First time mums who have jobs requiring them to work 80-120hrs a week - advice please

[wowihaveagardennow]

I've just been given an interview for my dream job which I have been trying to get for a few years now. I apply to these posts as and when they pop up and sort of do it on autopilot.

However, for the first time in my life I am unsure about it. I am a first time mum, at the end of extending my maternity leave. It was extended because a) I have separation anxiety b) could afford to take a little longer c) I genuinely considered taking off another year but then backtracked because I was worried it would be too tricky for me to get back into work d) I need more time to find childcare that I'm happy with. Anyway, after a lot of indecision, I've decided I would like to try with my career and not become a SAHM.

I want to cry when I think about leaving DC to someone else for almost the entire day. But women need to still work and babies get looked aftered is what I'm telling myself.

And so that's the background. I know it's only an interview and I may not get the job but the job description says to be willing to work weekends and evenings. Is this possible? For anyone that's done this, did it really negatively impact your relationship/bonding with your child? And most importantly, how did you make it work? What sort of childcare did you use?

I would love any advice here. I grew up with one parent always at home and I don't really know anybody who is climbing the corporate ladder so to speak and I have no idea how mums do this (or maybe it's rare and mums just don't go there because it's not the right time!)

TIA x

In my old job I worked 26 days out of 28. 8 till 7 in the lab/office and another hour or so at home Monday to Friday. On Saturday and Sunday I worked at home and sometimes in the office /lab 10 till 3 on a good day some times until 5. I did this for the last 2 years so I could qualify. I easily did 70h a week and it broke me. I didn't have a child to look after and my partner having already done it himself was at home in the evenings and did the cooking and cleaning. All I did was eat sleep and work. I was on sleeping tablets as I was living on my nerves and struggled to sleep as I'm bipolar this is crucial for my sanity. I wouldn't do 70h routinely with a young child. I would definitely double check the details to make sure you have it right.

You can opt out of the 48 hour limit but not the rest periods (minimum 11 hours between shifts and a 24 hour break per week or 48 in a fortnight.

168 - 24 (min rest break) - (6*11) (rest break between shifts) = 78 hours.

I had my dream job when I got pregnant that required long working hours and some weekends. I would go to work, go to the gym and then get home at 9:30 most nights. My baby is 12 weeks old and I have just told them I will not be returning. I don’t see how you can possible work a job like this if you have a baby, especially if you’re in the position to not have to.

Why do people have babies if they don't actually want to see them or bring them up. I feel so sad for all the babies put in nurseries all day every day

I’m a junior doctor. I, not infrequently, work 60-70 hour weeks. Those weeks are hideous. I really miss the kids and it feels like it takes ages to catch up after. I’m inevitably ill after a weekend on call.

There is no way I’d accept a job with the sort of hours you describe with small kids.

Just don’t do it. You get one life.

I wouldn’t be doing this when going back from maternity leave. Just get used to work and baby and leave a challenge for a tiny bit later…

Why on earth would working that many hours be anyone’s dream job?

There is not enough money in the world that would make me do that. My husband was working 60-70 hours a week during covid (from home) and it nearly broke us. We had an 18 month old and I was furloughed, and it was still far far too much with no room for work life balance. A miserable existence rather than a life. No thanks!

17 hours a day, 7 days a week?

No you can't do that with a baby. Why woukd you want to?

Beyond even the practicalities, you’d need to seriously consider how this would impact your relationship with your dc.

There was a similar thread here recently, and another poster said she had a friend who worked all the hours god sent, with a nanny as support.

She had to come to terms that she was not only not the Default Parent anymore, she wasn’t even one of the main carers. When the dc were sick, they wanted the nanny. When they wanted to show off a drawing or sing a song, they went to the nanny. Rinse and repeat.

I think most parents look back and recognise they could’ve made some different choices, but there’s no way I’d ever wish I spent more time at work while the kids were little.

You’re an MMB management consultant? either very senior (partner with revenue target in excess of millions and a pay check to match) or junior enough to be fighting for promotion every year.

my advice is leave.
find a job at a small boutique firm or go industry side

i was working in excess of 10 hours a day 5 days a week with a baby in nursery.
had a break down.

not worth it.

i earn more money these days and work fewer hours.
socialise with more senior women and ignore the finance bro Willy wavers

When my dc where little a wise woman said to me that the days are long but the years are short. And she was right mostly - blink and they are suddenly grown up and being more independent.

