First time mums who have jobs requiring them to work 80-120hrs a week - advice please

[wowihaveagardennow]

I've just been given an interview for my dream job which I have been trying to get for a few years now. I apply to these posts as and when they pop up and sort of do it on autopilot.

However, for the first time in my life I am unsure about it. I am a first time mum, at the end of extending my maternity leave. It was extended because a) I have separation anxiety b) could afford to take a little longer c) I genuinely considered taking off another year but then backtracked because I was worried it would be too tricky for me to get back into work d) I need more time to find childcare that I'm happy with. Anyway, after a lot of indecision, I've decided I would like to try with my career and not become a SAHM.

I want to cry when I think about leaving DC to someone else for almost the entire day. But women need to still work and babies get looked aftered is what I'm telling myself.

And so that's the background. I know it's only an interview and I may not get the job but the job description says to be willing to work weekends and evenings. Is this possible? For anyone that's done this, did it really negatively impact your relationship/bonding with your child? And most importantly, how did you make it work? What sort of childcare did you use?

I would love any advice here. I grew up with one parent always at home and I don't really know anybody who is climbing the corporate ladder so to speak and I have no idea how mums do this (or maybe it's rare and mums just don't go there because it's not the right time!)

TIA x

Op. I work 30 hours a week plus am a (nearly) single parent to two teenage girls. (I did less whej they were younger and frankly needed to). Any more time at work for me would result in a work/life balance that I just wouldn't enjoy, unless I had no financial choice.

Those hours are insane.

Childcare, including parenting, is most definitely work - unpaid and undervalued work.

“Able to work evenings and weekends” means working some of your contracted hours at those times, not in addition.

Anything above 78 hours a week would be automatically illegal due to working time directive.

(HR Director)

I do about 50-60 hrs a week, no dc and that about kills me with stress. Even with that most days I wfh so I have the flexibility to spend five mins doing the dishwasher, putting laundry on, etc.

It is perfectly possible to have a fulfilling, rewarding and well paid career without doing anything like those hours. I have one of those and yet picked my son up today at 3 and we are currently setting up a coffee shop in the bath. Sure I'll do a bit later tonight but there wouldn't be the hours available to hang out with him if I had to work 17 hours a day (which I have done before and it's not sustainable for more than a few days)

Isn’t it 48 hrs?

I have a friend who is a solicitor with three young kids who works insane hours. I've never asked a number, but I wouldn't be surprised if she hit 120 the odd week before she made partner.

Her DH also has a full on job. I have no idea how they do it tbh.

I have a normal FT job that I fit in 9-5 and then often a few hours in the evening, that's tough enough;

I’m assuming you are basing the calculation of hours from your idea of ‘willing to work evenings and weekends’ rather than it stating those hours which are insane for most magic circle partners or serious CEOs. But no, I am ultimately willing to work some evenings and weekends as most corporate jobs require it when the pressure is on, but would not apply for a job that advertised this would be required. If this is already the expectation then it will be too stressful
with a baby.

Advice?
Don't take a job that has a minimum 80 hours. Insane with a baby. Inhuman at any other time.

OP, have you maybe miscalculated? Evenings and weekends isn’t on top of your standard 35 hr week. It would either be a shift work (for example you work 14:00-22:00 instead of 09:00-17:00 some days, or Mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri/Sat), or you’d be offered occasional overtime or the occasional shift change.
I worked zero hours evening work from when my DD was 8 months old. I went out to work once DP finished for the day, and it was lovely bonding time for them. DD was EBF but he was able to start doing bedtime once I was out of the house regularly. I continued to bf so it didn’t spoil that either. So as long as you can get a good parenting set up at home you don’t need to fear evening or weekend work. I actually loved it because it allowed us to avoid childcare and work round each other’s jobs. Try not to be too anxious, and good luck!

You have to have 11 hours between shifts so max 13 hours a day, and a minimum of 1x24 * *hour period off per week. So 6x13 hours max.

You can't opt out of that bit.

The part you can opt out of is 48 hours per week max but averaged over a 12 week period which is harder to prove.

Edited to deal with * and bold.

Willing to work evenings and weekends does not usually mean every day/weekend. It means when needed - when there's a crisis, or an event, or an important deadline that needs meeting.

Significant ND challenges aside, we can disagree on that one.

You choose to have a child, much like you choose to have a dog, or painting as a hobby. They are much closer to a hobby or a past time than work.

Paid?? 😂 No you don't get paid for an optional lifestyle choice you made. Cuddles are payment enough.

The only person who needs to value you raising your child is your child, and if you consider them "work", it won't be surprising if they undervalue that.

Really? Ive done 24/36 hour shifts as a lone nurse in a care home when agencies don't turn up...

Lots of people saying lawyer but I'm a lawyer on a pretty decent 6 figure salary and I most certainly do not work those kind of hours. That's absurd.

I don't think it's shift work as OP mentions "climbing the corporate ladder" but I think there must be some miscalculation or misunderstanding, as this number of hours is virtually impossible.

120 every week would surely be impossible for anyone on a regular basis even a single person with no commitments. Maybe as a one off but not every week, it doesn’t even allow time for full nights sleep never mind anything else

In which case you are entitled to compensatory rest asap.

Umm, if you work 120 hours per week and you sleep 6.8 hours a day, that is all your time accounted for. When would you eat, let alone look after a baby? It would be insane to accept a job with an expectation of those hours.

the job description says to be willing to work weekends and evenings
They do not mean all evening everyday, nor to they mean all weekend every week. If this is your interpretation, you are not ready for this type of job.

If they just mean long hours, maybe 40-60, then you need an excellent OH who works regular hours. A great nursery and probably a few useful grandparents.

Those hours, if true, are ridiculous. Can you find a different bit of the ladder that has a more sensible approach? Different companies and industries have very different ways of doing things.

That would be illegal. And you would not see your child at all as you would only have 7hours a day at home which you would presumably spend sleeping. Even if you go for the lower end you'd still only see your child around 6hrs a week as they tend to sleep longer hours than adults.

OP are you adding up the hours in every evening and every weekend, to get those kind of numbers? (Because it won’t be that!) Or does the job spec actually say those numbers?

The hours make no sense.

Presume senior management/city law/investment banking.

Solutions:

DH is stay at home dad
Get two Nannies on overlapping shifts.

Nursery won't come close to covering it neither will childminder.

Grandparents living in?

Friends (I use the term loosely) who both worked in investment banking worked essentially opposite shifts - she went in early for about 5am and did 5-5 and he went in late at about 10 and did 10-10 ish.

They were able to make nursery work that way although I think grandma came over from Hong Kong frequently as well.