Do moms generally prefer/love their daughters over than their sons?

[Mummyof2wonderfulgirls]

I know the title of this thread is gonna sound a bit ridiculous but just hear me out. A couple of months back I saw a post on a mom group on Facebook related to Gender disappointment. It was about a women wanting to abort her baby because it was a boy. This women already had 2 girls. The comment section was filled with sympathy for this women which is fine as we don't know her in real life and she might have some trauma related to men. But as she kept posting more on that group it became clear she was an anti male and a narcissist. Even though some voiced their opinion against abortion the vast majority supported her as they also suffered from GD due to having boys .

It seems like vast majority of the women I've met always seem to Prefer their daughter/daughters over their boys. Not just in real life but also on the internet(e.g. Social media, Blogs, Forums). All the gender Disappointment post on the internet seem to be about boys on every social media(Facebook, Instagram) site or general website (Netmums , Mumsnet, Reddit). There are websites like ingender and genderdreaming just dedicated to Gender disappointment. Not just GD related posts only but some of them are straight out Boy bashing or anti boy posts. This would be fine if those women only talked about adult men but some of this posts/Threads specifically target Little boys from Newborns to Preteens.

Now it's not a crime wanting a daughter. In fact as women it's completely natural to want girls. But what about sons? are they consolation prize to their moms? Does having a penis mean that child is a lesser part of you? The way some of them talk about their boys is as if they were talking about their step children. Does anyone remember the show "8 boys and wanting a girl" ? It was quite tragic as all 4 women had sons just trying to have a girl. There was also a episode on One Born Every Minute where a women was trying for a girl and finally had one. Even celebrity moms like Britney Spears, Melissa Joan Hart, Gwen Stefani all go on about wanting girls.

Now like i said earlier it's fine to want a girl. But it seems like for some women it becomes an obsession. If you look at all the 4 combination of parent child relationship, Mom son bond seems to be the one that's barely talked about or appreciated. I read somewhere that this is due to moms wanting a brighter future for their girls compared to their boys. If this keeps up how on earth are boys gonna have close bond with their moms? I personally found this quite sad.

I have a son and daughter. I love them both equally, my husband I would say is less tolerant of my son so I tend to compensate for that ( I try not to let my daughter notice and make sure we do stuff just us). As they have got older the relationships have changed but amongst my friends i can’t say I have noticed a preference either way

No. Equal..

No I have both and no it’s not the case here

There’s a Facebook group for gender disappointment?? That’s sad and a bit sick. By all means have some momentary feelings of disappointment but normal people get over it and welcome the baby regardless.

I have a DS and couldn’t wish for a more loving, kind and wonderful child. There was a thread in AIBU a couple of weeks back about this topic and posters said exactly what I’ve just said - my DS is amazing and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

Sorry to be snobby but I’d seriously doubt the intelligence of the women who actively engage in Facebook group like this, particularly those who encourage another woman to have a termination.

I have 2 sons. They are the absolute lights of my life. I adore them.
I couldn't love them anymore if they had vaginas.
It is such bullshit.

There was another thread about this a while back and a poster cited some interesting research about men preferring sons- apparently men with sons spend more time playing with their kids and are less likely to leave the family (on average on a population level and probably only a small effect, obviously loads of men are excellent girl dads). Maybe it's just human nature for some people to have a preference for their own sex when having kids, especially if they endorse traditional ideas about gender stereotypes

I have 2 boys and a girl and although I was absolutely desperate and ecstatic to be having a girl, I find her much harder work then my boys. My boys are so chilled and loving whereas she is stubborn and independent. Love them all to pieces and I do find my daughter easier to 'relate' to but I'd throw myself under a train for all 3 of them. I go to all the football matches and watch all the games on TV for my boys even though I'm not a fan because I love them. It's not a case of favouring her because I really wanted a girl when I was pregnant. Once they are here, you love them all regardless of sex.

No. I love my son and daughter equally. I was worried about having a boy, in my head I always pictured having 2 girls (probably because I grew up with a sister). My DS was premature and poorly at birth, he was in the NICU for a month. I needed counselling when he was about 18 months old because I had PTSD and part of that was thinking I'd caused him to almost die by wanting him to be a girl when pregnant.
There's no difference in how I feel about both my children, I love them both equally and deeply

Just to be clear it wasn't a GD related group but rather a mom group on Facebook where I saw this post. But yeah there seems to be a couple of fb groups related to GD.

I don’t know. I have come across situations where the son is idolised and the daughter(s) pretty much ignored. Especially if the son is bright. Depends on the family. Either way it’s not fair. Children should be loved for who they are.