I've often gone back to that advice when weighing up decisions around home/work life balance. Ultimately only you can decide what's best and whilst I am passionate about my career, for me my dc were my priority.

Saying all that there are usually ways to make things work but I'd think very carefully before doing those kind of work hours.

If it is a financial/legal job, the kicker isn't so much in the hours but in the lack of predictability. I've done a job like that and I used to go to work in the mornings with no idea of when/if I would be leaving in the evening. Once I stayed 36 hours at work without leaving and just a couple of hours' sleep in the corner of the canteen.

This was pre-kids. Tbh I'm not sure how I would have made the childcare work with kids. Most of my colleagues with kids either had a SAHP, or a parent with a "normal" job and nanny.

OP?

Hello everyone, I'm sorry for the debate on hours.
The job spec says "must be comfortable working weekends and evenings".

It's an investment banking role. I probably did miscalculate, but it was still a figure I found online. Apologies if it is wildly wrong but I am still under the impression that it's long hours.

I feel a bit sad and torn as it's something I really have been trying to get into for a while, but maybe it is too late in the game for me. Maybe I won't get past the initial stages of interview... Or maybe I just do the interview for experience some time in the future.

I wanted to make a salary that meant I would be comfortable for my retirement and set up my DC's future. I appreciate it can be done on a lot less but i suppose it was a sort of dream I thought I'd try make happen.

Also, it was something I wanted to do short term (maybe 5ish years) in order to get a more senior role in industry.

That seems to be quite a jump from separation anxiety and not wanting to leave DC at all to working 80+ hours per week. I’d pass and go for a normal 36 - 40h full time job.

Partner as SAHP is the only way. The childcare just doesn't exist otherwise (unless you're making 3 wraparound nannies type money). You, cannot have it all. Your DC would pay the price.

Are you sure it’s not badly written and means being flexible to work weekends/extra as required.

My role requires flexibility, traveling etc. is par for the course, also includes occasionally traveling at a weekend to be somewhere for Monday. I don’t get paid for that in terms of overtime due to the level I work at, but have autonomy in role to take back my time at a later date etc.

I worked in investment banking (corporate finance) and the hours were as you describe. It was interesting work and very lucrative (some of my more successful colleagues earned multi-million pound bonuses) but relentless.

The hours were bad enough but it was the lack of visibility that was worse in terms of having to pull out of social commitments and holidays with no notice. I went into a non client facing role when I had kids as I'd never really have seen them.

I'm a big believer in women climbing the corporate ladder. I'm also a big believer in anyone putting their career on hold whilst they have small children, especially if the idea of leaving your child is making you so anxious. By "on hold", I don't mean quit, I mean just stay where you are for a few years, without pushing your grade. I probably stayed 5 years longer in the job I took maternity leave from than I ought, and yes I got bored of it (but I was really, really good at it). A year before my youngest started secondary school, a good job came up; I applied but didn't get it. I asked for feedback and worked on weak points. The next time a job came up, my application was ready, and I got it. A year later I applied for a promotion and got it. I have zipped up grades in the last couple of years, and am probably where I'd be if I hadn't stalled for 5 years. I probably could have "played" my career better, but I do not regret one minute of keeping myself relatively flexible, part time, unstressed and available to my family.

You've taken extended mat leave due to separation anxiety and now you want to work all the hours god sends?

I don't understand this thought process

Nobody can really be an involved parent if they are working an average of 100 hours per week. You just can't be there enough. Children need you to spend time with them.

@wowihaveagardennow just read it’s investment banking - we need more women! It is hard but most women in that sector, as you may already know, will have a nanny.

Go for the interview - you may be able to change things too! Good luck.

You have gone zero to 100.
SAHP to a job with ridiculous hours and potentially pressure.

Can you find something interesting in the middle that is perhaps part-time and a happy medium?

If you already have separation anxiety I don't know how you could cope (I couldn't , without the anxiety) barely seeing your baby? This would be so tough!