To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

It's different.

Just hold that thought!

OP I know a load of people have said about the food but honestjy I would throw the snacks away. Just don’t but any more except healthy things like fruit and cheese. Just ditch the UPF carbs - they will be making everything worse. Don’t even have them in the house. Abd start the day with a high protein breakfast like omelette, bacon sandwich, plain yoghurt and fruit. No carb-y cereals for you and DH either. It will get you all off to the right start

@MintTraybake If they won't eat - let them eat nothing. you can involve them in the food planning, or prep and/or cooking, and then that is their only option. They will not starve to death - speak to Health Visitor or doctor to confirm.

I one hundred percent, wholeheartedly disagree with this

didn't want to read and run so just sending a massive mum-hug for you - I've been there, my kids are now 9, 12 and 13 and whilst those ages have their own problems they are most definitely more independent and can 'entertain' themselves (in fact there's days when I feel like I rarely see them!).

Could your OH at least get on your side about the snacks?

You don't seem particularly willing to take on board any of the excellent advice offered here OP. No one can wave a magic wand and make it easier for you.
TBH, and I'll be flamed for this, your kids are running rings around you. They know exactly how to manipulate you. They don't have issues with eating, and if they eat brilliantly at other settings they are taking the piss. I would not be bowing down to that, cook them food they will eat elsewhere, serve it and don't say anything to them. Just eat yours and completely ignore behaviour. They are using it as power, stop letting them. They might go hungry for a meal or two -so what?! let them. If you don't eat at a table and its possible then start. Don't engage when they are whiny and acting up.
If you are busy tell them. Say 'can you guys play by yourselves for a bit as I have a couple of things to do, then we can do X,Y,Z together'. Don't reward them with shit food.

But they eat absolutely fine when with other people! It isn't a food issue, it is a control issue.

Love the username though @Nanny0gg !

Step back.

well back.

Kids don't eat? Who gives a shit
kids are having a tantrum? Ignore them

"I just need them to eat the food I make them"

No you don't.

"and watch TV without talking to me for an hour!"

No you don't. leave the room.

If your kids are safe - you can leave them alone! They can go without food until they are hungry THEY WILL NOT DIE

Why? This is a control thing from the kids - stop playing their game and they WILL come around.

I promise it will get easier. I remember when I had an 8 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old and it was awful. I felt very similarly to you now and my DH was good with them. Now the youngest is 13, me and two of the older ones have just been quietly chatting and cooking pizza, the youngest and the eldest are both playing video games with their friends. The house is tody and quiet, not very clean but you can't have everything. My teens have bought their own challenges, and have not always been easy at all but I wouldn't swap them and genuinely enjoy their company most of the time now.

Have you thought about going 4 days a week at work? When I was in a similar situation I did and it allowed me a day to do housework etc and have a bit of me time so I wasn't so stressed out trying to do it all. Meant more quality time with kidd and behaviour improved. Due to less tax a drop to 4 days doesn't mean as big a salary drop as you might think

We’ve struggled with picky eating too. We got advice and basically you have to offer one of their safe foods on the plate with the other foods you’d like them to eat. And don’t say anything at all, if they don’t eat it just take the plate away. And repeat! It’s worked for us and now our daughter at least tries what’s on her plate and that’s good enough for me.

I have and 8 and 9 year old DS, and I’m with you 100%.

The weather is shit, and everything indoors costs a fortune.

I try to get them out for a walk or take them the park, but they moan about the weather and being cold.

They have no interest in baking. My oldest loves Lego, but as soon as he starts building it my youngest destroys it (he’s SEN).

I spend all weekend battling with them to do their homework, and pulling them apart and telling them to keep their hands to themselves, it’s a nightmare.

Schedule them up to the eyeballs in physically exhausting activities and hire a nanny or a Manny to take them for some of the time.

I remember thinking my son wouldn't eat tomatoes. Then one day we went for lunch at my aunt's and she had laid the table with little things. Cherry tomatoes in a dish and lots of other bits. My son just began helping himself so I learnt to put things out for him to choose rather than on his plate. It surprised me what he would eat and it really opened up my options. Might be worth a try?

