I have come to the conclusion that I am not a great parent and I don't really enjoy it

[pruners]

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Yes pruners that's very true. So maybe we are doing something right (I know deep down I'm ok but it's downright impossible to see it sometimes).

I'd fight tooth and nail (like all of us) to get the best for my two and protect them and just want them to be ultimately happy, but I never expected those feelings to go hand-in-hand with the sheer boredom of it.

Oh well, "life is a rollercoaster" so said that annoying Boyzone Keating man. (Sorry to drag the thread down by mentioning him and that song).

I wonder who invented this template of the perfect mother who everyone aspires to? Maybe she's out there producing healthy, balanced meals that her perfect offspring devour before settling for 12 hour's sleep so the whole family wakes up refreshed for a day of furthering yet fun activities.
I say damn her eyes. We love our children. We want what's best for them. What more is there? So what if we sit drinking beer in grubby dressing gowns with one baby asleep on her face and the other with his father's toothmarks on his (freak wrestling accident)? So what if we don't feel entirely thrilled about some of the challenges of parenting.
There have been so many threads about feeling crappy about motherhood. It's shite. And it all seems to stem from lala expectations - from god-knows where.
We all make it up as we go along. We're all inconsistent. We all do stupid things and do things 'wrong'. You all sound like brilliant parents.
My advice? Ditch supernanny, give yourselves a talking to and do something good and selfish this weekend to make yourself feel better. And give yourselves a break!

(says she who feels virtuous because she's cooked a healthy meal two nights in a row. Ha!)

Oh, and - I now bow down in awe to my mother, who is now one of best friends, truly a supermum, was totally narky when we little, used to tell us we were having 'shit' for dinner, was also completely loving and I had a v happy childhood. So there, maybe we need to wait until ours are 28...

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me too
especially on the noise thing

gosh - allabouteve's post has really given me pause for thought - about LO's feeling humiliated if 'made' to do something without question by an adult. I'm really struggling with this kind of thing with ds1 (nearly 5) at the mo, particularly the shoes off, get changed, wash hands routine when home from school - he'll do anything to prevaricate. I'm going to have to try and think of a more 'respectful', to him, way of encouraging it rather than merely repeatedly insisting in a louder and louder voice.

This is such an interesting thread. I continually feel that, on balance, despite the highs, the lows are so low that I wish I'd never have kids, but then I know if I never had them I would have always regretted it and would never have appreciated what I did have without them. Catch 22. Mears thread the other day inspired me greatly - the idea of your kids as happy adults showing some appreciation for each other and for you. I dream on.

What an excellent thread! Sums it all up perfectly. The love. The boredom. The joy. The disillusion. So good to know I'm not alone. (I always suspected I wasn't).

I so empathise with the OP & others on this thread, & I'm relieved that other people feel like this.
There was a poster on another thread (about what time your DCs go to bed I think) & she was saying that the whole family (adults too) went to bed at the same time as they just loved spending time together etc, & that post haunted me! I feel like such a bad parent in comparison. I simply could not cope if my DCs stayed up til 10pm or whenever as the noise, & squabbling, & clamouring for attention, & stream-of-conciousness conversation drives me [almost] literally insane as it is. Sometimes, if they're being particularly hysterical at bath/bedtime, I have to go & lie down for 5 minutes as it makes me feel physically ill.

Pathetic, isn't it? They're only children for gawd's sake.

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Oh, I believe you Pruners! Come 8pm, when peace descends on the house, I feel like a different person - & mine are at school all day! (I have 2 boys, aged nearly 4 & 6 1/2).

FWIW, DS1 is also v bright but also disruptive - when younger he never seemed to like the things other children liked & could be a bit aggressive. He's still a handful: can't be still for literally 10 seconds.

interesting thread. pruners, is it fair to say that your feelings reflect your situation?
eg if you had a lot of children as well as a full time job, you wouldnt have time to feel inadequate, you would just know that they depended on you.

Whats normal about tumble tots and swimming classes, by the way - those are for the worlds few privileged kids, I thought?

Agree with you. I went away last week (had to look after my mother after an operation). I missed the boys SO MUCH was desperate to see them.

