Am I wrong for not taking 3 year old to hospital?

[sugaryouth1]

I know the title seems bad but here's the background

My daughter is 3. She's been ill non stop for about 6 weeks. Low fever, chesty cough, cold symptoms. She's just been diagnosed with slapped cheek as well. So she has a bright red face and a rash.
I took her back to the doctor today because nursery sent her home as she had a new rash. It is just the slapped cheek as the rash can come and go. But nursery have said she needs to see a doctor or she can't come back.

Anyway we went to the doctor and she was really condescending. Told me I've been to the doctor 4 times this month and that maybe she's okay and I'm not. It really upset me to be honest. Anyway she listened to her chest and said she could hear a crackle but she didn't want to give her any more antibiotics as she's had a couple already. Fine. I'm not the sort of parent that demands antibiotics. .they want her to go to the hospitals CAT unit to see a paediatrician.

I have some issues.

1. I can't get there without a taxi. I cannot afford a taxi. Its almost 20 quid and it's money I don't have. The public transport is few and fair between

1. I don't think she needs to. She's currently running around my house absolutely mental and destroying it and the idea of sitting there and waiting for 10 plus hours like last time fills me with dread

1. Again the last time she was there she caught covid and flu making her even more poorly and meaning she missed nursery and I missed work

Don't get me wrong, if she was sick I'd of course take her. Am I going to get into trouble for not taking her? Is there anything else I can be doing? I usually will always listen to the doctor and of course If she was sick I'd take her. I just don't know what to do

@hobbitonthehill that is just totally unfair. What has happened to you in your life that you feel the need to be so spiteful to a stranger who is worried about her child and scared about what will happen?

Anyway we went to the doctor and she was really condescending. Told me I've been to the doctor 4 times this month and that maybe she's okay and I'm not. It really upset me to be honest. Anyway she listened to her chest and said she could hear a crackle but she didn't want to give her any more antibiotics as she's had a couple already

I don't understand why the doctor would say this to you and then tell you to take her to hospital?

Or have I got this confused somewhere?

We have similar at our local. Ours is called CAU stands for Child Assessment Unit. Maybe yours is Child Assessment and Triage?

They will be expecting you tonight. The GP will have phoned to say they've directed you there. You really need to find a way to get there tonight.

Just go tomorrow if you’re not concerned about her now. From your description of how she is now she can almost certainly wait. I would put my bets on her being seen and discharged with a course of amoxil by ED
i say this as an A&E Dr.
Hope you get her sorted

We don’t live in a particularly close knit community but good samaritans would always be happy to help with a post like this

I asked on Facebook when my son was in ICU and I got loads of offers. I know it's not that kind of emergency, but I still had to go to the hospital for weeks after he was stepped down to another ward and still I got lifts. I am sure someone will help you if you put out an SOS on Facebook.

I'm sure tomorrow morning will be fine.

@CoComedycook so she went through her medical records. And explained to me how much she'd been to the GP and asked me why I'd bought her today. She said she seemed okay and that maybe I was bringing her too much and I had an issue. Her temperature was normal today but I'd just given her calpol prior so wasn't surprising. Anyway she listened to her chest and said there was a slight crackle but she didn't feel comfortable prescribing anymore antibiotics as she had had some recently and advised seeing a paediatrician at the hospital. I agreed but only after I left did I realise I had no way of getting there because of no public transport etc. Hence.the post.

Some of these responses are horrendous!

Please try not to worry, if she looks clinically the same, running round, playing, eating and drinking then of course she can wait until tomorrow. She has been ill for a few weeks now so surely one night won't make much of a difference. If you are still worried then could you ring the unit you are meant to take her and explain the situation and see what they say? Then if they say they would be happy to wait until tomorrow to see her (which I'm sure they will) then you will feel much better about the situation and able to get a good nights sleep.

If they say they would rather see her tonight then they may be able to suggest a solution. This can't be the first time someone has been in this position.

