To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

I was also thinking ND here. Your kids sound like my little boy, and I find weekends bloody awful for the same reasons you listed. Won't eat,won't watch TV, panics if I'm out of sight or not playing with him 24/7. He's getting tested for autism. Again, perfectly behaved at school.

This is so dismissive of parenting problems.

not everyone has family/friends near
by to support, guide or help with parenting.

We’re all winging it here surely?

Not everyone knows how hard it is:
and not everyone has supportive partners. Bit of kindness wouldn’t go amiss.

so many perfect parents here jeeeeez

I agree with this

Said similar

But apparently I'm a heartless
Person and kids react at home after keeping their emotions in at school /nursery and then at home

Yes some kids are like this

But I still say from what op has said there are no sn issues and her kids take the piss as no boundaries and winge and whine and won't eat food they happily eat with other adults as know they will get snacks if they moan enough

No ‘diagnosed’ SN conditions.

With the exclusion of op the whole family sounds ADHD to me ( bitter experience)

I'm guessing op isn't coming back

I kinda understand that

Many have said deal with it. Sort your kids out

A lot of it is a dh problem. If he stopped giving snacks they may eat better

I think they go to bed too late for their age and maybe overtired and bed by 7 not 8

I discovered this a couple of years ago when I lost my voice for a week with a virus (while 8 months pregnant). All I could do was whisper at my very loud and very full on four year old DS and to my amazement, after a couple of days, he whispered to me whenever he wanted something. It didn’t last because I can’t remember to whisper but the impact it had on him was a revelation.

Honestly lovely it sounds like you’re both completely overwhelmed and need some help. If the baby sitter helped when you were away why not have them in addition for a short period - even if it’s for meals / housework / shopping so you can focus on the children or shop in peace. I agree they’re looking for connection and you need to get ahead with this but it feels like maybe you’re struggling too much to do this alone right now. My advise would be to speak to you GP and Health visitor so yours and your husbands mental health can be supported as well as the children’s needs eg around food. Sending love!

Do you work 8-6 every day because you need the money or for your career? If you've got spare income, outsource what you can or cut your hours till they are older. We've got a cleaner who comes 2 hours a week and it's a godsend. I LOVE coming home from work to a lovely house, especially as it was a shitshow when I left.
Have you heard of division of responsibility? It's your responsibility to provide something they'll eat but it's theirs to eat it. Ours also mostly eat well at nursery but then it's usually plain pasta and beans for tea at home. Having said that, your husband is sabotaging everyone with the junk, we found a similar problem starting to happen as their sugary snack intake increased, we've cut it back down again, and if they haven't eaten anything "proper" they don't get junk. We do chocolate or ice cream as bedtime snack so we can withhold it if behaviour is bad. Your kids have learnt they can whine their way to victory so you're going to have to cope with short term pain till they learn. If it was me, I'd be binning any junk food I found until your husband learns to stop undermining you.
Do you know any children who can do playdates with you, I find they are much easier with friends as they just run off and play whereas if it's just my 2 they are more needy. I know you shouldn't have to, but taking them both out for playdates will give your usband a break and hopefully he can pull himself together a bit. Having friends eating with them also encourages them to eat better, ours ate bolognaise with their friends this weekend. That would never happen if it was just us.

If dh isn't doing his bit you're working 24/7 and he only does 9-5 5 days a week. Can you do part time? You need a break. They're in care for a long time they might be missing you. I find doing full time is just unfair on the mother.

I found the least effort foods to be most eaten ie raw carrots, microwaved frozen peas, wheatabix... until they learn more sophisticated tastes.

Also shouting never worked for me. I hold them still until compliance happens. No matter how much wailing. Make them make eye contact so they understand you mean business.

Good luck

It's not easy we all struggle sometimes xXx

You poor woman. Your kids are hard work but your pathetic husband is making it impossible.

I would honestly just give them the food you know they will eat, they are eating well during the week at childcare. You need to pick your battles and you are so over whelmed with everything else. You should take it in turns at weekends taking them out, soft play for a few hours one day and park or cinema another . Also maybe a cleaner if finances allow? Give you less to do at the weekends? Condensing your hours at work or asking for a WLB and the you have more free time in the week when they are at school? It is awful when you feel like you do 😢

Boys need to be doing sport at that age, something to wear them out and they also need fresh air. Re food just get rid of all the junk from the house so DH can’t give it to them. If they are hungry they will eat. My LO is fussy with bananas, will usually reject them at home as he knows there is other stuff to eat. When we go out usually only take bananas and guess what , as there is nothing else he’ll happily eat the banana. It does sound like you need to train husband first and foremost.

