First time mums who have jobs requiring them to work 80-120hrs a week - advice please

[wowihaveagardennow]

I've just been given an interview for my dream job which I have been trying to get for a few years now. I apply to these posts as and when they pop up and sort of do it on autopilot.

However, for the first time in my life I am unsure about it. I am a first time mum, at the end of extending my maternity leave. It was extended because a) I have separation anxiety b) could afford to take a little longer c) I genuinely considered taking off another year but then backtracked because I was worried it would be too tricky for me to get back into work d) I need more time to find childcare that I'm happy with. Anyway, after a lot of indecision, I've decided I would like to try with my career and not become a SAHM.

I want to cry when I think about leaving DC to someone else for almost the entire day. But women need to still work and babies get looked aftered is what I'm telling myself.

And so that's the background. I know it's only an interview and I may not get the job but the job description says to be willing to work weekends and evenings. Is this possible? For anyone that's done this, did it really negatively impact your relationship/bonding with your child? And most importantly, how did you make it work? What sort of childcare did you use?

I would love any advice here. I grew up with one parent always at home and I don't really know anybody who is climbing the corporate ladder so to speak and I have no idea how mums do this (or maybe it's rare and mums just don't go there because it's not the right time!)

TIA x

I really do not want my DC to suffer because of me.

The vast majority of children don’t have investment bankers for parents and don’t “suffer” as a result, for goodness sakes.

you clearly have your wits about you to do well, and your husband too in c-suite level roles. Your child will be fine without you earning megabucks (and nearly killing your self to do so).

you could have an au pair from the same culture as you and ask them to speak that language with your children, if that were you main concern I think it’s resolvable

I completely agree, @Ineffable23 and @haXXor. much better to have twice as many people, doing half the hours, being paid say 60% of the original wage, and they would achieve far more as they would be functioning better. I used to thrive under stress, so long hours etc was fine, but it went so much beyond that and into the realms of the ridiculous.

Let me see. Pay the mortgage? Feed the kids? Keep them warm?

I'm more worried about your separation anxiety, irrespective of whether you get this job or not. Are you having counselling? What have they suggested re how to make this better? I'm not an anxious person so struggle to understand it, but I have enough empathy and experience to know it's damaging, not just to you, but to your child aswell. Please get support on that.

Well you'd need to have at least two nannies working shifts to cover those hours. Seems crazy .

Much better to have twice as many people, doing half the hours, being paid say 60% of the original wage, and they would achieve far more as they would be functioning better.

Sounds sensible in principle but that's adding to their fixed cost base, whereas bonuses are discretionary so can be pared back in leaner times. There was a lot of hire and fire as it was, particularly at more senior levels (calls from meeting room 13 always spelled disaster).

That was the other bad thing about corporate finance. At our firm it was hard to leave your job without leaving behind some of your bonus so you end up stuck on the treadmill. (Unless you persuade your new employer to pay it as a joining bonus).

I suggest that, instead of working for companies like banks that gamble with other people's money and increase the number of people in debt, people get a STEM job and add utility to the world. In doing so, you get to work more sensible hours for a fixed salary that doesn't get pared back when the shareholders want more money.

Adding to the body of human knowledge by supporting academic research or building a useful building are both great reasons for me to get out of bed in the morning. Whereas the people who missold PPI and lend people money they can't afford to repay should be ashamed of themselves.

Someone has already suggested this but I came on to say employ a Nanny from the same background as yourself. If you are in London I assume that will be very easy. You can also ask a nanny agency to recruit ones from abroad I also assume if you are willing to stump out whatever financial rules this gov now has in place to try and prevent people working in the UK

Whereas the people who missold PPI and lend people money they can't afford to repay should be ashamed of themselves.

That's retail banking. Our clients were private equity firms and corporates, not individuals, and in any case, advisory only, no lending. Nothing to do with the GFC eIther or related in any way to the U.K. government bailouts.

Financial services contributes about 10% of GDP and a fair whack in terms of corporate and personal tax, it's not the work of the devil. STEM careers are also valuable.

Yeah, fair enough. My apologies for not recognising the difference.

I am all for mums going back to work. I work full time myself and it hasn't impacted my bond with my son and I have many relatives who had working mums and who are all very close.

However I "only" work 35 hours a week and see my son for 2 hours in the morning and evening as well as annual leave etc. A job working 80-120 hours seems absolutely insane to me through. I can't see how that would benefit your health or how you would even see your child at all in that time. I couldn't hack being a SAHM but I still enjoy seeing my son and spending time with him! Working hours like that, I can't see how at all you'd manage to balance a family life. I don't think children are harmed by working parents but there is a line somewhere to be drawb in my opinion and working 10-12 hours each day all the time would surely impact on relationship between child and parent.

Yeah, fair enough. My apologies for not recognising the difference.

No worries, I'm probably a bit over sensitive as often everyone and anyone in IB gets blamed for the GFC whereas it was a discrete sub-sector (and principally originated in the US).

OP I was exactly the the same as you when I returned from maternity leave. I too extended because I wasn't ready to leave my baby, I too had challenges reconciling my formerly ambitious self and continued interest in busy challenging roles with the reality of being a parent. Realistically, I don't believe you can work really long hours all the time without harming the bond you have with your children. But I don't think that needs to be the death of ambition, I left my previous job where there was very low support for work life balance and having a family whilst also being in a senior role. I now work in an environment where flexibility is massive, support is great, and I've been promoted into a job I really enjoy. Like you, it's not what childless me would have had on paper as my dream job but it's still challenging and interesting, and I don't feel I have to abandon my children to be successful in it. That's worth its weight in gold.

Can you do it part time? That gets you the role but also some life? Big companies should be up for this.

What kind of salary does the role come with? Those hours are insane, what is the point in life if all you do is work. You'd certainly have no relationship with your child, which would be incredibly sad. We have 3 children and each have 6-figure salaries, but around 40 hours a week (more for specific deadlines but not often). I've dropped down to 3 days to get a better balance, and my DH does 1 shorter day. We get by with very little childcare required for our school age children, because we've each built up a lot of respect with our employers, so our jobs are very flexible. "Having it all" is all about flexibility in my opinion, logging back on after bedtimes etc, so you're maxing time with kids.

Likewise I am sensitive about lending malpractice, having had my suicidal sister on the phone at 1am because she couldn't see her way out of the debt that her now ex-H had run up in both their names.

There's a place in the world for responsible finance.

But part time from 80- 120 hours might be 60 hours...?