Can I decline the health visitor?

[FtmB]

So I have started seeing the health visitor with baby boy, he’s now 6 weeks old and she wants to see him every week. Considering she’s stated she’s around until he’s 5 I cannot handle that weekly.
additionally, me and my partner have been very sick lately. I had strep throat one week, then my partner caught something in work last week, and I’ve now caught that off him as well. It’s been a nightmare. In response to that we’ve told her we won’t be able to have any visits a minute as I’m so poorly, I can’t even look after myself, let alone the house, so need to focus all my energy on just the baby for now. Since then I’ve had her turning up at my door leaving notes about being concerned, and voice mails saying she’s worried and desperately needs to weigh the baby.
I just find it all a bit baffling? I’ve stated I’m just sick a minute so why the concern? And for background, babies put on a healthy amount of weight each week and has been a bit advanced in terms of milestones so I don’t understand the worry?

long story short, she’s becoming more of a hassle than help, and weekly appointments just to weigh him until he’s 5 seems a lot. We don’t feel as though we need her visiting and would rather her service go to a family who does. We thought the health visitor was going to be another midwife like service that we could just reach out to if we had any concerns, not weekly visits for the next 5 years?

This was standard practice when ours were small. Upwards of one year, we were invited to a weekly clinic instead of home visits.
We found it reassuring.

You don’t have to have weekly visits until he’s 5 but there will be various checks on your child’s wellbeing until they are in school.

You’re probably raising her spidey senses. I think there is a breakdown in communication. Don’t fear her, she’s on your side. Pick up the phone, return the call. Explain your situation.

We're completely the other end of the scale. In our county you see the health visitor at 2 weeks, 6 week, 1 year and 2 years and then discharged. That's it. I don't fully understand why there's such discrepancies depending where you live like that's a massive difference between how many visits you get compared to us. I imagine you can decline because if we are only seen 4 times in their lifetime then surely there's no need for them to see you every week. That would drive me mad them coming every week.

They aren’t going to care that your house is a little messy but they do have a duty to look after you and your child. Let them in to show that everyone is safe.

The weekly visits will quieten down once they know everything is OK

I never saw ours weekly, it was once when pregnant at home, then when baby is born around day 5ish and then to go to weighing clinics and of course the standard checks they do at certain weeks/months then years.
Maybe it's different by areas ?
Btw I never took my second dc to be weighed, I was never concerned with their weight gain or anything so I never really could be bothered being totally honest !!
You can decline the services but I always would get paranoid that would raise eyebrows !! But that's just me

Unless she’s dramatically misunderstood her role she must be worried about something to be visiting weekly. Does your baby have a social worker?

I was going to ask this too @AnnaTortoiseshell

I don't think she means she'll be around weekly to weigh him until he's 5 - I think she means weekly for the time being.

However, you can decline the visits.
Call and tell her and then also put it in writing via email so you have a paper trail

Technically health visiting is "health surveillance" and you will have ticked a box to consent on your booking in paperwork.

However, it's not obvious what you're consenting to (I asked).

So as you have to give consent, I assume you can withdraw it.

I didn't see the health visitor (I think I went to the clinic once or twice and did the 2 year check) and declined the home Midwife visits.

Weekly? Are there any other concerns? That sounds a lot. I never saw mine that much!

But to answer your question, you don't have to see them.

She clearly has concerns. If you don’t engage next step will be social services.

Yes you can decline.

weekly weighing isn’t ideal anyway, their weight fluctuates so much and by such tiny amounts it tends to create anxiety around weight gain, when in reality it’s something like a different set of scales or a big poo makes it seems like weight loss.

my hav would not weigh routinely for those reasons. Only on request, and even then reluctantly. Said you can see better if a baby is thriving with your eyes rather than a number on a scale.

if your baby is otherwise healthy and there are no other concerns, social services involvement etc, I’d be giving them a ring and saying you’ll seek advice/help if and when you need it by visiting clinic.

after my perfectly healthy eldest was subjected to a battery of tests by an over keen hv who had me terrified about weight gain, I didn’t take my youngest at all.

You can theoretically refuse visits, but I don’t think it’s a sensible thing to do and could result I a referral to social services. I’d just warn her that you’re ill, if she decides to come anyway then let her in to weigh the baby and then she’ll leave you alone. It’ll take 10 minutes. And don’t you want to check baby’s weight (sounds like she is concerned)?

Think of how this looks from her perspective- she’s probably really worried about you or the baby. She’s part of the safeguarding of your child. And you can’t not have noticed the horrific stories lately of abuse/ neglect/ death etc which have resulted from a lack of joined up care.

If you're not getting along with that HV you can ask for a different one. That might be a better idea than refusing altogether, especially if they have concerns.

