I have come to the conclusion that I am not a great parent and I don't really enjoy it

[pruners]

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Don't you just hate it when people say "make the most of it, they'll be grown up in no time at all!" i feel like shouting at them:
GET LOST IVE BEEN UP SINCE 5AM, IVE SANG EVERY NURSERY RHYME INVENTED, DONE 2 LOADS OF WAHING, CLEANED UP FROSTIES FROM THE FLOOR, BEEN SWIMMING, COOKED LUNCHA DN ITS ONLY 10:30 - OFF!!!!

I feel like you, up sometimes, down the others. I come on here and there are parents on here that do so much more with their children and it seems; their children are so good/happy/good!

It's a blooming confusing thing really. I wanted my kids, I had them and if I am honest, have thought that life would be so much easier if I hadn't.

They test my patience all of the time. But the time I have with them will not come back. I only have to speak to anyone with teens to find this out.

So try to enjoy, no matter how boring it is. It will not last long, and when they are grown up, they will ignore you and put you in a home and steal your money if you have any by then

I work 4 days a week and on the days I don't, I find myself thinking at 5.30 - phew it's only an hour and a half till bedtime. And my DS is only one.

I think parenting is very, very hard work because it's so bloody relentless. And children are not reasonable or rational and they don't ever, ever think 'ooh that might be an annoying way of asking for that' like an adult would if they wanted something and the other person was clearly a bit fractious.

Today is my DS's first birthday and I have spent quite a lot of it crying.

Not sure any of that will help but at least you're not alone

abouteve - Your post struck a chord with me. I try very hard not to ride roughshod over my kids just to get things done or because I am in charge and the adult. I remember feeling so trapped as a child because my parents never allowed me to question anything. I try very hard not to be like that with my kids and give them choices where possible. Inevitably it leads to more stress though. Constant explanations and negotiations with 5 year olds are extremely wearing. I hope that i will reap the benefits when they are older.

pruners it's not pathetic just because someone else's problems seem 'bigger' than yours

a mum died at my dd's school . It was unspeakably grim. And despite thanking my lucky stars that I'm still able to kiss my children at night, I still can't help being selfishly miserable that I can't stand up for long enough to go out clothes shopping

now that is shallow

just because other people have a hard time doesn't make your problems any easier, no matter how thankful we try to be. We're only human

Wow you read my mind AGAIN oldwoman.
A colleague (no kids) said the other day that she was amazed to see mums wandering the streets with kids fully dressed etc at, wait for it, 10H30am on a weekend morning!!!

She was amazed by their organizational skills ! I said they had probably been up since 6 and were desperate to get out.

Spicemonster, I am sorry that you cried today. It's really hard to get it all right really. Is is because you are working and wanted to spend it with him?

I think both of my children are NT

but pruners .. when they are hard I hate the whole business too and find the endless chatter annoying (but I have no qualms in telling them to stop talking because they are 'nnoying me)

So when things are more of a struggle I think your feelings are perfectly normal and don't make you 'not a great parent' at all .. they make you in touch with the reality of your life.

You are a great parent because you love your child and you care.

You are a human being too and it can be infuriatingly mind-numbingly dreary at times .. but those moments of joy and times of pleasure are so much more vivid than when we didn't have kids.

Buck up Pruni .. you are allowed to feel like this at times

Scattybird - thanks for asking No, wasn't even that - I was working from home in the morning and then had the afternoon off. I think it's just because I'm so bloody tired - and I wanted so much for it to be a lovely day but I was all horrid and snappy.

LOL That's it we all need hired help

I curse those friend's of mine who appear all sweetness and light and look like it's a walk in the park.

It's a blummin' up hill struggle all the way.

But I think one day when DD is my age, I'll laugh at how her little one was just like her as mum does with me!!!! .

Preuners if you really can't access 'normal' things like swimming or tumbletotsand you're thinking their might be a need for further investigation (as you said in one post) then I would look at starting some sort of assessment ball rolling tbh.

DS3 is a difficult child, bloody nightmare at times but we can go anywhere appropriate for his age. Ds1 who is obvioulsy not NT cannot access anything and hasn't been able to sonce he was 2.

