18month old not at nursery, is this detriment? MIL commented on his ‘lack of skills’ EEK

[aimeeeleanor]

My son will be 18 months in 10 days. I’m lucky enough to work flexible hours from home as I am self employed. So he is with myself 95% of the time, unless Grandparents want him for the day

ANYWAY, my MIL recently commented on my sons ‘lack of skills’ and I was flabbergasted. I value her opinion tremendously but she admitted she’s been googling the ‘norms’ for this age and it definitely took me off guard. She said she think he’d benefit being away from me a bit more to help him gain skills

Granted, there are some things he can’t do.

She brought up his lack of ‘shared interest’

• he tends to play independently. Though he does bring us toys & say ‘ta’ if he wants us to turn them on / off. Or just wants to give us them. Or tease us & then take them back immediately haha
• doesn’t respond to his name all the time. He definitely does respond straight away sometimes, but most of the time we have to call his name many times before he looks
• doesn’t shake for no or nod for yes
• doesn’t like other children hugging him, he’ll cry & pull away
• he’s not very sturdy, if that’s the right word. Won’t go down slides without help or climb on the sofa etc without help
• clingy to me. If i leave his sight around strangers, he cries. Normally fine if someone else he knows like my husband or grandparents are with him

He does do the following

• i haven’t counted but I reckon he can say around 100 words. And says a lot of them in context. Names animals, fetches the right to us when we ask for something specific
• signs a few words (thanks ms rachel!)
• does like to engage with other children. He’s drawn to them & likes to be around them, particularly older children! But they better not hug him haha. He’ll follow them around
• sleeps like a dream
• eats well
• walks
• in regards to shared interest, at meal times he definitely looks to us for a reaction when he’s throwing food off his plate! With a cheeky grin on his face at the same time
• imitates us laughing / coughing & he finds it hilarious

Not sure what the point of this is really, word vomit?! Haha. She just has me worried. Does he sound like he’s developing ok? She has me concerned now. Am I doing him a dis-service by not having him around other kids more?

I will add that I take him to a morning playgroup on a Monday, Wednesday & Thursday. Tuesdays & / or Fridays we go to a local play centre for a 90 minute session in the afternoon. So he does get to see other children every single day, he’s not just stuck at home with me

thanks guys, one very overthinking mummy x

I also must add, he is just an absolute JOY! I adore spending my time with him, it’s my favourite part of life :) I just want whats best for him & to make sure he is developing at the right pace x

Tell her to piss off and mind her own business.

I say that, after posting my own thread about my own mil.

I need to grow a pair, maybe we both do!

He is doing brilliantly! So are you! Ignore MIL and no more overthinking. Seriously.

Sounds totally normal to me

@SwordToFlamethrower Haha i mean i could! Very much of the generation of - I have an opinion & I’m going to give it no matter what. My mum’s the same. Although she tends to be more passive aggressive (if that’s the right term) “Oh did Mummy not put any socks on you today? Your feet must be cold musn’t they’ 😅

Heya,

Nursery assistant here !

Your child seems perfectly normal. A lot of child their age don't enjoy physical touch from other children, I see this all the time at nursery and I gently remind them that some children don't like to be touched ( hugged .)This is completely normal. Your child is only 18 months old, they are young. Children develop in their own time. If you're worried their key person
Should be planning activities based around their interests and supporting them and also supporting you, not making you feel like your child isn't normal.

He sounds absolutely lovely. I wouldn’t worry or listen.

Another thing with his walking that's also normal. Things that can support him are like :

• don't carry him encourage walking
• make sure it's his next step at nursery, activities that support that
• Make sure the shoes are appropriate and not chunky

and a really important thing to do is when he does something on his own like climb a slide even go up one step, overreact. Clap.
, smile, jump around and use words like well done, you did it all on your own and look at you ! Etc

He sounds perfectly normal, I wouldn't worry at all! In fact he's further ahead than other children I know of the same age (who are also perfectly normal).

Ignore your MIL.

She's trying to undermine your confidence for some reason.

