Do moms generally prefer/love their daughters over than their sons?

[Mummyof2wonderfulgirls]

I know the title of this thread is gonna sound a bit ridiculous but just hear me out. A couple of months back I saw a post on a mom group on Facebook related to Gender disappointment. It was about a women wanting to abort her baby because it was a boy. This women already had 2 girls. The comment section was filled with sympathy for this women which is fine as we don't know her in real life and she might have some trauma related to men. But as she kept posting more on that group it became clear she was an anti male and a narcissist. Even though some voiced their opinion against abortion the vast majority supported her as they also suffered from GD due to having boys .

It seems like vast majority of the women I've met always seem to Prefer their daughter/daughters over their boys. Not just in real life but also on the internet(e.g. Social media, Blogs, Forums). All the gender Disappointment post on the internet seem to be about boys on every social media(Facebook, Instagram) site or general website (Netmums , Mumsnet, Reddit). There are websites like ingender and genderdreaming just dedicated to Gender disappointment. Not just GD related posts only but some of them are straight out Boy bashing or anti boy posts. This would be fine if those women only talked about adult men but some of this posts/Threads specifically target Little boys from Newborns to Preteens.

Now it's not a crime wanting a daughter. In fact as women it's completely natural to want girls. But what about sons? are they consolation prize to their moms? Does having a penis mean that child is a lesser part of you? The way some of them talk about their boys is as if they were talking about their step children. Does anyone remember the show "8 boys and wanting a girl" ? It was quite tragic as all 4 women had sons just trying to have a girl. There was also a episode on One Born Every Minute where a women was trying for a girl and finally had one. Even celebrity moms like Britney Spears, Melissa Joan Hart, Gwen Stefani all go on about wanting girls.

Now like i said earlier it's fine to want a girl. But it seems like for some women it becomes an obsession. If you look at all the 4 combination of parent child relationship, Mom son bond seems to be the one that's barely talked about or appreciated. I read somewhere that this is due to moms wanting a brighter future for their girls compared to their boys. If this keeps up how on earth are boys gonna have close bond with their moms? I personally found this quite sad.

Having preference is fine. as long as you love all your kids equally and treat them the same. But if you just keep having kids for the sake of having a certain gender then that's a bit messed up and sad honestly.

I only have a son and I can't imagine loving him any more than I do. To me he's my child, his sex is largely irrelevant.

No i know. Its not logical at all. I dont mean they arent related genetically - nothing to do with genetics. I just think there is something lovely about the fact that the egg that became my boys was formed in my own mum.

As i say, im happy with my sons and wouldnt change them.

I have a boy and girl...both teens. I love them both equally and never cared whether I had boys or girls. What I will say is having a daughter is a very different experience. We have more in common. She is much happier to hang out with me than ds is. So she will enjoy coming shopping with me and getting a cake afterwards but ds wouldn't do that if you paid him! I imagine this will continue into adulthood....like I see with my friends. All of them spend time with their mothers, out for lunch, shopping, visiting museums/art galleries, even holidays. I never see men doing these things. Yes men might visit their mother and have the occasional meal but their adult lives are rarely so intertwined with their mum's.

Nope, you get this in plenty of white British families as well. Son inherits the family business, son is golden boy, girl is ignored but expected to provide round the clock personal care once the parents are old. Awful but definitely exists.

I think the number of people who feel so strenuously that they don’t want a boy that they would abort it, must be in single figures. I personally definitely wanted a boy, and was very happy to find I was having one (wouldn’t have been disappointed with a girl, I just always imagined having a little boy).

Why are you taking the ramblings of a (relatively) small number of whack jobs, and extrapolating it to mean there is some sort of actual issue….?

Plenty of women adore their sons. Some possibly too much!

Honestly OP - there really isn’t an issue here.

Absolutely! This has always been my ( kind of lighthearted) belief too!

I agree in western countries girls are massively favoured. I think it's because girls are the ones who tend to stay close to the family. If I look at couples I know, vast majority live closer to the wife's family than the husbands family.

I do wonder how the kids feel in those families where they’ve got 6 or 7 of one sex and then the final baby of the other sex. Does child number 5 or 6 ever wonder if they only exist as part of the journey towards getting the other sex?

My Dad was one of 8 and the only boy. You might expect him to be the youngest but there were three more girls after him. I think my grandparents just liked having children.

You are right about that. I think I was over analyzing it and thought this was an actual issue. I know the number of people that are like this is quite small. But every once in awhile (Like once or twice a month) i see post about GD on the internet and it makes me wonder what's the actual deal with boys? Why are they so undesired that someone actually has to make a post online about them having GD?