I think if children lack the understanding that they should model (roughly) their behaviour on the other children in a group then it is worth considering investigations. That was the biggest difference between ds1 and his 2 brothers. Both ds2 (easy) and ds3(difficult) understood from around the age of 18 months (perhaps earlier- that's when I noticed it) that if dumped in a group such a nursery or tumbletots they should follow the other children in the group. DS1 had no concept of that (still doesn't) and I think it's a fairly important difference.

You know your son, but if you have concerns - and you suggested earlier that you did- don't delay exploring them - the system will build in huge delays anyway and you can always cancel if everything sorts itself out.

I haven't read all your responses but I just wanted to say I relate to what you are saying as well.

I have 2 DSs and sometimes it is just a wall of noise in our house. Doesn't matter if I leave them downstairs and got up to the loft (it is converted so I am not actually hiding out with spiders and the unopened packing cases) and I still can't get away from the noise. I live in my head too and I don't want to share it ALL the time.

Even when DS1 is at school and DS2 is by himself he is pretty relentless too. He is great company but he is a very tactile little boy and if I stand still for a second he is either hurling himself at me to bear hug my legs, trying to climb up me or sit on my lap. I know he is not like this all the time but some days it is non stop.

DS1 has driven me bananas this afternoon by continually asking for things and not taking no for an answer. Some days it just gets to you.

i think we need to escape occasionally. In nearly 8 years of parenthood I have not spent a single night away from them and I just want to feel off duty for once.

So you have my sympathy, you really do.

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Blimey Pruners don't feel pathetic, you're far from it! I'm certainly not some uber-mum to be admired by all, I just do the best I can day in day out. If we're all fed, watered and still intact at bedtime then I've done well!

I sometimes feel like one of those synchronised swimmers - on the surface fairly serene with a huge grin but underneath I'm frantically paddling away going nowhere.

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Do follow your gut. When ds1 was little people (pros)
would tell me he was absolutely fine and I'd be happy for 2 days (obviously I had been pleased to hear it) then I'd start thinking again.

If there is something that needs some input it's a whole lot easier if it can be sorted before school.

xx

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Lol at Kerrymum being 144 in kid years, I know exactly what you mean!

Pruners I agree that it may be a good idea to go down the assessment route. It was hinted at to me by a teacher in year 2 but I decided that it was only mild so chose not to. We had the G&T diagnosis!! but not until secondary school.

I think this is a great thread.

I can really relate to what a lot of you have said, I find parenting such a bloody slog a lot of the time. I mean, I love my dc more than life itself and would lay down and die for them without a second's hesitation but, my god, I often wish away the hours til bedtime. Then I feel guilty. I find playing with them quite boring (they are 3.6 and almost 2, both dses) and wish, wish, wish that they would just play with each other and not make demands on me - feel guilty again. Quite often I wish I could just hang out the washing on my own without someone coming to find me, I crave solitude but miss them like hell if I do have a few hours off. I hate feeling like this, I wish I could just appreciate them all of the time. I love them so much and can't understand why I feel such a conflict - what did someone say, can't live with them, can't live without em??

I pray it gets easier with age, there are little glimmers (?) of things to come with ds1 but then he'll go off on one in the manner of a stroppy aggressive teenager and I feel like I'm in hell. I never realised parenthood would be like this. Oh, and I hate the way I'm inconsistent too, sometimes I'll wake up on the wrong side of bed and shout at them for something (usually squabbling or fighting over an empty loo roll or other important item) when the next day I've got tons more patience and deal with the situation, ahem, in quite a good way. So it's not all bad, but I can't help feeling like I walk around the house with a sour face a lot of the time because of the sheer monotony of constant noise/mess.

Phew, I feel cleansed. And as if I'm part of some secret club when in reality it seems we all feel like this at some point.

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Agree pruners. I even feel guilty writing it down! Like if I keep it in my head no-one will know.

Didn't snowleopard say something about 'lacking innate authority'? (sorry to misquote sl). Haha, well I've got that too! Oh joy. And I try so bloody hard to be a good parent and 'discipline' them fairly. We do lots of things (when I am in the mood ) like baking/arty crafty stuff etc but I find I am watching the clock thinking "well they enjoyed that for 20 mins, it'll take me half an hour to clear up". Doing stuff like that makes me feel like I've earned some "me-time" mumsnetting etc while they watch a dvd that's awful isn't it. As if I've 'done my bit' for a while

Thanks for starting this thread pruners, I'm sorry I haven't given you any advice, but can extend my empathy!

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