He's only 18 months old and he's lucky to spend so much time with you, theres absolutely no need for an 18 month old to be in nursery unless you need it for childminding reasons. I'd ignore her.

Ignore he sounds fine!
Sounds like you have a nice set up that works for you all.
Classic MIL behaviour

Your MIL is a moron, research shows that it's desirable for children to spend their first 1000 days with their primary caregiver. You also go to playgroup so he's getting social interaction with other children and people so that's not an issue either. Your child sounds fine and most people would kill to have a child who plays independently! I'd just ignore her or perhaps ask her exactly what she means and if she has an issue with your parenting.

She’s really overstepping the mark here and needs to reign her neck in!

Developmentally normal.

Tell MIL you’ve asked for advice (but don’t mention that it was from MumsNet) and everyone said it was age appropriate behaviour.

Sounds like there's a distinct lack of skills on her part - accurate information gathering and tact.

You think nursery could be better than an attentive one to one parent who does playgroups? Nope. Miserable woman.

Not sure why you think her behaviour is a generational thing?!

But it does sound like she's really overstepped the mark. Don't let her undermine you.

Since you are doing regular playgroup sessions I wouldn't worry. Developed seems good my nursery cared for daughter only had a working vocab of 3 words at 18 months as she lost words when she learnt new words. The only thing a mum alone can't do that nursery can do is peer to peer socialising but add a weekly toddler group to mum and you've got that sorted. My daughter gets as much from a 1h15m toddler group plus time with me and family as she does on the other days when she is in nursery all day.

I don't think 'peer to peer' socialising is particularly important tbh, kids this age really don't really play together. If you think about it, throughout human history kids will primarily have socialised with their own siblings so the interest in older children makes sense, doesn't it?

I think he sounds like an absolute sweetheart ❤️ and developing normally.

As lots of others have said children all develop at their own rate. He is developing language, is sociable and interacts appropriately with you and enjoys older children (which is exactly like my DS, he’s 2.5 now and only just starting to show interest in children the same age, but has adored his older cousins for about a year) and he’s meant to be clingy with you. You are his safety. He has plenty of time to develop confidence with other people. He’s a baby still for heavens sake!

With the physical stuff as another poster said just give him plenty of opportunities to practice and lots of encouragement.

You can always ask your health visitor for more reassurance - and you should have had his ages and stages check - were they worried there?

They don't play but they see how other small children play. My super shy toddler took over a year to speak to a little boy we played with weekly but when we got home she would experiment with playing with her toys in the way he had been playing with similar toys in the toddler group earlier that day.

I don't think it has to be a lot but if a stay at home child did a single 1ish hour toddler group or visiting a general place with small people playing a week they could benefit from having that time with small people

An 18 month old does not need to be at nursery.

Your MIL's attitude is ass-backwards. If she wants to help, googling and then criticising is not the way to do it. A "lack of skills", ffs, he's not a 30-year-old accountant! He sounds totally normal to me and seeing other kids every day at groups is loads.

All kids are different. He sounds like he's doing great to me. 100 words is waaaaaaay more than my now-8-year old, perfectly intelligent, talks-the-hind-leg-off-a-donkey son had at that age. Doesn't she understand that "norms" are not minimum standards.

It's weird how many people have convinced themselves that a parent is no longer adequate to parent a child and it needs a professional to do it. Nothing wrong with nursery he's eighteen months! she is looking for trouble.

clingy to me. If i leave his sight around strangers, he cries. Normally fine if someone else he knows like my husband or grandparents are with him

This actually shows secure attachment.
How has a situation developed where she feels enabled to hold you to account in this way? If she has concerns fine to voice them I guess but whether he'd benefit from being away from you or not (he wouldn't) that's not up to her and not appropriate to even suggest imo.

I think the only thing you need to change going forward is to stop valuing your MIL's opinion tremendously!

Completely normal. Ignore.

My son didn't go to nursery until 3 and was already ahead of peers.

Really doesn't make a difference, especially at only 18 months.