Yet in other cultures baby girls have been or still are killed at birth because they aren’t wanted.

My son is awesome and very much wanted. Just like my daughter.

I think gender disappointment generally goes after the baby is here, it doesn't affect how much you love your child.

I've known people have bad GD - mostly it is them having a boy but wanted a girl but I can remember one example of wanting a boy but having a girl.

The example you give is very extreme and incredibly rare.

I was told by some old ladies that I was lucky to be having a girl as sons don't bother to stay in touch once married. And from the men I know, that is sadly true. They never remember important dates and sigh and complain when their parents call them.

I was glad to have two girls as had gone off my partner by that point and didn't want a mini him!

This is a fascinating subject and it's difficult to talk about openly as there is so much potential for causing distress to a child who hears the parent voicing these feelings. I think this is a perfect forum to look for reassurance around these complex responses.

There are so many elements which might cause a baby gender preference. Social, cultural and personal. I think we are often strongly influenced by how gender was valued in our formative environment. We can be hugely influenced (I believe) by powerful subconscious forces.

I also think gender in my experience is, on one level, completely irrelevant; I know boys who fulfill a parent's 'girl' needs and vice versa. My ds stays in touch and loves being with his family. My dd is not typical of 'girl' like attachment.

I feel like the happiest people are brought up by a caring collective of loved ones who want to meet their needs not use them to meet their own needs. To support them in becoming their unique selves. I'm not saying I've achieved this! But I believe too much focus on what we want might make us see less what our children need rather than what they represent.
All easier said then done - but a great subject to hear other views about.

I've only got one son so no comparison, I do know that I had absolutely no disappointment when I found out I was having a boy or at any time after that.

My [limited] experience of women who express this preference for girls isn't great, definitely not my kind of people at the very least. I'm not surprised that the woman in the FB post presented as narcissistic...

I think maybe it’s about wanting a baby the same sex a you. I really wanted a girl and some point (my first is a girl so it feels like pressure is taken off baby no.2). Then someone I work with (a guy) found out they were having a boy and was really really relieved as he said he genuinely didn’t know what he’d do with a girl baby.

Then to go against the grain my friend who is a norland nanny really wanted two boys because she said they’re so much easier than girls.

I think I feel differently about this than a lot of women do. I had no sex preference when having my dc. I did not expect my ds and dd to be different from each other in gender stereotyped ways. I didn't have feelings of looking forward to doing 'girly' stuff with a daughter or expect my ds to only like doing boy things that I wouldn't enjoy. My dh and his brother are, if anything closer to their parents than I am with mine. My dd went through a 'pink' phase from about age 3 to 6, but is 18 now and is quite gender non-conforming. Also, in personality, if anything my ds is more similar to me and dd is more similar to dh.

I really wanted one of each and was lucky to get that. I love them both the same.

Hmm well it used to always be the other way around - sons can do no wrong. I guess it’s what’s culturally in favour at the time.

I have both and I’m not a dick though.

I love them all equally - but then neither DH or I were hung up on sex of babies.

DH was a gender disappointment to his parents which bizarrely they did speak on in front of him - they say they put no effort into his name - they were fine as parents to him that and MIL going on how she hated motherhood especially when out kids were little was very odd.

DH laughs it off - though at times it clearly upset him - and I think they'd have been awful parents to a girl - it was acceptable fro DH to head off to uni as he was bright - but I don't think same would have been true of a girl even in 90s for them and they expect girls to look after parents (though MIL herself managed to leave that to her brother).

I love them both equally, my husband I would say is less tolerant of my son so I tend to compensate for that

Not DH but FIL and we've run a lot of interference over the years. They've last few visits tried cosying up to him now eldest has left and seem surprised he's not keen.

My Dad also found out he was a gender disappointment to his parents md 1940s - they had two and wanted second Dad to be a girl - it was more his father - was found in letters after their deaths and did explain some of the behavior towards him from his Dad.

God no, absolutely not!

I'm hiding this .. that's all I'm saying on this ridiculous post.

I love my ds and my dd equally. They both bring joy and happiness (aswell as worry and stress) to my life however I do have more in common with dd and spend more time with her now (both early 20s) Ds is very like dh and into history and tech stuff whereas I’m not at all.

I was over the moon when DC1 was born and he was a boy! I just couldn't envisage having a daughter somehow. When pregnant with DC2 I asked the sex during the scan and I cheered out loud when they said he was a boy too.

I adore both of my sons, even though one has vanished (long story). I wouldn't know what to do with a daughter!

I have two nieces and a nephew and find my nephew far more straightforward. I love them all, but my nephew is my favourite (sshhhh, don't tell!).