Can I decline the health visitor?

[FtmB]

So I have started seeing the health visitor with baby boy, he’s now 6 weeks old and she wants to see him every week. Considering she’s stated she’s around until he’s 5 I cannot handle that weekly.
additionally, me and my partner have been very sick lately. I had strep throat one week, then my partner caught something in work last week, and I’ve now caught that off him as well. It’s been a nightmare. In response to that we’ve told her we won’t be able to have any visits a minute as I’m so poorly, I can’t even look after myself, let alone the house, so need to focus all my energy on just the baby for now. Since then I’ve had her turning up at my door leaving notes about being concerned, and voice mails saying she’s worried and desperately needs to weigh the baby.
I just find it all a bit baffling? I’ve stated I’m just sick a minute so why the concern? And for background, babies put on a healthy amount of weight each week and has been a bit advanced in terms of milestones so I don’t understand the worry?

long story short, she’s becoming more of a hassle than help, and weekly appointments just to weigh him until he’s 5 seems a lot. We don’t feel as though we need her visiting and would rather her service go to a family who does. We thought the health visitor was going to be another midwife like service that we could just reach out to if we had any concerns, not weekly visits for the next 5 years?

@LoveBluey your experience was disgraceful but unsurprising to hear that a state provided universal service makes no adjustment for the needs of working mothers.

Wow. We had when he was born, 1 year and 2 year. And the 2 year appointment is 4 months late lol.

Ive never heard of weekly visits for 5 years that's insane! We last saw our HV when DD was 9 months maybe? And the nexg check should be at 2 but still haven't heard anything and she's 2.2 now! That seems very bizarre!

Your baby is still very young, so frequent visits are to be expected at the moment. They will tail off after a few weeks (if all is well) and then you'll have a couple of reviews. I didn't see a health visitor after the newborn days until last week when I had my sons 2 year review. She then said I could access the HV team until he was five but they wouldn't contact me. When people refuse visits they will press to see the child. Annoying yes, but in some cases it's in the best interest of the child

I would definitely let her in if she's saying she's concerned. Let her see baby is fine, but also tell her you're finding weekly too much and see if she might reduce the schedule or swap some visits to a quick phone or video call. You can of course decline visits but equally she could refer to safeguarding if she's concerned, and you can't really decline that, so probably best to keep her on side.

Re: the illnesses, it's terrible, there's loads doing the rounds and you and baby don't need it at all. Ask her to wear a mask when she visits in case she is asymptomatic/pre-symptomatic for anything, and wear one yourself too. A slightly open window and/or HEPA air purifier will help keep you and baby safer from airborne bugs too. If you and your husband are able to wear a mask where appropriate that will help reduce the risk of catching anything, as will using an antiviral nasal spray before and after leaving the house (for you and husband).

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon and are able to sort something out with the health visitor.

The childhood abuse is a huge red flag to HVs.

If you've not had good role models for parenting it does place you at a disadvantage.

Fine, you were ill but don't you understand that people with something to hide will lie and say they are ill to avoid HV visits?

Unusual. Usually they only bother visiting after first few fews if they think somwthings not right. My grandson had visit at 12 days 6 weeks then she took him for 2 year check

Ah op I also think this is a case of crossed wires. If someone messaged me that in a work capacity saying they're barely able to look after themselves etc I'd worry they are maybe struggling and need extra support so I'd make an extra effort to be available to them incase I could be of help. I'd also want to weigh that baby to be sure they haven't picked up any bugs and are still gaining well because a cold could cause a weight drop.

At that age, weight can fluctuate really really quickly for babies so I can understand why she'd want to be keeping on top of things.

Your hv won't see you weekly until baby is 5, it just means they'll be there in the background if you need help until they're 5. Ds only had weekly visits until he was about 3 months. After that we didn't have a visit for nearly 2 months and his weight took a sudden drop. So it can happen.

If you don't like your specific hv you can request a new one HRTFT but it seems like you haven't really got meeting her enough to really get to know her.

It's ultimately a voluntary service but in my experience it's been a good one, my hv was fab and was able to give me lots of info and support. I didn't need it in the early weeks but at around 4 months ish we hit a few snags and she was really useful then. Ds hasn't seen hv since he was 7 months and has just now done his year check up at 13 months. So it's only weekly at the very beginning.

Weekly is not typical. That come from a place of concern.

Where did the OP say she had other health issues apart from the common cold?

With the toddler referred to his father had known health issues.

I've never heard of this. It does seem massively excessive.
You could phone the office if you're not comfortable and explain.
It makes me wonder how they have the time to visit one person so often!

In the OP.