger.

@ithinkineehelp you have had so many comments with tips, strategies, opinions on your husband and parenting how you should be managing this but very few that recognise the impact this is having on your mental health. It sounds like things could be heading towards a crisis point for you with fleeting thoughts of jumping from a window. Even with all of this advice, I think you need some support with your mood and wellbeing before you can start to implement any changes or strategies. I hear that your DH also feels overwhelmed but your need is greater at the moment in my view. I would really recommend going to your GP to request some support and consider handing over to your DH for a weekend. Even if he just gives them sweets/junk for a few days and the house ends up in a mess, everyone is safe and alive. You can't pour from an empty cup OP. Sending you positive thoughts ✨️

You are burnt out and need a break.