Xl bully- advice am I being unreasonable?!

[Jade1989x]

My daughters dad has just gone and got an xl bully puppy on 31st dec, we are split so my daughter goes to her dads every other weekend. I need peoples advice, in my opinion it is really irresponsible and stupid that he’s gone and got this dog with it now being classed as a dangerous dog and banned breed. I’m now put in a situation where I’m not happy for my daughter to be around this dog yet obviously I still want her to have contact with her dad. I’ve shared my concerns with her dad but don’t really feel like I’ve got anywhere with him just gives me shitty answers back.
As her mother I’m well within my rights to raise any concerns with him about the safety of my child.
if you was in my situation what would you do? This is so stressful and causing me anxiety, my daughter is 11 but she is an anxious girl and not very confident around animals. She understands my concerns but I feel like as her mom I need to stand by my concerns. I just don’t know where I stand with this or what direction to go in.
please be kind, as I know this is a sensitive subject but I need advice.

If you want to know what other mums would do about it - I would do anything to prevent my child going into a house with one of those dogs. As she's 11, she gets a say. So I'd make sure she was fully aware of what these animals are, the reason they've been banned, how strong and unpredictable and aggressive they can be, the well-publicised attacks for which they've been responsible in the last couple of years and, as previous posters have said, no court will force her against her will to visit him while the dog is there. He has made this choice, he is the terrible parent in this scenario and he should face the consequences. Don't put your daughter at risk. Make sure she's informed of the facts about these dogs.

I haven’t said anything incorrect. The mother has no legal right to prevent access.

Courts will listen to the child’s voice but if they think the child is being “alienated” by the mother they can and do force the child to stay at the other parent. They’ve even been known to award custody.

I think it is important to note that the OP has said repeatedly she doesn't want to stop access. Just that she doesn't want her DD around the dog.

So worst case scenario, the Court would be sympathetic to her even if they didn't agree. So please don't try and scare her that she'd be the one in trouble. She wouldn't. It's a more than valid concern for a parent. Courts are not wholly unreasonable, even if the law compels them to make certain decisions.

Just because a father (or mother) legally has access doesn't mean they can just do whatever they want when a child's in their care. The child still needs to be safe.

As others have said, being a puppy you still have some time. I would offer any other form of access that would ensure your DD is safe. Time together away from his home, or maybe at another of his relatives? That way he can't argue that you're keeping your DD away from him.

Also, as others have said, at 11 she has agency. She can say that she still wants to see her dad without the dog present. No Court will go against that because he's still getting to see her. It's actually a reasonable compromise.

Whilst this may be true, the fact OP's EXDP has failed to declare the fact he has a. child routinely staying at the property provides strong evidence a) he is not fully prepared for this dangerous dog and what it is required to maintain the safety of all around it and b) that OP cannot be reasonably expected to consider her daughter not to be at risk from harm whilst in his property.

In his case I reiterate previous advice to OP, get some solid legal advice, amend but do not deny contact and maintain your daughter's safety a all costs, these dogs do not grant second chances sadly, anybody who thinks otherwise is clearly misinformed, whether the cause is poor owners or poor breeding, the results are too dangerous to contemplate.

@AnneValentine

Stop now. I don't know what you're getting out of trying to scare the OP but you're talking rubbish. Saying she doesn't want to be around the dog is nowhere near "parental alienation". If you have any knowledge at all then you would know exactly what that is. And this isn't it.

Exactly this, regardless of legislation, regardless of he level of common sense the OP's EXH possesses or not, by the time the issue raises itself, it is to late to make the situation right. Awful position OP is placed in by her moronic EXH.

Not may be true. It is true. Stop misleading the OP.

There is no requirement to state that there is a child routinely staying the property and even if there were you have no idea whether he stated it or not.

Me trying to scare the OP?! Like all these people advising unlawful behaviour and talking about steroid pumped dogs. Give me a break. Perhaps if people were giving her actual useful accurate advice I wouldn’t need to keep correcting nonsense.

As luck would have it the OP has shown herself to be balanced and beyond reasonable with how she plans to address it. And she will remain within the confines of what is lawful. Bravo to her based on some of the nonsense on this thread.

Op please just tread carefully if you do this. Try not to make her choose between what in her mind might be unfair mum telling her these dogs are vicious v's cute puppy who is clearly not viscious and dad. 11 year olds are still very immature and can be contrary.

This completely sums things up.
I work with dogs daily and until now have never been fearful of them , xlbullys are something else altogether , when you have been up close to one it really brings home how there is bugger all you could do if it turned on you and how little chance you have .
My child would not be let anywhere near this breed , it only takes once and they are so unpredictable -that is the issue.