Please (I know it will be almost impossible) try to ignore people calling you a bad mother etc, it sounds like you are doing your best in a bad situation.

If you lived a five-minute walk from the hospital, would you think twice about taking her?

@Mummame2222

You need to build your own support network rather than just admitting defeat and 'having nobody'. You have a job and your child goes to nursery so it's up to you to try and forge some connections with your colleagues and the nursery mums or other people. It would do you and your child good.

I also 'had no one' but decided to do something about it and now have some close mum friends who I could call in a crisis and I'm friendly with several neighbours.

Also overall yabu. I'd have found a way to get my child to hospital the minute the doctor suggested it.

They will be expecting you tonight. The GP will have phoned to say they've directed you there.

You cannot know this.

Sorry I didn't understand...it sounded like the GP was saying you are bringing her in too much but then saying she needs to go to hospital....seemed a bit contradictory.

Anyway, I really hope she's ok and better soon

@Bakewellpuddingandcustard ?

but good samaritans would always be happy to help with a post like this

What does that mean? Do you mean that regularly people post very personal requests like this, which are fulfilled?

There is no way I could as a group of strangers for a lift for me / my child.

Especially when OP can go herself tomorrow.

Yes, lots of people do this. And no I don’t live in a close knit community, just a mid-sized town. And yes I would do it, if OP posted and I read it I would do it in an instant. Maybe you’ve never parented alone? I have when my DH had to work away and like the OP I had no one else around. If I had to take my DC to the hospital I would have asked for help if I hadn’t had a car. And I would have gotten it, I see good deeds often. When you really need support, you really need it. Maybe you can’t imagine doing it because you’ve never been misfortunate enough to be in that position?

overall yabu. I'd have found a way to get my child to hospital the minute the doctor suggested it.

I wouldn't. I'd have considered all the facts, as OP has done & decided if it could wait till morning.
The GP did not tell her to go straight there.

Again I'm sure this Will come across as me making more excuses but here goes

Yes my daughter goes to nursery. I could not tell you the name of one single parent there. I drop off, I collect. Nobody has initiated contact with me and I am so so shy I doubt I would. I work for minimum wage in a fast food restaurant..most of my co workers are 10 years younger than me. I doubt they'd give me a lift to the hospital.
Yes I could change job but that's not the issue at hand right now. The job works around my child. I couldn't work a traditional 9 to 5 right now.

I also don't have a car seat. Me and my ex never drove and we never needed one. I'm sure at 3 if we got a lift she'd need a car seat.

Ime with a gp referral you won't be waiting 10 hours to be seen. Go first thing.

Just wanted to send hugs @sugaryouth1 sounds like a really tough time and I'm so sorry you have nobody and you're financially struggling. I can't make it better for you but I just wanted to offer some kind words xx

I also hope you're little one is better soon 🥰

Maybe you’ve never parented alone?

Single parent to 3 DC, since the youngest was still a baby. No immediate support, ex v limited involvement (and abusive)

Perhaps areas differ, or individuals.

I wouldn't do this. And I wouldn't be comfortable responding to a request like this.

We have a neighbourhood WhatsApp group. Happy to help with all sorts of practical favours. But cannot imagine anyone asking this.

Especially since OP is ok to go tomorrow!

Yes OP can go tomorrow, that wasn’t clear from what she said originally about her finances, but yes she can go just fine.

But as a few of us have said, when needs must you have to do it. You’re very fortunate if you’ve never needed support from strangers, but it happens because people get in reallly tough positions when they’re alone.parenting alone with literally no one is fucking insanely hard. You do what you can to get through and this relies on asking your community for help.

And thankfully there are lots of kind people who help. I would step up for the OP if she were local to me.

Maybe you can’t imagine doing it because you’ve never been misfortunate enough to be in that position?

And maybe you should think before your head-tilty assumptions?

If you'd even bothered to read my earlier posts, you'd have seen I'm more than familiar with having no support & no immediate access to money.