But also, in case this helps, she won’t be coming weekly until he’s 5 if everything is broadly fine. I had mind weighed every couple of weeks for the first 3 months, then a couple of routine visits, then that was it really (apart from standard checks/ vaccinations).

It sounds like there might be a backstory and she’s genuinely concerned about you? Around here health visitors barely exist. They don’t do home visits and baby weighing clinics were phased out 8-9 years ago. Weekly home visits are not the norm.

I slept through an impromptu health visitor check with my first which prompted a request for weekly visits. After a few weeks I started going to the surgery weighing clinic and the visits stopped. I was just tired!
Second baby I wasn’t even visited at home.
It’s their job to check everything is fine. Just phone back and have a chat.

You’re under their care for the first 5 years. You won’t see them every week for 5 years.

You're not doing yourselves any favours by avoiding her. She'll probably escalate her concerns. Her job is to look out for your baby's welfare and by refusing to see her you're probably making her think there's a problem.

How do you know he's gaining enough weight if no one's weighing him? Milestones at 6 weeks aren't likely to be advanced either. Just let her in.

I declined but all we had was an intro call (they were still doing virtual appointments) when baby was a few weeks old, then an offer of a 1 year check which I declined because DC was in a research study some was getting one from a paediatrician instead, then an offer of a 2 year check which I also declined on the basis I wasn’t concerned about anything and it was at a clinic in a neighbouring borough in a hard to get to location, and only one offer of a time. All booking here is done through a central admin team too, shared across several boroughs so the HV never contacts you directly to arrange anything. Sounds really odd that they’re in touch that much want to see you weekly if there’s nothing medically to be concerned about. Is there anything else going on? If not I’d just ask about the weigh clinic and say you’ll drop into that when you’re better.

I can't imagine HVs having time to do weekly visits to every child for 5 years. Are you sure that is what she said? IME over the years the statutory visits were once between 10 days and 6 weeks. Extra visits or invitation to baby clinic only if there were concerns. Then developmental checks at around 12 months, 18 months, 3 years. Contact with appts for hearing test and routine immunizations.
I had a friend whose baby was born with a serious heart condition and needed surgery and medication. The HV visited weekly and was very supportive in helping to liaise with GP, hospital and so on, but that was unusual circumstances.
I think they are pretty swamped with safeguarding issues these days. My nieces never saw one. Never saw a community midwife either.

I think you’ve misunderstood her. She has recommended weekly visits for the time being I don’t think she means until he is 5.

Id just let her see baby and weigh him. They have a responsibility to check on baby and that’s what they are doing.

@AnnaTortoiseshell I agree, HV does not have capacity to do weekly visits till the child is 5 (not in the UK anyway) - so she is concerned about something. Possibly babies weight (especially if you have been ill). I would call her and explain and book a time when she can come round, once she is assured baby is ok she will reduce the visits.

Weekly seems excessive unless issues have been flagged. Are you returning her calls or just ignoring her?

With the recent case of the toddler who starved to death in a house where his father had died she is probably worried that you have said you are ill and then gets no answer from you at the door or on the phone.

Personally I'd let her in once to show her everything is fine and then decline the service if you don't want it.

I saw my HV weekly for 2 months then fortnightly as long as I saw my cpn on the other week for 3 months then we had 3 months of seeing her monthly. Then saw her every 6 months until my daughter was 2 and we moved and had an intro appointment and her 2year check and nothing since. My daughter is now 3.5 and her paediatrician has asked her HV to get back in touch.

My daughter had extreme crying and feeding issues which were later diagnosed as severe reflux and allergies. Our HV was our main advocate that it wasn't normal even though the GP were saying it was. I had severe pnd and she was a visiting shoulder and helped to keep me out of hospital in the early days although I did ultimately get admitted. For us weighing baby was a small part of what our HV did for us. She arranged for me to have a baby massage course with her colleague to help with bonding and put a referral in to the infant parenting service who offered me therapy to support bonding. I had support with weaning and then when the dietician decision that my daughters allergies were in my head my HV spoke to the dietician and got her to give us another chance and that has enabled us to have good dietician support.

In the early days my daughter saw more of the HV than her grandparents but I'm so grateful for the support I got from her. Every HV is different and they span from very helpful to very unhelpful. I just wanted to put my story here as a positive from active hv support unrelated to weight gain

You have told her you are so ill she cannot visit. That's likely to have raised a concern. You said you have both been 'very sick' and that you can't have 'any visits at the minute'

It's fine to say 'oh can we do it next week, I have a bad throat infection' but what you said is utterly dramatic and certainly will raise an eyebrow (or a red flag)