I have come to the conclusion that I am not a great parent and I don't really enjoy it

[pruners]

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I feel like this too, parenting can be so so mind-numbingly boring yet exhausting at the same time.

I hate hate hate the non-stop chatter directed at me too "mum mum mum mum" Aaaaarggghhh. I find myself telling DS to "stop talking now, it's annoying me", it is like being pecked by a flock of savage ducks.

It's not DS I find hard, it's just the role of parent that's hard.

Pingu is a treat.

remember, they don't have the same undercurrents of "Should" as you do. I took my son to McD's last night - I felt guilty, no nutrition etc etc blahblah blah.

But he was thrilled. At no point did he experience a "Oh God, I really should not be doing this" moment, he did not angst about the lack of vegetation in his diet yesterday, he was just happy to get some time in one of his favorite places in this town

I bet your son LOVES Pingu.

Pruni in your OP you have expressed more or less exactly how I feel about things too. I have found motherhood extremely difficult and not really how I expected it to be. I also find myself thinking if ds was 'easier' things would be different, but then I wouldn't have the wonderful, special child I do have. It doesn't stop it being bloody hard though. You know where I am if you want a chat

Good post antiflounce. We're well within our rights as parents to complain about how bloody hard it is most of the time!

Pruners - is your DS in nursery/pre-school at all? By four I think that most children benefit quite a lot from spending part of their day/week in a structured environment without a parent.

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A school type nursery or a play type nursery?

Is he being taught to concentrate on achieving things on his own?

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Do you think that once he starts to read he will be able to spend more time entertaining himself and be less demanding of you? That does happen quite often.

My sister sent her PFB to Montessori type nursery. I would say that she adored her PFB but that he exhausted her too (he is very bright but was also used to having a lot of attention).

He has become a much less demanding child (he is now nine) now that he is integrated into main stream schooling and can direct his own energies.

My sister's 2nd and 3rd born children didn't have all the maternal attention and went to normal school all day at 3; they are much more independent/less demanding children.

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Yes, some children are just higher maintenance than others. And I think the combination of high-maintenance child and PFB/only child is a tough one for dedicated mothers to manage. On the one hand you go in all guns blazing and want to do the very best for your child - and then you end up wiped out by it but not sure how to get out of no longer wanting to meet your child's every expectation.

What I think I am saying is - I am sure it will get better as your DS acquires more skills to entertain himself.

pruners Sorry only read the first post I just wanted to add that I feel for you.
I have 4 DC and my youngest hated going to groups he would literally cling to my leg and constantly say "we go home now". He hated playgroup and so I stopped taking him. In the first year at school he didnt speak to any teachers, would just nod or smile. If a child waved at him he would hide and tell me to make them stop!

At home he was a happy chatterbox! He is 7 now and although most days he says he has a tummy ache and doesn't want to go to school he is fine whilst he is there.

I understand your comments about others saying you are the boss, yeah I know I am the boss but in reality I am the boss sometimes!

I can also totally relate.

My ds3 is 4 and he is very erm challenging . The meltdowns, tantrums, hitting, swearing - just a world apart from my other 2 dss. Can't believe in your OP you saying people putting blame for it on you. I would swing for anyone who intimated that to me. I am not perfect. I feel like a crap mother. Frequently. Different personalities & all that. Ds3 was the easiest baby ever. He was very much wanted, adored. Dh found him very difficult when he became a toddler. I didn't. We had a hellish year or 2 as they locked horns. Now however, he is 4 and he just pshes my buttons in a way I've never experienced in my 8.5 years of motherhood.

I've read a few times in anger management about using eg traffic light system for recongnising your stress/annoyance/anger rising. Trouble with ds3 is I go from cool to red in an instant with him sometimes. He just presses that button...

I do suspect that there's more to it. He is just extreme. I started a thread just this last week, it's a shock after 3 boys to suddenly find 1 to be so challenging. I really wish you well. and hope you get some coping strategies in place - I'm still learning/searching. ANd cling onto the fact it will get better. Sooner rather than later hopefully.

What's he like in nursery type places? DS3 is a bloody nightmare at home, but fine in nursery- understands what's expected of him. If he was only at home I would be really concerned about his behaviour, but because he's fine out and about I've come to the conclusion that he's a) got a bit of an attention thing going on at home and b) needs to be kept really busy to keep out of stroppiness mischief.

If things are fine at nursery I wouldn't worry too much.

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Do they use strategies with him? Such as visual (or verbal) countdowns before transitions.

yurt is here now and I was going to say I remembered something yurt said about a lot of parents (of children with special needs) don''t know their children have special needs, but do know they are much harder work than their friends children.
This encapsulated how I felt about my ds1 when he was 3 and yet to be dx with his aspergers syndrome. I'm not saying your ds has special needs, but as you mentioned it I thought that it was a pertinent point.
Hope you feel better.

pruners, was your dh like that as a small child, or anyone else in your family?

my ds2 is off the wall much of the time - I am reliably informed that dss was the same as a child and he is now a GORGEOUS grown up man. Sometimes I bite my tongue just waiting for ds2 to emerge from his chrysalis! The problem is a bit different, he just has to push everything to extremes. Eg if there are 10 children happily playing in a wooden house, and one child is hanging off the chimney, having thrown away his shoes and jersey, shouting "Look at me, Mummy!" that'll be ds2, every time.

I have never yet been to a swimming pool with my children, it has always been too dangerous to take them on my own. I wouldnt worry about that, he will learn with the school when he is older.

Pruners - wow, I've just joined mumsnet this afternoon and can't believe that you have voiced pretty much every feeling I have ever had about parenthood. I had assistance conceiving, was desperate to be a mum, and now I wonder why, why was I so desperate for this life of boredom, frustration and sheer exhaustion. I often wish I could run away, have trouble exerting even a little patience. I work ft and my DD goes to nursery, which is great for her, but tbh, I wish there was nursery on the weekends too. I feel guilty constantly, I feel like I never give my DD, my DH or my job enough of my attention. But then there are the odd "glimmers" that things are getting easier, not easy, but definitely easier. I think all mums need to go easy on themselves, we can't expect to be fabulous at everything all the time.

Just wanted to say I also have a problem with noise, always have, ever since I was a small child. The noise of the children sometimes goes straight through me, really hurting.

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Pruners it is really hard to admit things like this at all I find

i am not sure if talking about things like this to many people in everyday life is helpful

sometimes you have a great day where you are feeling like you are a very competent and natural mother, and it ruins the whole thing if you know that everyone around you knows you normally feel like you are winging it by the skin of your teeth

thank god for mn

Good old Mumsnet, I was just about to start a thread about this EXACTLY... just the boring mind numbing element of parenting, and the dawning realisation that I am not the parent I thought I would be.

I don't even feel the need to offload what's been stressing me out. Just reading everyone's posts and knowing I'm not alone is enough.

Thanks all.