cod's tips for idle parenting day one

[FluffyMummy123]

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Time nappy changes to coincide with boring chores - eg clearing up after tea. Disappear for 30 mins - explain it was a very messy poo - and everything will have been tidied up for you

Pretend to be ill, go to bed and let DH, DC's do dinner etc. (can not be done too often, obviusly)

agreee about having children and holidays - both my dds were born during half term - saves ££££££££ on huge parties

also about playing 'hospitals' - you get an evne better lie down if you play "lets lie down and have a nap"

my best tip is encourage your dh to be father of the year by taking your children to swimming 3-4 nights a week - and give him shampoo - you need never bath your children again (i havent bathed either of mine for over 6 months!)

Play "Hide and Don't Seek" and ensure you are the Don't-Seeker. Gets shot of them for ages. Especially if you send them to hide outside.

also, alwyas offer to do the dishes after dinner - you get 20 mins peace and quiet listening to the top 40 on the radio whilst dh deals with the aftermath of dinner and the arguing over what to watch on the telly/time to put pyjamas on/toilet rounds/etc

ALWAYS offer to do stuff like go to the chinese to collect the takeaway while dh puts the children to bed - you can therefore sit down in chinese restaurant and read their paper while dh wrestles with bedtime stories etc - i know what id rather do!

be extra extra nice to the older brothers and sisters of your child's friends. they are massively useful in loads of ways
e.g. I have one trained to take dd1 to breakfast club and then make sure she has all her kit to take to the classroom afterwards with all her kit.
she also reads with dd1 when she play at her house and writes in the reading diary

also treasure hunts and egg hunts can take ages while you loll about
and you can reuse the clues

also never skimp on outdoor play equipment/play houses because you can while away whole afternoons without much moving from your chair

Even simpler- get a load of plastic gold coins and hide them around the garden.

When planning a Treasure Hunt with clues, ensure the clues are as far apart as possible to maximise running about (children not you).

Be boring. Never play pretend games with them, just get them to play it on their own because your company is too boring.

I do like the idea of hide-and-don't-seek though soupy!

pmsl!

we play the 'sock game' big bag of odd socks that takes hours and hours of matching up!

cod I used to throw dirty nappies from the window too !
don't buy into bath time every day. Once a week is more tahn enough.

Encourage DH to do gardening, then encourage DCs to join in (gardening will then take twice as long) - bingo! You have all afternoon to loaf about.

Gosh yes OMDB, I'm getting soooooo boring that yesterday the dc asked me to hire a nanny for them !

Also.

Be really shouty and mean to your kids so DH becomes parent of choice .

I don't do idle parenting

I do lazy parenting.

Time it so you have your child just before Christmas, then you can get the whole present buying expense out of the way, there is always food around to throw a birthday party, and you don't have to go to all the trouble of throwing a barbecue/bouncy castle/treasure hunt in the garden party like those poor parents of summer babies.

Treat your children like commis chefs. They love all the backbreaking boring kitchen work like whisking, stirring, and chopping, this can be done whilst reading grazia whilst you are getting on with the cooking. They only need to be bribed with the bowl lickings/chance to cook a few scraps of pastry/opportunity to say they have cooked the dinner. If the bribery doesn't work, pay them.

Instead of buying your child a toy washing machine and iron, make everything extra special fun, and more useful for yourself, by teaching them how to use the real appliances.

spoon feed them the food you like from weaning - then when you want to go out for a curry/Chinese, you don't have them moaning about not being able to eat it

Always make friends with someone who drives one of those feck off people carriers with loads of seats so they can take all your children, if needs be, for a party or outing

Try and share a party for your children when they are in infants and make sure you share with a) a PFB and b) one with super organised parents so all you end up doing is turning up and handing out the wine.

For when you think they really should have something more than sandwiches to eat this week in case they get scurvy and you have the hassle of seeking medical attention:

Put pasta on to boil. When half done, tip frozen veg into same saucepan. Serve with grated cheese on top. Eat with spoons.

(Washing up = 1 saucepan, 1 cheese grater)

You can therefore MN while dinner is cooking and while they're eating. And you get longer if you train eldest child to feed the baby and get the yoghurts out for afterwards.

Teach first-born to read early so they can do bedtime stories for all the others.

When DC's wake in the night and need attention, kick or elbow DH awake with the words "I did it last time". Even if there wasn't a 'last time'

When taking your DC's to school remember to bark in a loud and braying voice how marvellously your DC's are doing with their mandarin/violin lessons. You will never be approached by other mothers and can make quick exit from the playground.

Ensure that your children eat their tea in the bath. That way they cannot 'leave' any because they have nowhere to put it, there are no dirty clothes to clean when they spill anything, and it will take half the time. (Not recommended for pasta dishes)

With newborns, always invest in a hamster water dispensor and attach to side of baby's cot. squeeze in some boob milk every once in a while when passing.

Constantly allow your DC's to 'overhear' your conversations with DH regarding the grandaparents and how they have been discussing having the kids stay for a sleepover and lashigns of ice cream. That way they will nag their GP's to stay and you will graciously accept when the GP's give in and offer to have them.

Offer to do the picking up, when you know Dh won't be back from work in time. Then phone the other parents and say(in a panicky voice) "Oh,no dd2 is in bed! Do you think you could pick them up?" Then go and watch crappy telly.

oh yes we did the nappy flinging from the bathroom window in our old house!! genius idea

squify-i do that when ds2 wakes in morning i tell dh ive been up all night with him so he gets up

cocolepew - are you my friend Kim?

Cod the nappy tip is disgraceful, i would never do that

When making up packed lunches for the older children make an extra one for the toddler. That way you can hand over a ready made lunch and not have to move from MN. The toddler will be very happy to have a 'big boy' lunch box too.