first Mother’s Day a non event :(

[Jules182]

Sending love to all the mums out there.

am I right or be annoyed that my first Mother’s Day with my 11 month old hasn’t even been acknowledged? All I am asking for is a £1 card from Tesco is it too much to ask?

This was after he went out until midnight last night. Asked me what the plan was for today I said I would assume you sorted something or got a card? The response was you aren’t my mum? Then was accused of making an atmosphere and ruining the day. Sure. Am I being Tottaly unreasonable? I thought my first Mother’s Day would be a bit more of an event with at least a card :(

A bit.. I don’t think it comes into its own until your kids are old enough to understand what it is and enjoy bringing you burnt toast.

I don’t know why anyone’s voting that you’re being unreasonable. Welcome to motherhood with a man who is selfish and mean. Sorry to be a cynic, OP. My experiences are that this is what happens. To me, to all of my friends. You harden yourself and lower your expectations until you can leave, basically. I say this with the assumption that this isn’t isolated shitty behaviour from your partner.

Wow I'm in shock. Is he usually this useless? First Mother's Day is a huge deal. Maybe I have a skewed view of it because every Mother's Day for me until my first one as a mum last year was painful. Horrible mum who did nothing but neglect us and cause stress non stop throughout life. So perhaps my husband made a huge deal of it because he knows how painful each one prior has been.
You created a life, birthed a life, perhaps breastfed and have done many sleepless nights for your baby. You deserve at least a cup of tea in bed today!

he won't be expecting a fathers day card then will he?

It doesn't matter that you're not his mum.. but you are someone's mum and he should have bought a card on behalf of your child..

Sometimes after a few years of this, you end up getting petty and do a tit for tat when Father’s Day comes around.

I'm sorry OP.
It doesn't matter that you aren't his mum.
You are the mother of his child and he has a responsibility to facilitate Mother's Day until they are old enough to do this themselves.

It is his job to teach his child to be kind and considerate to you.

Yes to pp, I refused to do tit for tat for years, I refused to stoop to my EXH’s horrible level, I always made an effort despite getting little effort back. When I then got sick of that, and stopped being the only effort maker and (as the kids say) ‘matched his energy’ that was the death knell of the relationship really. I was sustaining the relationship for years by refusing to be petty. Once I started treating my EHX the way he treated me, it was over.

Does he expect an 11 month old to walk up the shop? Did you get him a father's day card from your child? What about birthdays and Christmas?

Yeah my first one was similar, I remember feeling crushed. My then DP didn't understand how much I wanted my daily efforts recognised on mothers day so I felt totally unappreciated. We split up by my 2nd mothers day due to a catalogue of other examples of me being treated like dirt.

I'm now of the frame of mind to expect nothing, celebrate myself if I want to be celebrated and simply feel grateful that I got the chance to be a parent cos its the best thing I've ever done.

Is this typical of him? Does he do his fair share of caring for the baby? Or is he yet another useless parent?

Not surprising unfortunately. My ex H was the same. It never improved and thank God I divorced him 9 years later. Wish I'd not wasted those 9 years. Your not his Mother, that's true but you are the Mother of his child and really this attitude is problematic as it indicates many other red flags. Go with your instincts as you go forward and have a cuddle with dc enjoying the love and happiness of it all. 💐

I think it's a real shame that men don't just make a tiny effort to thank their wives and partners on Mother's Day until their children are old enough to do something.
Especially the first year. Hugs OP and Happy Mother's Day

Thanks so much all I feel so much better. Is it tottaly unreasonable for me to just leave him with my little one all day? I honestly just feel like putting my shoes on and walking out the door 😂

Go!!

Agree with PP that it comes into its own when the DCs are older. It's for children to acknowledge their mothers and a baby can't do that.

I hope his lack of consideration for your feelings is not a regular occurrence. I do think for things like this, it could depend how he was brought up (did he make an effort for his mum/ did his dad model respectful behaviour to his mum?). The fact that you are upset should hopefully make him think and reflect on his lack of effort. Happy first mother's day to you, you sound like a lovely mum who deserves to be supported and spoilt x

If you can’t leave him with the baby without worrying, plus he’s been an arsehole on Mother’s Day, it’s time to start thinking about your future without this man. I know that sounds extreme, but this is not a good man and you’re starting to be shown this now with these behaviours.

That's why dad needs to help until they are old enough.
It's what decent people do.

Why would you think that would be unreasonable? I don't get it. Presumably the kid is his too, and he's a capable parent, so just leave him to it.

Aw sorry OP! It’s a bit shit of him. I usually get the kids dressed up for Mother’s Day and get flowers, a card from the ‘kids’ (written by DH), a cuppa in bed and then DH loves all the meal deals from M&S 😂 so he sort of cooks for me too haha but I do palm off all parenting to him on that day. Why don’t you take yourself for a walk and a coffee somewhere so you can have a break from everything? Totally wouldn’t be unreasonable.

YANBU at all, he's being a twat! God even my ex had bought a card and flowers from DD when I went to pick her up this morning and we aren't even on that good of terms so your partner can and should have made an effort! While it's tit for tat I wouldn't be getting him anything for Father's Day, hopefully he'll see how shit you feel then. Take yourself off for the day and have a few hours relaxing! X

This, make zero effort for Father's Day

Do it, go out for the day or for a few hours at least. If he's not going to make the effort then take the steps to do it for yourself. Happy Mother's Day

Do it! Go and have a coffee/swim/shop etc in peace!

Happy first Mother's Day x