Leaving 15 year old at home

[yetanotherdaytoday]

Is a sensible 15 year old too young to be at home alone for a night, as a one off?

DH has to take MIL to hospital 300 miles away and I need to be at work in the next town, to run an event, on a day with train strikes. My youngest can go to her friends but I don't have anywhere to send my DS.

DS is suggesting I leave him at home. I'm tempted. I was up to all sorts at his age, he's a good kid and very very sensible in comparison!

I don't drive and therefore wouldn't make it back till breakfast.

If it was a normal day at work I'd just take the day off, but the event can't run without me.

Is it madness to consider this? I'm not sure what else to do. My couple of friends who I could usually call on for favours just can't help that day.

WWYD?

For the OP to get an indoor camera not me cause she will be away overnight with no means to get home if something happens.

Have you got a problem with understanding what's been said or do you pretend so you can just twist people's comments?

Could Ds come with you and DD, then you all get back in time for school the next morning?

It will be fine.
If he is ok, do it. In an emergency he calls on neighbour and you get a taxi home.

The average 15 year old (yes even a boy 🙄) should be ok left alone for a single night.

On a school night I think the key thing for me would be if he's reliably capable of getting himself up in the morning and off to school? If he usually needs cajoling out of bed to get to school on time then probably not. Although now you've said you'll be home early in the morning I guess that's not so much of an issue in this case.

My cousin had her eldest DC at 16, so even by law a 15 year old is only months away from being legally old enough to parent a newborn of their own.

My dd (now 14 1/2) has been asking/offering to stay alone overnight since she was 13. I've always refused so far, even though she's perfectly sensible and I'm sure she'd be fine. I've left her during the day or evening for several hours at a time, sometimes I've been out until 1am. I have a ring door bell and Nest smoke/CO alarms throughout the house (they also alert to my phone), so I think that's the main safety aspects are covered. The only reason I won't leave her overnight is because I know my ex would make a huge thing out it, I'm regularly getting threatened with being reported to social services over nothing at all, but I expect they'd be inclined to look into it if I got reported for leaving a child under 16 overnight. Ironic given that dd is probably safer home alone than in my ex's care!

When I was 16 I stayed home alone for a week whilst my mum went on holiday to Greece with my sister and my aunty. I had exams so couldn't go but I had left school at that point only had to go in for exams. On the Friday I had a few of my girlfriends round one was over 18 so got some alcopops in and we sat watching films and ordered a pizza in then the next morning we tidied up but the whole week I was on my own I loved it peace and quiet no competition for the bathroom in the morning it was great and I was fine.

DS is much more confident about being on his own than DD. I don't think DD would like to put herself to bed. I have absolutely no worry about DS being afraid with us not there, he'd hardly notice tbh! But I think DD might well not like it.
Also, they sometimes argue, and that wouldn't be great with no adult there to help diffuse it.

It seems a bit OTT drag DS to another town when he'd be fine at home.

It's not about driving her to hospital, it's about being there for her. He's going to need to be there for the next few weeks to support her recovery after the op. This bit is non-negotiable, she needs him there.

Could MIL get transport to hospital rather than DH taking her? I mean like elderly people who live alone/are housebound/otherwise can't get to hospital, a minibus-like ambulance will collect a few of them at once and take them, in situations where an actual ambulance isn't needed. Not sure if this is still done; may have been a victim of cuts nationwide or on an area basis. Or will MIL not accept that/needs moral support of DH on day of op? If not DH could try and arrange that if not too short notice and set off the next day when you are back or a couple of days before MIL is due for discharge?

I've just answered that 😁DH has to be there for MIL. Also he's travelling up by public transport, the tickets are booked and can't be changed easily.

If he is sensible and you are tempted to leave him as he suggested what are your reservations?? Is it his safety? Is it the chance of him misbehaving? Is it other peoples opinions or judgements??? I think you need to work through your own feelings about it and make a decision.

1 positive of gaming and computer technology these days, they socialise with their mates happily through their headsets, so throwing big parties or roaming the streets to hang out isn't as appealing as it used to be.

I would have microwave/easy heat meals food sorted (as the games can be distracting and food cooking on stove etc can be forgotten lol) speak to the neighbours you can 💯 trust let them know what is happening and have a back up plan in case of emergency, (even though your friends can't help that day would they be available as a back up if he freaks out or something, or can you borrow taxi $ for you to get back if need be?) set some expectations, rules, and times that he has to call you to check in etc etc .. he is at the age he won't always want to be looked after or dragged along so will likely use this opportunity to prove himself.
You know him best so follow your gut.

my children had a nanny till they were 17

Wow. I hope their friends never found out.

Yeah saw it just after I posted, it wasn't there or I at least didn't see it before starting writing lol.

So DH's transport isn't on strike then? I had assumed he would be driving himself there. And yeah I meant he would still be there for the caring bit afterwards.

I think DS will be fine if he knows what to do in an emergency, is happy to go to neighbours for help and knows not to answer the door (maybe unless a person known to him calls him to say they're coming and has him look out of window to see it's them and they make sure no one follows them in). Other stuff has already been suggested so I won't repeat it, but you could set your alarm a little earlier and call him in the morning to wake him up/make sure he's getting ready for school.

I would not leave a 15 year old

If he's happy to be left and as sensible as you say then there shouldn't be a problem leaving him - with the usual dire warnings of no parties, no answering the door to anyone etc. My Mum and Dad went on holiday abroad for a week and left me aged 16yrs 1m on my own. I lived on cornflakes for a week.

Do you have adjoining neighbours? Can you give him their phone number, or arrange that if he needs them urgently he bangs on the wall? It could allay your fears about being away from him. Hope it all goes smoothly.

Nanny till 17

For my kids I would leave the 15 yr old at home to look after the 10yr old & put them to bed and I would get home so they're not alone over night. 15 yr old has a mobile & someone to phone for help.

If that can't work I would trust my 15 yr old to be by herself overnight.

Like some others I was babysitting actual babies & toddlers until the wee hours at 15... but 15 yr olds are individuals & you know yours best.

My parents left me for a week when I was fifteen. Dad said if I needed anything I was to use the rent, so I went to Rhyl with a friend and spent the lot! Dad wasn't to pleased.

Really?? At 15 he’s completely fine, especially if a sensible 15. He can leave school at 16!!

This just tells your kid you don’t trust them and the worlds a scary place, at 15 the apron strings need loosening! ——- sorry this was to a particular person and I can’t quote properly lol

Agree, absolutely terrifying the amount of parents that are teaching kids surveillance is care. Look at the rates of tech stalking and surveillance in intimate relationships- we are teaching a generation a very bad lesson here.

When I said 'you want a camera to spy on him' I didn't mean literally you want a camera, I meant you want the OP to get a camera to spy on him. That should have been obvious from context. Wow.

Get a neighbour to look in on him? Specify a time they will do it, get them to drop you a text to say everything ok. Surely someone nextdoor could even check a couple of times? I definitely stayed overnight without an adult at that age, but was raised in 80s 😬

“So DH's transport isn't on strike then? I had assumed he would be driving himself there. And yeah I meant he would still be there for the caring bit afterwards.”

Next week’s strikes are rolling - each region is striking on a different day.

I just asked my nearly 15 yr old and said he’d probably be fine for a week or so🤣