Can I decline the health visitor?

[FtmB]

So I have started seeing the health visitor with baby boy, he’s now 6 weeks old and she wants to see him every week. Considering she’s stated she’s around until he’s 5 I cannot handle that weekly.
additionally, me and my partner have been very sick lately. I had strep throat one week, then my partner caught something in work last week, and I’ve now caught that off him as well. It’s been a nightmare. In response to that we’ve told her we won’t be able to have any visits a minute as I’m so poorly, I can’t even look after myself, let alone the house, so need to focus all my energy on just the baby for now. Since then I’ve had her turning up at my door leaving notes about being concerned, and voice mails saying she’s worried and desperately needs to weigh the baby.
I just find it all a bit baffling? I’ve stated I’m just sick a minute so why the concern? And for background, babies put on a healthy amount of weight each week and has been a bit advanced in terms of milestones so I don’t understand the worry?

long story short, she’s becoming more of a hassle than help, and weekly appointments just to weigh him until he’s 5 seems a lot. We don’t feel as though we need her visiting and would rather her service go to a family who does. We thought the health visitor was going to be another midwife like service that we could just reach out to if we had any concerns, not weekly visits for the next 5 years?

This is heartbreaking! 😔

Oh come on OP, don't be ridiculous. We made our comments based on information you have. If that's not true then it's your problem, not ours.

You have told her that you are too ill to look after yourself or the house! She is going to be concerned about yours and the babies welfare.

If you are ignoring her at the door the next steps will be social services. They have a duty of care to ensure that you and the baby are fit and well (including minor seasonal ailments).

Can you imagine the front page headlines if she just didn't bother for a few months and something terrible happened to either of you.

You assaulted a HCP doing their job? That is appalling. Some of the stuff on this thread is awful.

I’m surprised after you physically assaulted her you didn’t have social services knocking at your door. Shocking.

@porridgecake completely agree. And then people always blame the “authorities” immediately when something goes wrong. I’m shocked that people don’t put the welfare of their children first.

@mommyfive

Years ago I grabbed one by her throat and thew her out my front door she disrespected me in my own home throwing some very odd bizarre accusations for absolutely no reason and believe me I ain't the sort of person to take any stick from man or woman it's safe to say she didn't return and I reported her

You're very lucky you weren't reported to the police and charged with assault if this actually happened so I'm assuming you're just being Billy big bollocks on here and this didn't actually happen...

You're also lucky social services weren't heavily involved after you apparently assaulted a health visitor.

I call BS.

OP@FtmB she really isn’t going to be around weekly til he is 5 to weigh him!!! I agree, please engage in order to reduce what is perhaps a concern for her….I’ve been there twice, had a couple of social work visits as I had PND and I received a lot of SUPPORT from my HV…you do need to accept they are there to ensure a. Your baby is safe and well b. You are safe and well……as soon as they are happy with the situation you won’t hear anything from them , I can tell you that having been through it twice! Are you a young mum? Also , I can tell you that childhood trauma / abuse does often come up at some point once you become a parent so please be aware of this.

You're an absolute arsehole.

@FtmB I would phone and rebook an appointment, they won't come weekly til bubs is 5, if he's putting weight on and everything's going well they'll likely bugger off after this visit. We had weekly weighs for the first 2 months with youngest dd, and like yourself it was just one illness after the other in this house (its bloody rough, 22 month old ds and 8 month old dd, one got over it then the other started showing signs of it was like a bloody merry-go-round) so had to reschedule a fair few times, you sound like you get one with her so just have a wee convo to explain and all should be well.

Barely saw HV, but what we did of them, they were absolutely useless! The feeding programmes mine were put on in the early days and the number of appointments was ridiculous. Really affected early bonding with my little ones.......
Sounds totally over the top to have that much HV input....

Mine was extremely helpful, I had a great relationship with her and found her advice and support invaluable.

In my experience the HV didn't stay around for 5 years. She visited weekly for maybe 2-3 months, then she just gave me the address of the family clinic (or whatever they are called) and invited me to book an appointment there regularly to have him measured and weighted, and to get answers should I need them. I didn't bother going back after he was 1 I think, and simply relied on my GP.

No chance you grabbed her by the throat and didn’t get arrested and charged with assault. No way in hell!

Social services are not child snatchers either unless you demonstrate that you are in no fit state to look after them or there is evidence of abuse. I can’t imagine your completely not real violent outburst would have proven you to be a stable parent.

You sound like an arse!

Did you really assault someone who was just doing their job or are you trying to big yourself up to look like even more of a twat?

I somehow doubt that there is any truth in your assertions.

You've probably flagged up as usually illness is cleared up in a few days so the appointment can be rescheduled. Seems like you have been avoiding all contact and for a number of weeks; thus raising concerns from her.
By 'being around until he's 5' I imagine it's just the way she said it, rather than being literally. We didn't see the HV after the mandatory appointments, but we did get back in contact when he was 3 or 4 to speak about a concern. They were the point of contact for that age group.

There must be more too this, weekly visits? You say there are no concerns but in your op it says there is concerns she has expressed, turning up unannounced posting notes and leaving voicemails is NOT normal, and she is clearly concerned, I saw my daughters HV once, yes once when she was 9 days old, never saw her again, she said I could come to the clinic if I wanted to but I never did she is now 6! That’s one time. You’ve obviously concerned her

@mommyfive you are talking a load of bollocks.

She sounds concerned.

She won't visit weekly until he's five. I think my HV visited weekly for about 6 weeks and then just saw her for various checks over the next few years. You seem to see it as an intrusion rather than help and support. Try to change your mindset, HV can be very knowledgeable and are there to help you, they are not judging the state of your house, they will expect there to be some mess etc as it's a big adjustment looking after a newborn. I had the same HV with my first 4 babies and she became like an old friend!

That sounds really strange.
I saw my health visitor once when I was pregnant and then once when my son was about 5 days old.
After that there were optional weekly drop in sessions at the local clinic.
You could either weigh your own baby or if you had a concern there was someone there to speak to and they would weigh your baby for you.
I missed a few and never heard from them.

Do what my cousin did: move house when the baby is 8 weeks old and totally drop off the HV radar (inadvertently). Drastic, but it works.

There MUST be a reason she's decided she needs to visit weekly. It's not normal at all, something has made her think she needs too.

I'm a safeguarding advisor in a 0-19 team (encompasses the HV team). If you are in the UK the service you are being 'offered' or, in your case, made to have, is called an enhanced 'universal plus' service which is beyond the normal. This only gets put in place if you are worried that a mum may be suffering from post natal depression, that key appointments haven't been attended without reason anf you're worried for the welfare of mums and babies, if the baby isn't thriving (not putting on weight etc) as they should be or there is a safeguarding concern like DA, neglect or substance misuse. I think in this case there has been some sort of breakdown in communication.

I would ring and ask why you are receiving so many more calls/visits than your peers with babies the same age. They should be able to give you a reason. At that point you can decline if you want to. I'm sorry it's added stress to your first few weeks - they're hard enough without being ill.

I think sometimes HV's can have a hang up on a previous bad/poorly managed safeguarding experience which then makes them worry about similar situations without really seeing the picture in front of them at the time. She is trying to keep you and your baby safe but in this instance it may be misguided!