Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

Well of course it does all depend on what you enjoy doing. We've never been on holiday without our children but I don't feel like we are in any way martyrs, that our marriage has suffered or that our holidays haven't been "proper". I can't really think of anything significant that having our children with us has stopped us doing on a holiday. Other people feel differently obviously and that's their prerogative, but it's just as unreasonable to say that everyone "needs" child free holidays as it is to insist that it is wrong to have them.

I also have a 3yo and in the same boat, if he is awake he is 100mph, think it's a boy thing! We are looking to go abroad next year all of us, first time and can imagine it will be the same as you describe.

I don't think your wrong for wanting a break just the two of you, but like you say these years are limited and a week abroad just the two of you without him does seem like a long time, you may regret it and miss him or regret those memory opportunities as a family. Could you not still do the abroad one as a family and then a long weekend just the two of you? There is some reasonably priced weekend city breaks in Europe or just a spa weekend or something in the UK for alone time?

We left our 2 year old with grandparents for a long weekend and went abroad. He didn’t miss us one bit 😂 he was too busy being spoilt! I probably wouldn’t leave him for any longer than that while he’s little. Could you have an abroad holiday with grandparents so you could have some time as a couple but still have a family holiday?

I agree with this.
I don’t need to leave my children at home for a week to drink cocktails and enjoy sightseeing. I just take them with me! Even on a painting trips to France! Children should be fully immersed in cultural and adventure holidays from a young age so they grow up to be confident travellers.

I enjoy the holidays with my children more, it brings me huge pleasure to see them swim, play on the beach, gaze at huge oil paintings in galleries, run around the colosseum etc. I don’t understand why you would deprive your child of these beautiful experiences?

My dh and I tag team so we each enjoy plenty of sleep, reading time and family time. We have massages and plenty of alone time. The real joy comes from a happy family holiday and having my children close. They are gone soon enough trust me!

I've been on holidays without my ds. It was easier when he was younger as was in nursery so the school holidays weren't an issue but still doable now. Besides, he doesn't even remember the holidays I've taken him on up until he is about 5 or 6 so I needn't have bothered taking him anyway 🤣

I loved family holidays. That’s the highlight of parenting. Yeah it’s not like pre kids but I think you maybe need to adjust your expectations. Go have a weekend away either with friends leaving kids with DH or go together knowing you can get home quickly. I would t both parents to be a flight away. My DC are now adult, this is now our time again but we miss the times you are now trying to avoid. They were precious.

Sure do it but personally I can’t imagine it. I love being with my kids and planning fun family holidays that we can all enjoy. I feel like I get enough breaks and wouldn’t really enjoy myself on a beach if my kid were in a different country. I know someone who left a 2 year old for 2 weeks to go to Mexico. Honestly I just couldn’t do it. Not sure 2 weeks isn’t too long at that age either.

my DP went on holidays without us, I was hospitalised when I was 12 and parents were two flights away. Took them over 24 hours to come back (back then not as many frequent flights etc), it was beyond traumatic and I yes I had my grandma there but needed my parents. I think you have a unique role in your child’s life and sometimes you need to make sacrifices for their sakes. They only have one childhood.

Depends on your circumstances, I would never do this, but we work so much it would be more about using my holidays up and having less time with my children. We really value family holidays and I wouldn’t enjoy without them for more than a night! I also wouldn’t have the babysitters even if I wanted to (again we use more than our fair share to work). Have you got close friends/family with children similar age, we usually holidayed with another family when children were young and that really helped, more adults on hand, children kept themselves entertained more and more likely to use kids club if they have someone to go with.

Dh and I love our time alone but when we went on honeymoon I found a week too long. I felt the kids found it too long too and the youngest who was 7 was really missing us by day 5 so this year we fancied a trip alone so booked a week family holiday then two weeks later DH and I are going to Spain for 4 nights. Would you do something. Like that?

if his grandparents want to spend time with him
take the break and don't feel guilty
kids don't need holidays they need connection to you and their extended family
if he will stay with them a week then go for it

Children can have a great time away from their parents - aged 3, are they actually going to get anything from being on holiday with you? They won’t remember!

from age 6 up my mum would leave me with my friend’s gran in the countryside for at least 2 weeks. I’m so glad she did - I got to explore and she actually had time off from being a mum. Summer camps abroad in my teens.

it’s amazing for your relationship also. You actually get to remember who you were as a couple before you became parents.

my DP’s ex does this with her new partner for a week every year and leaves the kids with us. They seem to really enjoy that and feel they have the right idea, I wish we did but my DP is far too protective to 😂

@Lupuswarriors

parents deserve a rest though

everyone deserves rest

@APassionFruitMartini Ultimately no, they likely won't remember in the long run BUT my son definitely remembers now. He is nearly 3.5 and still talks about last year's 'holibeaches' to Sicily and Cornwall and asks when we're going on a plane again etc 😂

I wouldn’t. Looking back, the most precious times we had with our children were our holidays when we were with them 24/7 and didn’t have the domestic and work pressures of being at home. Lovely memories. But not everyone is the same, so it’s up to you.