But an unfortunate byproduct of me being away is that ds1 now seems to have an aversion to sleep - he's staying awake to 10pm (which would be okay except he's continually yelling downstairs and tantrumming because I won't sit up there and play with him until he gets tired) and then waking several times in the night. Feel horrible because I can feel myself getting more and more distant emotionally from him because I'm tired and not getting any downtime in the evening either.

It'sjustaphase, it'sjustaphase, andthistooshallpass, andthistooshallpass ... SCREAM

(sorry that was an agree with you about mental health problems... )

allabouteve's post strikes a chord with me too. I can see how my THREE year old looks at me when I say shrilly 'Can you get in the car now', after hanging around for what seems an endless two minutes for her to get nearish the car! If I say 'Oooooh, I am freezing waiting for you to strap you in, can you get in the car a bit quicker next time so I don't freeze my big bum off' there is a recognition, a laugh and a 'oh ok mummy'. And we are having fun! I can see how it makes her feel when I am ordering her even though she can be a right S**T!

Feels like it is taking me so long to learn how to do this parenting thing when I thought it would be straightforward. It is so farking hard. I have forgotten how to play, how to imagine, how to be patient. Why am I in such a hurry all the time? Why do I care who is watching me, hearing what I say, how I say it, what they are thinking?

I make mistakes EVERY day. I feel so bad about it but I KNOW that i am trying my hardest.

Ok, does anyone not feel like this? Really? What drugs are they on?

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gawd if mine don't go to bed in the evening (which currently is a bit of a problem) I begin to feel completely hysterical.

am finding my 3 year old utter, utter hell at the moment and dread every week day

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My DS is 3 and a half right now and I am finding it hard (partly due to awful stress about money that is nearly at the end and oh the last few days are the hardest of all grr).
Mind you, having said that (shuffles feet) he was lovely this evening after tea, cuddling up to me and saying 'You're my Best Friend'. Even if he did then snot all over my jumper.

you know pruni, I don't know about the role model thing. I thought about it a lot at one stage (but not so much anymore).

I think you can over think all that. I have friends who had wonderful parents who also find the parenting thing a real struggle.

I think not having a role model comes out in other ways - so you look at your child and think (for example) 'when i was 5, I was already having a horrible time yet my 5 year old goes to school, comes home and seems happy', isn't that odd? It sort of puts your own childhood into perspective. Do you know what I mean? I think you can't help comparing your own childhood to your children's and to your own parenting and in many ways, I think one of the hardest factors is realising that you are so completely different and how on EARTH did you manage to have such fucked up parents!

In the opening post you could be describing my DD who's also 4. She seems very bright and certainly a difficult child.It must be a four year old thing.
I can relate to how you feel I feel like that sometimes. I put a lot of her behaviour down to the fact that a new sibling is due in four weeks and she is emotionally adjusting to the fact. Being pregnant doesn't help because I am tired and grumpy a lot of the time.

It's fucking hard work, grossly under-appreciated, often poorly paid, the boss is sometimes so irrational he lies on the floor screaming when you don't do the work his way, and the hours are shit. Yes, it can be rewarding, but anyone else with a job like ours would moan about it sometimes, so why can't we?

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ah sorry to read this pruni
I understand where you are coming from
I wish I had some great advice
I would mostly say "don't be too hard on yourself"

Pruners we all can feel like that. I pride myself on being a "good mum" because i don't do/try not to say the crap stuff my dad /did/said to me as a child/teenager.

But i don't always manage it. My ds1 and i are very very close and i think the world of him most of the time. However i did something really truly awful last week We had been to dh's uncles funeral,my dad was awaiting test results and i had PMT.

We had cross words and i flipped and threw him out and . Thats the kinda twisted evil thing my dad did to me. I knew that he would go straight to his gf's family and stay there or i would have gone after him. He and i got a huge fright and we talked/said sorry which is way different to how my dad would have done things,so in that respect i am not my father.

It's not the same as what you are going through right now with your ds but no matter how badly you feel you are doing as a parent,the fact that you are thinking about it and you realise it shows you are a good mum and things will improve and it does get easier i promise.

I also have days when i wish the lot of em would piss off and give me some peace but i do a hard job and i am allowed to feel like that sometimes!!!