Disciplining 2 year old

[Roxyrocks]

Hi all,

I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old.

She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me)

When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her

Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother"

Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out

Thanks

Of course it works. If I smacked you it would probably work too. If your spouse gave you a slap so hard you knew it hurt, I’m sure it would work then too. What about your boss. Gave you a smack and a firm no. Yup. That would work.

no one is disputing violence works on those weaker than us, more vulnerable than us, reliant on us, of course violence works on them, that’s not the argument. Yes, absolutely. You can stop writing it. Violence. And assault on those weaker and reliant on us, the vulnerable, works in getting them to do what you wish.

But it is sick , abhorrent , illegal in most countries. And it says everything about you that rather than take the time to effectively parent, or that you are so unable to effectively parent, you simply choose violence against your own child as the solution.

@Raqu15 But that's not what I said? I said 'I don't see why her child would turn out that way' as a counterpoint to the PP's statement that BlankPanth's son might grow up to hit and slap people. As in, you're suggesting he might but here's an example of someone who didn't. I didn't issue any blanket statements. Perhaps I should have said 'I don't see why that's the first life path you jump to for BlackPanth's child' to make it clearer.

Not even going to dignify this with a response.

It's best not to give these people are response. Doesn't matter what you say to them they will twist it. My son is not going to grow up to be like that. I certainly didn't.

A*

@blackpanth erm, you were smacked, and now you smack your son. So it's very likely that your DS will grow up and use violence to teach those more vulnerable than him how to behave, just as you have taught him to do.

Ok, so if a man in your office gave you a light smack on the bum in order to reprimand you because you made a mistake. That's okay?

You parent through fear and that's your choice.

I never have and never will have my child afraid to show a negative emotion in front of me for fear of physical retaliation.

That doesn’t have the effect I guess you’re hoping it does. It simply means we read it and see you as unable to formulate an argument against it.

Why would you be able to use logic though. Do you want to hit me? Or is the fact I’m a grown up and maybe I’d hit back a detterant? Do you only hit your child, or do you hit others?

as @Parentingin2024 said, you lived in a home where you grew up with violence. You were hit. So you now see it as normal. And now you dole it out to your own kids. And likely your own child will to his. Although I would hope England will have followed the majority by then and also made it Illegal. Or he will be able to break the cycle of abuse.

Years ago my little sister used to be a bitter. She bit me, bit Mum and my older sisters. Mum and Dad tried everything with her explaining it hurt, reasoning, time out nothing worked. Then she bit a DC at school as Nd the DC bit her back hard. It broke the skin and my sister was in floods of tears. She never bit anyone again. I'm not advocating biting but my sister didn't understand the pain biting caused until she had experienced being bitten. I'd be tempted with a tap on the bottom and NO if she hit a defenceless baby.

I grew up in a living home. My son is growing up in a loving home and thats all that matters.

Loving*

If that's how my son wants to parent it's fine. I grew up in a loving home. My parents aren't violent. Yes they smacked me as I was a little shit at times and guess what it stopped me being a little shit. I love my parents and don't hold it against them. They're brilliant parents.

Oh dear lord. And for what it's worth, I don't believe your story.

Anyhow, if a 'tap' doesn't cause pain then how would this serve any purpose?! By your own (depraved) logic a child needs to feel pain to understand it.

I’m not sure why we keep interacting with you. You think it is brilliant as it’s all you know. And now you do it. And you want to say that because hurting your own children is so abhorrent that it would mean admitting just how awful this is.

and of course you think it’s ok if your son hurt your grandkids. You do it to yours. Why would you object to him doing it to his.

Actually scrub that, I do understand why we are interacting. We are doing it as we are concerned there is a child being hit and we are doing what we can to make it stop and protect them.

@blackpanth you weren't a 'little shit', you were a child trying to learn how to navigate the world and manage your emotions. You were learning how adults behave and who you could trust and forming your view of the world you lived in.

Sadly, the treatment you received has clearly turned you into the very thing your parents were supposedly trying to prevent you from being, so that's a big fail. And now you're turning another innocent child into exactly the same messed up type of adult.

Therapy should be able to help you understand that your parents were wrong, and that so are you.

Good luck.

I don’t think it’s possible to change the minds of ‘tappers’ & other posters who advocate violence & fear as a parenting method.
Just feel so sorry for the children & ultimately their children etc.
Of course it’s their choice until hitting children is made illegal in England.

You don't know me or my parents or anything to do with my upbringing. I honestly find it hilarious that you bring up therapy. We certainly don't need it. None of us are messed up. We are perfectly fine individuals.

Have a nice night

You are twisting my words. My parents are brilliant. Couldn't want for nothing. Gave us everything. Read my latest comment. Done commenting to people who have no clue about anything.

Have a nice night.

We know you hit your child. We know your parents hit you. We know you think you deserved your own abuse for being “a little shit” We know you think hitting is effective parenting. We know you think a parent who hits can be a brilliant parent.

what you don’t know, is you’re wrong. Children fo not deserve to be hit, no matter what they do, and neigher Did you, it’s sad you think you were, that you deserved your abuse. That you think a parent who abuses is brilliant. That it is effective parenting.

It’s sad that you have no concept of how to parent without violence or fear. That you think that’s how it’s done, and don’t understand that as much as some people do hit their child, as some do their wives or girlfriends. It is not ok

if this thread makes you think twice the next time you raise your hand to strike a child. Then we have at least done something.

I suppose you'd have the DC hitting the baby?

What an odd assumption.

@caringcarer can you really only imagine one way of dealing with this issue, by hitting the 2 year old? It's been explained several times on this thread what options there are to address this behaviour whilst also keeping the baby safe. Not a single person is suggesting that the child be allowed to continue to hurt the baby.

I can’t abide violent toddlers . They make everyone’s life an absolute misery; the pain and distress they cause; with the actual violence and then the endless time taken up with time out or explaining or whatever other un age appropriate method people use.

They are 2, have very few reasoning skills and no empathy.Provided they know you love them etc a lesson that violence hurts others can come from hurting them.

when both my older 2 went through the violent stage I said very calmly next time you hit me I will hit you back. They predictably hit me, I slapped them on the back of the leg. They never hit anyone ever again and I never had to hit them again. Sorted! 2 children who learned not to hurt others … very quickly.

I have a 2 year old who hasn’t gone through the violent stage yet but if/when she does she will get the same treatment. However I get so upset by all the times she is attacked by other toddlers who’s parents then say things like “kind hand” and “ I don’t like that” and expect it to work. It’s not fair that my daughter gets hurt because parents will not properly control their kids!