Can I decline the health visitor?

[FtmB]

So I have started seeing the health visitor with baby boy, he’s now 6 weeks old and she wants to see him every week. Considering she’s stated she’s around until he’s 5 I cannot handle that weekly.
additionally, me and my partner have been very sick lately. I had strep throat one week, then my partner caught something in work last week, and I’ve now caught that off him as well. It’s been a nightmare. In response to that we’ve told her we won’t be able to have any visits a minute as I’m so poorly, I can’t even look after myself, let alone the house, so need to focus all my energy on just the baby for now. Since then I’ve had her turning up at my door leaving notes about being concerned, and voice mails saying she’s worried and desperately needs to weigh the baby.
I just find it all a bit baffling? I’ve stated I’m just sick a minute so why the concern? And for background, babies put on a healthy amount of weight each week and has been a bit advanced in terms of milestones so I don’t understand the worry?

long story short, she’s becoming more of a hassle than help, and weekly appointments just to weigh him until he’s 5 seems a lot. We don’t feel as though we need her visiting and would rather her service go to a family who does. We thought the health visitor was going to be another midwife like service that we could just reach out to if we had any concerns, not weekly visits for the next 5 years?

OP has said her and her partner are too sick to have a home visit, turning up at a clinic is going to look more suspicious.

I declined mine. Turned up on door unannounced and I said I didn't want any health visitor support thank you. Never heard from them again. Didn't go to any of the clinics either. Was my third child though, so I knew, due to the stress all the questions and weigh ins has caused me previously that it wasn't benefiting me in anyway.

Ask her why she wants to come so often when everything is going well. I've never heard of weekly visits after the first couple of weeks.

But you shouldn't have had to accept weekly weigh-ins in lieu of an optional service.

we are packing up a while after my new baby arrives in the summer to go travelling for 3 months - will not be engaging with the health visitor this time round - don't feel I need it and won't be in the Country anyway!

Yes, but if they are feeling better now then this might be an option.

Please check again that weekly visits are planned. Seems highly unlikely that every baby in the area could be weighed that often? I've never heard of that before. A lot of people struggle to access their health visitor.

Mine came maybe twice in my DD's whole life so it's definitely OTT. I would ring the maternity hub and explain your position and say that you will take baby to be weighed when needed but you don't need the HV round your house every week thank you.

Hopefully you will at least organise your baby's immunisations before you go?

Every week? No thanks. Is that the norm in certain areas? Hv came to the house , I took ds's to be weighed for a few weeks, certain developmental checks, that's enough of pesky HV's thanks!

@shearwater2

Yes, but if they are feeling better now then this might be an option.

It's too late for it to be an option. The concern is already present. The HV will absolutely want to do a home visit now.

If you are at all concerned, make sure there's somebody with you, unannounced, i.e. your mum or DH there at the said appointment and then when they turn up they don't like that at all!

yes @porridgecake

Have you read the news recently? Be grateful they are so diligent and there may be one less dead or abused child in your area as a result. Engage with them and see them as a help not a hinderance. Don't worry about the state of your house, a bit of clutter etc won't bother anyone. They won't be popping in weekly until he's 5 but as per other pp you will be invited for less and less frequent review sessions. Regularly cancelling or DNA appts for children are red flags for any services so worth bearing this in mind as you could get yourself into a vicious cycle of even more appts if you don't engage. If you're ill surely your partner could do the comms/appt arranging? Just ring her, explain and apologise for your unavailability until now and get a date in to see her asap.

Yanbu. Tell her thanks for the offer but no thanks. Definitely decline then put in a complaint.

I think she just means she will need to see him until he's 5, but that definitely won't mean weekly.

I think I saw our HV a few times in the first 2/3 weeks and then she left us to it.

Is there a reason why she might be concerned? It does seem weird to want to see you weekly.

They absolutely were a hindrance to me. The weekly weighing caused months of unnecessary worry, interfered with breastfeeding, led to my months old baby having blood tests and scans. I jumped through all their hoops as they had me terrified I was starving her or she had some terrible metabolic disease.

only when I got a sensible HV who took one look at her and agreed there was no way she had anything seriously wrong, she was just on the small side and breast rather than formula fed (back when the red books only had the formula graphs). He told me to stop weighing, or at least cut it to monthly minimum, and I’d find all the “issues” went away.

even the paeds consultant at the hospital’s first question was “is it you that’s worried or the HV?” And couldn’t have rolled their eyes further when I said HV.

even if there are red flags re. Social services, there’s no need to be weekly weighing. An informal chat or just popping in for a cup of tea is more appropriate.

At the end of the day the HV is doing her job. The are so many children that are neglected/abused and health visiting plays a vital roll in safeguarding these children. I'm sure OP is taking excellent care of her child, but the HV needs to be assured of this, other wise safeguarding concerns will need to be raised and social services involved.

OP should engage with HV, and once satisfied I should imagine weekly visits will not be needed, if nothing else the NHS doesn't have capacity to offer this except in cases of strictest need.