As to the person who says the dog that killed Mia Delorean was a pit bull not an XL Bully - XL Bully are created from Pitbulls crossed with other breeds to make them far larger than a usual American Pit Bull Terrier would be.

Most of the UK XL Bullies are related to 'Killer Kimbo' and back yard breeding between these few original imports has made the unstable temperament even worse by further inbreeding.

Here is a description {By an XL Bully breeder} of what happened that night by the owner of Nico {son of Killer Kimbo} who mauled his step daughter to death.

Quote ''He was so sweet with her....he was her dawg.....'' and then he became ''Possessed as if by a Demon'' - The infamous 'Switch' from calm to violent that the mother of Mia saw, and it terrified her.

And I’m accused of scaremongering 😂

At least get her name right.

Yes he’s already made that comment and already said he will tell her that I’m not allowing her to see the puppy. Turns it into me being the bad guy, I’ve explained to my daughter how hard it must be for her and told her my concerns as to why I’m worried etc but I put it in a way for her to understand not to be horrible. It wouldn’t be as bad if I could trust him to do the right things but with lack of communication from his side and no adult conversation Ive had no reassurance from him and I have no doubt anything I ask of him in regards to this dog he wouldn’t do because I’ve asked him too. So makes me feel even more unsettled.

Thank you for understanding my concerns and giving that advice. It’s a very shit situation for my daughter and myself I don’t want to be the bad guy. But I have told her yes I am your friend but first i am your parent and as her parent I will do what needs to be done so she is safe and out of harms way. She understands this, she has afew tears because she seen the puppy when they brought it home NYE and sees a cute puppy not fully knowing exactly what this breed is etc so I had to tell her all of this myself and she got upset but with lots of cuddles she understands my concerns and why I’m feeling the way I am about this shit situation we’ve both been put in 😔

I suggest keeping a record of every interaction you have with him regarding this dog. Because later down the road, this is likely to be significant.

A reasonable parent would respond to you with "I understand your concerns and will be doing x/y/z to ensure our daughters safety". (Although I'd argue a reasonable parent wouldn't have taken on the dog!).

From all you've said, it's not going to go down that way. So you carry on being the reasonable one, preferably in writing, and that will help your case. The time she spends with him, she doesn't stop being your daughter too. It doesn't mean he gets to do whatever he wants and you can't do anything about it.

Stay calm, civil, get everything in writing, like screen shotting any text messages etc. And carry on getting advice from other sources. I really do feel for you. Its a horrible situation to be in and I really do hope you find a solution.

Only other thing I can think of, is there anyone in his family that you get along with? Someone who could either maybe talk some sense into him or at least mediate?

And now thanks to the stupid actions of a select few they are now banned.

Are you kidding? stupid actions? What like mauling kids and adults so badly that they die?? The most amount of dog deaths by one breed in the last 100 years or so? I hardly think that's stupid actions..

The car name came up on predictive-
Glad you found it so jolly amusing with the inane laughing emoji at a little girl’s slaughter.

I find you amusing.

Let me guess..
You own an XL Bully.

No one else would find “humour “in such a serious subject.

No. I do not. I don’t and never would own any dog. But that’s irrelevant and my amusement of you has nothing to do with the subject.

Absolutely not in a million years would I choose to send my child into a home containing an XL bully.

Document everything, get legal advice and let him take you to court if he wants, but don't put your child in that situation.

I'm saying this as an animal lover who has previously had dogs. If that dog turns on someone, even at a young age, it could do serious damage.

I'd rather have a child upset with me than a child badly injured or worse.

You sound a very unpleasant and sneering person.

hi! I’ve messaged a dog trainer for advice, emailed citizens advice and a solicitor would be my next step. My daughter only came home last night so I waited for her to get home and then sent him my concerns then but all I got was shitty comments we have spoken briefly today but again don’t feel like he’s taking into account my concerns and just making out that I’m being dramatic or causing an argument. Which simply isn’t the case my messages was to the point and airing my concerns. So I left it and have said il be getting advice. Wanted peoples opinions I suppose to reassure myself I’m not being over dramatic and I have right to be concerned

As you can see, many parents {who are also dog owners- even Bull breed owners!} are agreeing with you that it is a risk that they wouldn't take.

As the Puppy starts to harass the resident dog he may well have second thoughts as to the rashness of his actions.

A reputable rescue certainly wouldn't have given him an XL Puppy with a little dog and a child visiting.

Further nonsense from you. Reputable rescue centres are rehoming dogs with children if the dog has been assessed as safe to be rehomed in that environment