I would have done it if I had anyone that would have mine for a week. Its not wrong. I work a lot in the middle east and have been away for weeks at a time on business, many people have jobs where they are away for periods. You dont have to have a family holiday each year. We disnt last year and did loads of stuff in the holidays more locally. At age 3 or 4 they wont really remember that you were away it will be a tiny speck in their memories if they remember it at all. It might even be a treasured memory for them of staying with family for the week and bonding with them too.. if they remember .

It's not wrong but I wouldn't do it if it meant I couldn't do a family holiday as well, and would probably start off with a few days/long weekend rather than a whole week

I wouldn't say it's wrong but I wouldn't do it. I'd enjoy more if I go on holiday with my child.

Our children spent time with both sets of oldies. The loved it because it was so different. My parents lived in a town and went to shops on a bus. We lived in country, no buses for miles around. DH parents wealthy and had a studio for painting and sketching.
They were both more independent than peers. Start them soon, A weekend for you June? to start.

Everyone is different and there’s no right or wrong however family holidays are important … if you’re still going abroad without them when they are 7+ they could start to resent you when they grow up.

for us we do abroad each year with the kids - all inclusive with kids clubs so you can snatch an hour or two each day without them, and then we try and do a long weekend in Europe just us because it’s also so important to maintain a happy relationship. (Happy parents = happy kids)

The childhood years go so fast, by the time they are 12+ they’ll meet other kids on holiday and will want to spend all day with them!

Welcome to parenting. Where your life is now completely different. I never understand when people say “we never get any time together” or “we can’t enjoy a meal out”. What did you think it would be like? While I don’t think it’s unfair to have a weekend away just the two of you providing the child is happy to be left. I do think a holiday abroad without the child is unfair. Now you have a child life is about making sacrifices.

I think we're conditioned to feel like we should be martyrs as parents. Ultimately my children remember very little about many of the holidays we had as a family when they were under 5. Although they weren't unpleasant experiences at all, they were just not as relaxing as jetting off to the Maldives for a week of silence and serenity. I think had they not have come, I'd have felt like they were missing out on a nice time, but at that age they'd have had just as much thrill from going to the arcades or the park with their grandparents while we lay on the beach recharging.

I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing. If you have family willing to take care of your son and he feels happy and safe staying there then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all :)

Yes 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

We holidayed a lot of great places pre kids, and we will when they’ve flown the nest.

yes holidaying with kids is just parenting somewhere else, most of the time, at least it’s (generally) warmer and sunnier! Why don’t you try utilising kids clubs to get a break?

I just don’t understand why people want to leave their kids out of stuff. I want to show my kids the world. I couldn’t bear to leave them behind for two weeks! Did your parents leave you with your grandparents while they went on holiday?

I would say that at 3, your DC is not going to really notice that they haven't had a holiday abroad. They'd be happy going to Southend for a day! My 8 year old's best holidays have been in Butlins, even though she has been to the Caribbean! So the 'guilt' will be yours and your DC won't know or remember. As a one off to get a break, I'd say absolutely go for it! It's not as if you are doing it every year and best to do it now while they are young.

However, and I say this as someone whose child is used to having time away from me with grandparents (for 1-2 nights at a time though, in school hols), a week MAY feel like a long time away from them. As others have said, could you try a long weekend abroad first and see how you, and they, feel? Then you can hopefully still have a UK holiday with them this year and perhaps try the week away next year?

My parents used to holiday overseas while we went to grandparents.
We didn't have family holidays, but generally holidayed with grandparents.

An over-riding memory of my childhood is my parents choosing not to spend their leisure time with their children.

Now you have a child life is about making sacrifices.
I find that a bit of a depressing view on a number of levels.
Children's needs come before adults' wants - absolutely. And on some occasions that will involve the adults having to give up things they'd like. But other times adults' needs will trump children's wants and sometimes they will both have equal wants. I don't think it does any harm, especially as children are growing up, to say "we had your choice of activity yesterday, today it's Dad's turn" or whatever. More making compromises than sacrifices.
And prioritising your children's interests doesn't have to be miserable either. I have been to places, met people, got interested in topics that had I not had my children would have passed me by. I'm sure I would have done other interesting stuff i I hadn't had them of course, life would just have been different but not necessarily better or worse.
Even some really dire kid orientated things have their plus points. We took DD to see The Tweenies Live when she was about 3. Now nothing would have induced me to spend an afternoon in a packed Manchester Arena full of screaming preschoolers watching people in big foam suits before I had DD and nothing would get me there again. But she had a blast, and even as an adult remembers her "first gig" fondly. I wasn't watching the show of course I was watching her and as a result it had positives for me.
We all do stuff that isn't particularly interesting to us for people we love don't we? My DH comes with me all over Europe to watch bike races and I go to classic car shows with him. Neither of us is particularly interested in the other's "thing" but we always have fun because we are with people we love and we will give and take. Same with the kids' stuff. I don't view that as sacrifice or martyrdom, just family life. There's rough and smooth of course but if having a family is a miserable life of self sacrifice why do so many of us want it ?