Xl bully- advice am I being unreasonable?!

[Jade1989x]

My daughters dad has just gone and got an xl bully puppy on 31st dec, we are split so my daughter goes to her dads every other weekend. I need peoples advice, in my opinion it is really irresponsible and stupid that he’s gone and got this dog with it now being classed as a dangerous dog and banned breed. I’m now put in a situation where I’m not happy for my daughter to be around this dog yet obviously I still want her to have contact with her dad. I’ve shared my concerns with her dad but don’t really feel like I’ve got anywhere with him just gives me shitty answers back.
As her mother I’m well within my rights to raise any concerns with him about the safety of my child.
if you was in my situation what would you do? This is so stressful and causing me anxiety, my daughter is 11 but she is an anxious girl and not very confident around animals. She understands my concerns but I feel like as her mom I need to stand by my concerns. I just don’t know where I stand with this or what direction to go in.
please be kind, as I know this is a sensitive subject but I need advice.

Legally she does not actually - you are wrong. She has no more right to prevent access than he does. You don’t “win” visitation. You have it as a legal right, sometimes this has to be set out in a court order but it’s not something the mother can police. Only a court can.

And no - they won’t restrict access just because of the dogs presence. They base orders on law. The law as it stands is clear. Children can be in the home of legally owned dogs.

I have. Nothing comes up.

Thank you for such helpful advice x

Yes we are all clear on the law, but equally it is clear under the new legislation he would never have been permitted his dog had he declared his commitment to having contact with his daughter.

I have never suggested OP refuses contact. She is though where a risk of harm is present, as is the case here, able to offer alternative arrangements for her EXH. I his for him to go to court if he is unhappy with arrangements, OP is not declining contact, merely maintaining her daughter's safety.

They also won’t make an 11/12yo stay anywhere she doesn’t want to regardless of the dog. A friends Dd has recently refused to see her dad anymore as she just doesn’t like him. There’s been court appointed people involved to interview the girl and they’re happy it’s her choice so have said she doesn’t have to have contact.

Weird. I just read about 5-6 articles saying the same after googling the name (derouan) + nico + xl bully. Took 5 seconds.

Remembered reading about it at the time now I'd read the circumstances again, it was really odd how the parents just kept quiet once questions started being asked about why the dog was almost double the usual size (which is still huge).

Only saying this to balance it a little for op as that very likely wasn't a case of a well cared for and trained dog just turning for no reason whatsoever as was suggested. Because unfortunately there's probably little op can do about this if the dog is all 'legal' except try and turn her dd against her dad/going round there.

That is not true. There is nothing in the legalisation about only owning the dog if you don’t have children.

That story is about a pit bull. Not a very sweet XL bully.

@AnneValentine , the little girl’s name was Mia Derouen, not Delorean as quoted above.

Yeah this is completely untrue, there’s nothing at all in the legislation on owning these dogs in a family home with children.

As of right now, it’s a puppy and as long as he is complying with the legislation (muzzle, lead, neutering when old enough, exemption certificate, liability insurance) then he’s done what he legally has to do.

It was in USA
They could well have ( Or the step father could have) given the dog steroids
but ALL it’s offspring have also been implicated in human aggression- and one killed a kennel worker- so it looks as if the aggressive lines are genetic - albeit possibly exacerbated by the abuse of steroids to bulk the dogs up.

Sorry, seen you have found it now!

Thank you, I feel way over my head here so many different opinions and it’s set my anxiety off massively, I have contacted a local dog trainer for advice, emailed citizen’s advice to see if they can point me in the right direction and my next step would be to speak with a solicitor if I feel needs be. Again I don’t want her to stop seeing her dad or family of course I don’t be I do feel strongly about this and I’m not confident that he will follow any asks from me as there is very little communication from him and when I do try and speak about any issues I either get ignored or spoke to like shit so it’s very hard to be able to trust what he says.

Please ignore all suggestions that legalisation prevents him from owning an XL bully and having visitation. It’s completely wrong.

You sound a very responsible and loving parent, Jade.

This sounds a very good and sensible idea.
👍👍👍

I do wish people wouldn’t spout this sort of thing.

Genetics MATTER. Why do you think we choose a collie to herd sheep and a GSD to apprehend criminals and a gun dogs to go shooting with…?

These dogs were specifically bred to fight. It’s in their DNA every bit as much as a collie’s drive to herd sheep. An 8 week old
collie puppy will herd chicks around a farmyard without a day’s training.

Add in bad breeding, certain lines being worse than others, irresponsible ownership and there’s no way in hell a child of mine would be going to a home where there was an XL Bully.

Its high time the “It’s all in how they’re raised” myth died.

Of course other breeds can and do bite and of course there are lovely XL bullies who will never hurt anyone but it’s a numbers game. You have to err on the side of caution.

And please - nobody pipe up with the “nanny dog” myth.

I would not be allowing contact unsupervised am sorry my child is too precious to risk with someone who clearly shows a disregard for his own child's safety. If he wants to see your child then this can be at a mutual venue without the dog. Let him apply to court if he wants and explain why he has chosen to have a banned dog around his child.

Thank you 🙏 honestly there’s no malice in what I’m saying I’m just wanting to keep her safe end of, people saying I’m stopping him seeing her is not the case at all, I’m very fair and easy going I’m just very concerned going forward as this dog grows. That’s all and wanted opinions to what other moms would do or feel about it x

I read recently…..
The XL Bully breed represents less than 1% of English dog population.
XL Bullys were responsible for over half of fatal dog attacks in the past year or so.

Whilst deaths from a dog attack are low ( last year approx 22, previous years around 6) there’s something going on. There will be a lot more attacks that don’t result in a death. (Both reported and unreported)

I wouldn’t be happy about a child staying over/visiting.

Even if, say, the first visit was ok I’d still be hesitant about the 2nd, 3rd etc and would pull the plug on future visits at any point.

Has you ex any experience of dog ownership/training?

@AnneValentine · Today 14:57

You have no right to prevent access. He would take you to court if you did and win visitation

YOU were the who said ^ total bollocks, which is why I said 'win visitation'

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

the court will not force an 11/12 year old child to stay at a parents if they don't want where there is an XL bully

Yes it was a pitbull. It was another pp that referenced that incident but without the additional info/suss circumstances.

I feel really sad for you, what an awful position to be in. I would fight hard to keep my child away from such a dangerous dog breed, luckily it’s a puppy so she should be safe for now.

Your ex sounds very unreasonable and he clearly can’t be trusted to keep your daughter safe given his vile verbal aggression towards you - it just shows the kind of person he is.

Protect your daughter at all costs, don’t blindly trust him to keep her safe.

Good luck

I think you’re also in a difficult situation concerning whether if she does end up going round with the dog there when it’s grown as opposed to if it grew up with her around. Really hard sorry you need to deal with this and that your ex would cause this

Anne Valentine are pitbulls/ Staffies and bully’s not basically the same dog in different sizes ?

It's a shit situation op, because I'd bet £1000 that if you do dig your heels in and somehow 'win', your twit of an ex will tell your DD little puppy had to be pts because of you. (Not me being shitty, that's literally what will have to happen but id bet he wouldn't protect DD from that knowledge)