I always thought it to be opposite, that boys are always 'mummy's little boy' even when grown men lol! I know growing up we would call my brother 'precious' because he could do no wrong in my mothers eyes (this was all just light hearted teasing)

I know gender disappointment is very common and it does seem to be women desperately wanting girls rather than boys. However surely when they have their little baby boy that all changes?

Like I said earlier it's only natural for women to want girls over boys. But what i found very sad was How it becomes an obsession for some women. Mother daughter bond is wonderful and all i enjoy the ones that i share with my mum and daughters. But I expect I will be equally bonded with my boy once he arrives without shadow of a doubt.

No not at all. I always wanted a son and was lucky to have two. Then third pregnancy I did think it would be nice to have a girl as we already had two boys (although lots of people assume we were trying for a girl, we weren’t). And I definitely love them all as much as each other!!

I love all my children the same, I find them all equally annoying at times and enjoy the company of them all in different ways.

Also, I'm a nurse and I see a distinct difference in daughters taking on the caring role over the sons. Obviously not in all cases but the vast majority. I think that may be part of wanting a daughter instinctually. Daughters tend to take on that role and you tend to stay close to them for your entire lives whereas sons in general find it easier to distance themselves. I spend a lot of time listening to daughters complaining about their brothers not helping with the load.

I Think what you are talking about is the gender preference in Asia which is vastly related to boys. It has lessened in some Asian countries but still in the poor parts of Asia the preference is still towards boys. Ironically, In the west it's almost the opposite. The vast majority seem to prefer girls nowadays. Which is nice but it seems like they try to trivialize boys just to glorify girls. That's the only problem i have.

I think its based on people's experience with close males/females.
I was apprehensive about having a daughter as there's not a close relationship with my mother but I do have 2 close brothers and am close with my dad.
That meant I could picture being close with a son more.
I imagine there are often cases where women have a distant or absent dad and no brothers or not a close bond with them, but have a close mother-daughter relationship and so a daughter seems like the best option.

I have 2 daughters and 1 son. I love them all equally but we're close in different ways.
Dd1 30 is now like a friend in many ways, I often ask her for advice. We talk daily but we're not really physically close.
Dd2 is 16. I love her brightness and kindness. She's so thoughtful. She is 16 though and although hasn't given me any trouble yet we sometimes clash.
Ds is 14 and probably the one I'm closest to in that he still comes for cuddles and to just sit and chat with me.
So no, no difference in how much I love them all but I suppose they are all loved in different ways.

Where I grew up in Ireland, it's generally thought that girls are treated like shit and boys are doted on! It's a bit of a lazy stereotype/generalisation though.

I've definitely seen more gender dissapointment threads on having boys than girls though, but I don't understand it. Maybe it's because of that horrible phrase about sons being sons till they find a wife and daughters being daughters for life 🤢.

Not true at all in my family where the girls all fled to England and the boys all married local girls and boys and stayed nearby!

It may be that some mothers prefer girls over boys, but the stats show an entirely different picture. Globally, it's mostly girls, not boys, who are aborted or killed due to our sex.

There are an estimated 140 million "missing women" globally, due to being aborted or killed due to infanticide or neglect.

That's 140 million more than boys, as the figures are a comparison of the numbers of girls and boys.

https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/global-number-of-missing-women

I was super close to my mum as a child, and not particularly close with my dad - but when it came to having my own children I had absolutely no preference. People tell me I'm lucky to have one of each, but I wouldn't have cared if I'd had 2 girls or 2 boys - and yes, my relationship with each is different, but I think that's more to do with their ages and personalities than chromosomes, and I love them immensely. Gender disappointment that goes beyond a few minutes of "oh, that's not what I expected" is something I just don't understand. Someone's sex / gender does not determine their value as a person.

I think there's a lot of truth in this.

There are lots of countries where baby boys are preferred. I'm sure there are lots of complex reasons for this, but it's surely worth noting that those countries also often tend to be the ones where men and their wives and families traditionally stay close to/live with/care for the man's family rather than the wife's family... (of course I'm sure it's the DILs that get lumped with the actual care, but my point is that the sons will still be around/close to the family). I don't know.

Anyway, FWIW, I have a boy and a girl and they are very much equally loved

I thought it was the other way around and men were mummy’s boys and women were daddy’s girls? Hence the sayings!

“Like I said earlier it's only natural for women to want girls over boys. But what i found very sad was How it becomes an obsession for some women”

what the fuck did I just read? It’s not “natural” for women to want daughters over sons.

I have one of each and I love and adore them both.

That was exactly my point of this post. A lot of people commenting here seem to think I am trying to prioritize boys here. Which is missing the point. It's fine to Have GD or even a little pang if you don't have a daughter that you always wanted. But what's important is that we appreciate the kids we have.