The HV is not there to judge your housekeeping skills, but to check on the welfare of you and your child. I , like many others also found the home visits stressful with a new baby , but as there were no issues, I had my standard 2 visits and will not need to see the HV until DD is 12 months.

But continued refusal to engage with HV is only going to raise suspicions and rightly so.

Complaint about what? Doing her job?
I doubt the HV is twiddling her thumbs looking for people to annoy.

Wow wow wow, I didn’t expect so much of a response.
firstly, I want to thank the people who actually responded nicely lmao. thank you for your advice and experiences. I will take them in. I may have misunderstood the weekly visits until he was 5, it did seem excessive.

I’d like to state some of you have taken a summary and rang with it. We spoke to the HV on the phone and explained how we were sick. We didn’t just text her with no details. I didn’t think I’d have to go into deep deep detail on a quick post. To follow up, I have caught sickness twice in the last 3 weeks. It has been hell. I’ve had such bad joint pain I couldn’t even lift Bubs up and this fever is like no other. Just because the word “sick” or “ill” doesn’t come with the feeling someone is experiencing, doesn’t mean you can dismissing it and assume their hiding something?
The week inbetween the father got sick. Idk about you but I’d rather not go somewhere, where everyone’s ill, so I don’t know how me informing the HV of that now means my living conditions are poor and we’re not fit parents? She’s came and seen our bedroom a few days postpartum where I hadn’t tackled the washing at the end of my pregnancy and she was FINE!!

secondly, babies red book states the visit schedule and it’s not the one being provided. It is way too much. Bubs hasn’t been sleeping well (obviously) with cluster feeding and sleep regression, so that paired with whatever we’ve had sickness wise, hasn’t really made us mentally in the headspace for visitors. ONCE AGAIN THIS WAS EXPLAINED.
therefore, when someone is just turning up to our house and leaving voicemails stating worry as if we haven’t spoke each week It is a bit much.

oh and also there is no “back story”. Completely health pregnancy, health birth, healthy baby, healthy mum and dad. No postpartum depression. Home is usually tidy, we’re in a nice area (living wise), everything’s fine. Some HVs in the UK are difficult, some are nice, it all depends on the the individual.

another person was questioning how I know babies weight is fine if she doesn’t visit, he has been putting weight on since he popped out. He’s a chunk. he’s fineee!

please stop assuming that a small summary paints a huge picture. Bubs is really well looked after, HV stated how aware and happy he seemed in every visit we did have. I was just asking a quick question because I don’t feel as though we need someone just coming to weigh him, the service doesn’t seem useful to us, and turning up to my house unannounced when I’ve communicated to you is just ridiculous.

also my partner works. Idk what countries y’all are from but he doesn’t get much paternity and my HVs don’t do weekend visits.

I have rebooked an appointment with her, it’s not that I’m not letting her in, I’m not hiding anything. I really don’t understand where you people have gone with this post😂 I’m also not being defensive towards her? I’m literally just saying I’ve been very ill, communicated effectively and the woman’s still rocking up. If it is a voluntary service so why are y’all making it out as if I’m breaking the law and not prioritising my child if I refuse the service?
I literally just wanted to know if I could stop the visits and just reach out when needing advice as some older posts have stated that was available a good few years ago.
clearly HV appointments are a bit of a touchy subject?

Also Bubs doesn’t have a social worker. There’s no need for one. Both me and the dad live together, and no harm being done to baby.
After reading some more comments, the weekly visits could be due to my support system being small. I cut my family out years ago due to childhood abuse, so we only have my partners side but they live awhile away. So when my partners working away for business I am on my own. I’m guess that’s what could have caused the increased visits?
but once again, I have nothing against this woman, she’s lovely, like I stated I just wanted to know if I could call them when needed instead of having them come out all the time.

Complain about what?

OP herself has raised red flags here with her overly dramatic language about being too sick to even look after herself, then refusing to engage. That would almost certainly have raised concerns so the HV is, in this case, doing her job.

No, you don't have to continue to engage with the Health Visitor service. Best to start off on the right foot though. If you say you can't even look after yourself, as it seems OP did, then of course they will be concerned about things and want to check on the mother and baby. As they should.

I saw ours for the first two or three weeks I think when ours were newborns, then maybe once a month for a few months at the weigh-in clinic (for maybe the next 6 months), then only at the usual development checks (1 year, 2 years). Not again after that.

Also, remember that we in no way know OP's full circumstances and background from just a few lines written here. There might be good reason for the concern that has led up to this, or there might not. We simply don't know.

Yes, you can call them when needed. Go to a few appointments now though, or let them come round so that it is clear that there are no problems. Then just go to the occasional weigh in clinic and development checks.

It really doesn't need to be a great big issue.

Okay, I did not tell the HV I was too sick to look after myself. That’s what I wrote because I see me not being able to bring myself to shower due to exhaustion as unable to look after myself? I swear none of you have ever been sick before?

Seeing the HV every week would do my fucking head in. I was umming and ahhing over the routine 2 visits a couple of times with each newborn