My only bit of advice is to read Unconditional Parenting but Alfie Coen, get yourself some loop earplugs to help with the sensory overload, and get hubby some therapy.

Mine are 6 and 3 (almost 4 year age gap) and this past holiday was the best it’s been, so it does get easier, eventually.

A couple of things to consider,
*is the 5 year old at school? If so, can you organise a play date with a school friend, the change of environment can help
*what do they eat? Whatever it is, fruit, cereal, chocolate, just feed them that. Sounds crazy but nothing is so unhealthy it will kill them before they get sick of it (yes I know this is not fantastic dietary advice but again as a mum who has been there, I found my toddler got bored of only eating toast way before she was poorly from it)
*also if your children are at school or nursery, find out what they eat and if you can, where they buy their ingredients. Again my toddler will eat thirds of ‘curry’ at nursery but won’t touch mine. Turns out they use one Tesco curry jar sauce and once I switched to this she couldn’t get enough.

finally, again from a point of experience, useless husbands are as useless as you let them be. Mine was useless for the first few years until it transpires he had Post Natal depression in the early months and literally did.not.know.what.to.do. I had to write him lists and give him really specific instructions, and yes I was resentful and annoyed that i had a man child but he’s found his groove and no he still can’t tell what are pj’s and asks me everyday if the children have brushed their teeth but he is immensely helpful in lifts, washing, packed lunches etc

hope this helps a bit but please know you are not the only one and anyone that says they love their kids 24/7 is lying 😂

Sounds a bit like my 4 year old when I haven't been giving him enough attention (or the level he would like at least) and he'll use anything to annoy me to give him attention (sounds like maybe the refusing food could be part of that)? I totally get that feeling of not wanting to play and being totally touched out- I found it useful to set an actual timer on my phone (or use the stopwatch if you don't want an alarm to go off) and set yourself a block of time where you will play with them totally focused, no phone or secretly also tidying whilst playing etc. Even if it's only 10 mins, ideally maybe like 20-30 mins. Put on some music and have a dance party, play along with whatever mad game they are playing, do rough and tumble, read them a book, play hide and seek- whatever it is they want to do. And then when that's up you are totally fine to go and get on with your jobs and hold the boundary of they now need to occupy themselves with either playing, telly or whatever. I find they are much happier and accepting of this when we've done some properly focused playing, and I feel less guilty and also am able to actually focus better on the playing when I know it's for a set amount of time.

Also agree, getting out into the woods is also a game changer for us. Don't need to go far or stay out for long. Just take some crisps, biscuits and fruit if that's all they'll eat, a rug, and have a short walk, long picnic as we like to call them.

Call on extra childcare (paid if needed and possible) if at all possible, even if only for a couple of hours to allow you to get on with some jobs/sit in the bath and stare at your phone for an hour.

And yeah, tell your husband to sort his shit out. See a therapist if he needs one, discuss what he needs to help him feel less overwhelmed. And also think about talking to someone yourself- especially if you are really feeling at a point where you are feeling like you cannot cope at all. And have the same conversation with him to discuss what you need to feel less overwhelmed (time to exercise, have a bath, help with specific tasks etc.) Good luck x

Would they watch a film with you? You might get an hour respite by pretending to watch a film with them. It will give them some contact (snuggle up) and you might be able to doze on and off a bit.

I used to make a blanket den. Games that seemed boring on the outside take on a magical quality inside a den and might keep them interested for longer. (Add torches maybe)

Another random thing that used to create a lengthy bit of fun was bringing a mattress downstairs and putting it in the living room. They can jump, do forward rolls, play etc. Just the novelty of it makes it interesting. And if they ask for it again, you can say "only when all the toys are sorted and tidied away. When the living room is completely tidy then you can have the mattress for gymnastics".

Also ask neighbours to keep large cardboard boxes for you, the bigger the better. They can create hours of fun. (Boat/ house/shop/ castle). Cutting a hole in one side and giving them 'ice creams' to sell to each other through the 'hatch'. Ice creams, in our case, were wooden building block cubes balanced in the end of empty toilet roll tubes. Red cubes were strawberry, green was mint, yellow was vanilla and blue can't remember.