Hey OP
First, hugs. I understand you totally. Second, it eventually gets a little easier (my boys are now 8 and 9 and the girls 13 and 15). That doesn’t help much when you are in the thick
of it though.
give yourself a break - don’t worry so much about balanced meals etc for the kids at the
moment, go with Fed is best. Our doctor told me that he only ate marmite sandwiches and cookies until he was 6 years old and he turned out fine. Just give them what they will eat, even if it is plain pasta, or toast, or cereal or even pot noodles and then pick up a couple of ready meals for you and DH in the week. As others have said, book them into some sort of activity for an hour. I suspect (and I may be wrong) that some of your reluctance to do so, and make them
keep going is mum guilt (you feel you work full time in the week so should spend all your weekends with them etc). Also make your DH step up, tell him he is taking them to the park for an hour to kick a ball and spend that hour relaxing (not cleaning, cooking, shopping etc unless that’s what really floats your boat lol!). Have you any friends you could meet for a play date with the kids or friend a you can meet for a drink or coffee without the kids? I also suspect, and I am not medically qualified at all, but you may have depression. I only say this because you sound exactly like me the last couple of years. I just wanted to disappear, for it all to stop.
huge hugs, and deep breathes. Good luck.

I agree with the comment about children needing other children.

Modern life is not normal - it's not how children evolved to grow up.

Children need and benefit from company of other kids - not adults giving them undivided attention. Start efforts to build a network - put a message in the classwhatsapp - be honest - say, he going a bit nuts going to be in the park saturday at 9am - anyone around??? Fellow crazed parents will join you.

Get up on a Saturday or Sunday morning, lock yourself in the bathroom for a shower and leave the house, go for breakfast then spend the day window shopping, stop for a cuppa and some lunch, go see a movie. Leave the boys with dad and get yourself some respite!! Don't think, just do!

I hear you! It’s draining and overwhelming to feel these little lives depend on you. Two Instagram accounts I’ve found really helpful are ‘5 minute mum’ and ‘kids eat in colour’

I sometimes have to dig really deep to find the energy to give them 5 minutes of connection and attention but I do find it really helps when they’re whiny and clingy to just put down whatever I’m doing, give them 5 minutes of me and then I can often back away slowly and leave them to it. It’s kind of like I’ve topped them up with connection and filled their cup up a bit. It takes a while to embed. I have a fellow screen refuser and it can be exhausting. I envy friends who say they can’t get their kids away from screens!!

If your 2 are eating well at nursery then stick with safe foods on a weekend. Do what you need to do to keep everyone fed as best you can and yourself as sane as you can.

The fact that you’re acknowledging this and saying you want to do better tells me you’re a great mum you needs some rest. I can relate to everything you’re saying here.

My two boys are also 5 and 3 and I work 4.5 days a week. I absolutely understand the feeling that all the suggestions are just more hassle - that you can't summon up the energy to cook pasta for a picnic and that's it easier to not bother. We feel like that loads too. But our mantra is 'it's always better to get out!'. If you can push through and find the bit of energy, everything really is so much better if you take them out.

Really bloody helpful. 🙄

Oh dear. All this sounds a nightmare. I sometimes wonder why folk have kids when they surely must know how tiring they are and how difficult being a parent can be.

My suggestion is to try to give them some hobbies - get them painting, reading, dancing whatever. Give them projects. Kids love doing stuff and especially together.

And set boundaries, be a bit tougher and don't yell - that will only exacerbate the problem.

I was just thinking last weekend when my DS visited with my DGS6 and DGD4 how much better they are to be around . They are so much easier now almost like a switch ! I'm sure if you just hand on your will be the same ? Can they do separate activities a little ? That may help ? Can GPs be involved at all ? Keep strong I'm sure you're doing a great job and things will improve soon .

Someone earlier mentioned Homestart.
I have no personal experience as I don’t have children but I do know several volunteers locally.

They are all kindly and sensible and I would certainly consider investigating the help they can offer if I was in your shoes.
I do feel for you 💐