In terms of immediate options for a rest or at least a break to do your cooking, could you maybe find a local teenager who likes little kids and have them 'babysit' in your house while you are at home? Eg Saturday morning for 3 hours? We used to have a neighbours daughter come in and play with ours - they loved her and whatever she played with them. She had no real responsibility as we were right there but she kept them occupied and earned a bit of money.

Don't worry about a healthy diet for a bit, it sounds like you don't have the spare energy to worry about that right now. You clearly want your kids to eat properly so I'm sure it's something you'll work out when you've got some energy back. For now if it's plain pasta so be it.

Will they eat vitamin/ mineral tablets? Or could you whizz one up in a smoothie or milkshake? That might make you worry less about things for now until you can get their diet sorted.

I hope you are not doing any ironing and only washing undies/ socks and things that are actually dirty for the kids? They don't need their school uniform washed every day.

Can you go to bed when the kids go to bed to catch up on a bit of sleep?

How many days holiday do you get a year? Could you take a day every fortnight during school term time and just rest and relax when they go to school. If husband complains tell him you've got no choice, you need to recharge your batteries.

The ages your children are at now is definitely one of the hardest times. Your 3.5 year old will be developing a mind of their own which often makes the older child struggle as they were the boss until then. But as your younger one develops the skills to negotiate and interact more positively with the 5 year old, things will get better.

I hope you get some answers that help you, even if just a little bit. And once you've had a much needed rest you'll be better placed to think about other issues.

Good luck

Hi @ithinkineehelp I haven’t read the full thread but I wanted to offer sympathy. I completely get it as I also work full time and it is utterly overwhelming to have the nonstop caring duties the entire weekend. Is it an option for you to bring in a lovely babysitter at 4pm or 5pm on a Saturday and you go out and stay out until late (and babysitter does bedtime)? Sometimes knowing that you will be off at 4pm completely can help massively. You can go out alone at 4pm for your nail appointment or whatever and then your DH can join you at 8pm for dinner or something). Best of luck. X

I think she needs to do the absolute opposite of this! Schedule them up to the eyeballs? They’re already out of the house every single day at least from 8am-6pm. It’s too much. One child is 3, he’s doing more than a working day at 3! My 3 year old is in bed by 6pm. They are tired, exhausted, so is OP. Hire a nanny? So their parents don’t see them on weekends as-well as the week?

Don’t schedule them more activities, they’re never home as it is.

Mine are 5 and 3 and i feel the same. Mental health is in a bad way and Physically and mentally shattered all the time. I love my kids but do not like parenting young kids. I try to fight it and be involved as much as possible but honestly im glad to go back to work Monday. Can’t remember last time i looked forward to a weekend unless we have something on which helps occupy them.

Absolutely feel for OP, but all I can say is that it’ll soon pass.

We have 4 girls (21,19,10 & 7). We’ve also gone through the godawful tough stages that you describe…TWICE. They have passed now though. The big ones are in uni (hardly notice them in the house anymore aside from their contributions to linen basket), and younger ones have started to do their own thing. They get themselves up in the morning, make breakfast, and happily chill out til we get up. It’s easy to bring them anywhere too, in fact they’re a help when we’re grocery shopping. Also, if they eat well 5 days a week at nursery i’d say they’re doing just fine, most likely just pushing the boundaries with Mum and Dad. Don’t stress too much over diet. They’re healthy.

A few more years and you’ll feel normal again, hang in there x

In this world where both parents have to work in order to survive and women especially must keep their careers on track I think the art of ‘being’ with your children has been lost. At every stage an outside agency looks after the children so that when parents are in charge they simply don’t know how. It’s especially bad if the fathers make no effort.

Do you give them a choice of what to have for meals?

Could you say - do you want this .... or this .... for lunch? And then put on a separate plate on the table something extra ...eg .like a bread stick so they get used to seeing it... and maybe eventually try it

Do you genuinely believe people have an accurate picture of how tiring and hard parenting can be before they have children? I certainly didn’t. I tried to mentally prepare for it, I’d heard about it and I’d witnessed it in others but I’ve discovered levels of exhaustion and overwhelm as a parent that honestly didn’t think were possible whilst still being expected to function in life and hold down a job. My day job is a thousand times easier than my primary job of being a parent.

I don't think it's easy to convey the feeling of relentlessness to another person.